I Don'T Want To Be Cinderella #1
75. Ordinary people

Ordinary people (ordinary people)

The mamah henian inpatient room. Right now I'm telling Mamah and Oka about my meeting with dad. Caraka is here, I want her to hear everything because no matter how much Caraka is going to be part of our family, I want her to know everything about my family.

“This is all about the man and his high ego, and Kirana has not been able to accept that. Dad left us because of his ego and self-esteem, dad divorced mommy too because of his ego and self-esteem, and he didn't look for Kirana all this time because of his own assumptions.”

Mama was silent for a moment, her eyes looking at me full of search.

“He said it?”

I could only nod in response to a silent mama question for a moment before finally laughing made me, Oka and Caraka look at each other in surprise.

“Aaah, your father even gave you a new job to explain it to you.” I raised a confused eyebrow. “You want a big secret that you have kept tight?”

I looked at Mama seriously before finally nodding my head.

“Before grandfather died, grandfather told me that it was grandfather who asked your father to divorce mamah.”

Oka and I looked at Mom in disbelief.

“Your grandfather felt hurt when your father left us in Japan. As a father, he was angry to see the daughter he loved being wasted like that, not to mention H. Joko who once said that mamah will only be a burden and hamper your father's career makes grandfather anger increasingly become.”

Momentary momentarily looks bright.

“Grandfather says that after your father left us, your father was paralyzed by an accident.”

I really can't breathe hearing your story. I can't believe the father I just saw was paralyzed?

“That's when your grandfather felt he had a chance to return H's remark. Joko told them that father will only be a burden for us, and asked your father to divorce mama as a form of revenge to your father for leaving us when pregnant mama.”

“But dad said ..”

“Mamah will not marry her if she is not a good man,” said mamah firmly makes me speechless. “He has great respect for your grandfather as his father-in-law, so I guess your father just wants to keep your grandfather's good name.”

The information I received seemed to overlap making my head feel dizzy. Don't know which one to believe.

“Grandfather didn't know that as long as your father left us in Japan, every month he still gives us more than enough, he's still giving us a living, and your grandfather forgot when a child has married should parents not interfere in the household affairs of his child.”

Mommy beads staring at us softly.

“At that time it wasn't just your father who was wrong, you were just as wrong. We both keep our egos. If you give up and come with him back to Indonesia might not be like this, but mamah selfishly prefers to maintain the work mamah.”

“Mamah has no other choice. Mamah must pay the contract cancellation fee.”

“There is always a way out if we talk about it carefully and find a solution together.” Mama smiled as she gripped my right hand with both hands.

“The household is about communication, being open to each other, trusting each other and also dampening the ego. Without communication and trust there will be many misunderstandings, and when we prefer to defend our ego without anyone succumbing then all will be destroyed.

I can only be silent listening to your words.

“So .. if you say this is because of dad's ego. You are not entirely right, because there is also a share of mamah ego there. You are disappointed and have not been able to forgive father is natural, but all you must remember has happened, and this is the destiny that God has outlined for us. What we can do now is what we will continue to wallow in disappointment and anger until eventually we are too late to forgive and regret for a lifetime, or … slowly you try to take it back and sincerely live this destiny.”

What is said may be true because the quarrel will not happen if there is only one person who is angry, there must be two people to be called a quarrel. Likewise with the ego, had one succumbed and lowered the ego, all this would probably not have happened. But still …

“But why haven't you been looking for Kirana, Mah?”

Mama looks at me.

“If mom hadn't told you to look for your dad, would you have gone looking for him? If it wasn't for wanting to ask for his blessing and asking him to be his guardian, would you want to find dad?”

I don't know why my heart seems to stop hearing your questions.

“Why should parents always be looking for their children? Why isn't her son looking for her parents?”

I was silent and couldn't answer Mom's question.

“What is only parental obligation?” I was getting quiet on hearing Mom's question. “There is no rule in any law governing that only parents are obliged to look for their children.”

Mamah was silent for a moment before she again asked a question that made my heart grow louder.

“So why only parents always get the question ..why didn't my father or mother look for me? Are parents not entitled to ask... Why is my child not looking for me?”

The question struck my heart, because for 20 years I have never looked for a father. I just kept waiting for my father's arrival without my efforts to find him first.

****

Megalo, pov.

Kirana Az Zahra, my daughter has almost all of her father's traits, is stubborn, realistic, but responsible and intelligent. I was already estimating this when I told him to look for Randi. Kirana will not easily accept Randi as her father back after twenty years of leaving despite the thousands of reasons Randi has put forward.

And that man .. Randi Prasetyo, I can imagine he must have cried while apologizing to Kirana, blaming himself without telling the truth. And Kirana will definitely find him with questions that have been a burden all along.

I purposely did not tell Kirana the truth, to give her a chance to let out all her pent-up anger and disappointment for these twenty years in order to have her burden lifted slightly, and his heart calmed down a little because it had borne that burden all this time. And also gave Randi the opportunity to clarify everything with his own mouth, about what really happened, but I forgot, so he will definitely choose to be a shield for you.

He did not know that to face Kirana all he needed to do was to be realistic like the old Randi Praseyo. Who kept marrying me because he did not believe in the myths his parents held, who always laughed at my fantasies, who always saw things from two sides.

But I forgot twenty years is not a short time, I don't know maybe now his nature has changed.

“Your father was looking for you.”

“But it's too late grandfather is dead, and Bekasi's house has been sold. Dad thought that we were living in Japan, and mamah was remarried.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Your father said that?” Kirana nodded in confirming.

Aaah, you stupid Randi! Should I explain everything too? Oi! It should be your turn to clarify, instead of giving me another job! I accuse my head of dizziness again. Quiet Mega ... Take a breath, exhale …

“He was looking for you when grandfather was still around.” Kirana was surprised to look at me. Ok, Na, don't be disappointed mamah, later you'll be omelette again your stupid father for covering everything from you. “But your grandfather was disappointed because he heard that your father was married again.”

I was actually disappointed too. Aaah, you little man!

“Therefore your grandfather said that we are happy living in Japan, and asked your father not to look for you anymore.”

Kirana's eyes were round hearing my words. For a moment he looked surprised but then he fell silent looking thoughtful. I also need to be ready to find the answer to the question he is about to ask. That's Kirana if anyone's still stuck, she'll keep looking for us. And mama hope you did that to your stupid father, Na, make him dizzy seven roving around looking for a thousand reasons in our vengeance all along.

While Oka .. she just fell silent. That's Oka Danubrata, she will be silent to analyze the problems that occur, yes Oka is indeed calmer in dealing with problems than her brother.

“Why do you just obey the words of your grandfather. Regardless of whether you're married again or not, and you don't know about Oka, but I'm still her daughter she should still be looking for me.”

Well, fix! If it's like this, I have to go back to the logic.

“And you should seek him, whether your father is married again or not, regardless of your father leaving us and divorcing you, he is still your father. If you miss him so much all this time why don't you look for him?”

Kirana was silent at my words.

“Every question of why and what you asked your father might be the same question I wanted to ask you all along. Why don't you go find me, Na? Don't you miss dad? Do you hate me that much?”

I don't blame my children for their disappointment with a father, I just don't want to make them vindictive, let alone their own father who will be a lifelong regret.

“Can you imagine how bad your father was when he lay paralyzed and grandfather called him a burden to us? Not only was he physically injured, but also mentally. What is needed is the support of the people around him not speech that even makes him feel more and more like he is useless and just a burden. If your father is angry with us because of the words of grandfather ..mamah can understand that, but no, I get back up and look for you even a little late. At least he's been looking for you, while we .. we just sit still, without ever looking for him.”

I sighed remembering the princess to my duos whom I had not seen for a long time.

“Like mamah who never looked for Bi all this time. Maybe if Bi met mama, she would ask the same question as you asked father. He will also feel the same disappointment because mamah has never looked for him all this time.”

I smiled looking at Kirana. “Are we not selfish too? We're angry with your father for never looking for you, but Mom also just kept silent not trying to find Bi. All this time mamah just waiting for Bi to look for mamah like you who is still waiting for me to look for you. Selfish isn't?”

We were both speechless, aware of our selfishness all along.

“Teh .. disappointed and angry is natural, we ordinary humans are not angels. And so is your father, he's an ordinary man far from perfect and every man has ever made a mistake. What distinguishes him is whether he will admit his mistake and repent, or will get worse in the hole of the deeper error .. You can judge for yourself your father belongs to the group of which.”

Both Kirana and Oka just fell silent down beside my bed. Not that I meant to defend Randi, but I just wanted my kids to learn to see all the problems from two sides, he said, not only from our side that considers us as ‘victim’ that we unwittingly may have made the same mistake, and become ‘doer’.

*****