I LOVE YOU (I LOVE YOU NOT)
I Love You

This morning - after the morning prayers as usual I used my morning time with the decorations. I was determined to apologize to Mahendra - because there was absolutely no intention of me last night to offend him.

I saw my left temples getting bruised. The bruises that will appear more clearly every time I feel physical fatigue or too much thought.

Since the accident that hit me a few years ago it has left a mark that I will not be able to forget and also a scar that is difficult to lose in the left temple and my left shoulder.

I took my makeup equipment. I meticulously covered the parts of the face that made me look very bad with the *foundation * natural color that offered bruises to my face.

Once again I reflected on the glass of the hotel closet - turning my face right and left to make sure there was nothing strange about me.

I did not tell Mahendra at all about the defects in my body due to the accident and bruises on my face.What I fear is that he cannot accept my current situation and then stay away from me.

This morning was not as usual - there was no knock on the door that greeted me or the ringing sound of a phone call from Mahendra that was just saying hello starting our morning.

I opened an incoming message in my whatsapp app. No messages from Mahendra since last night. Is she really mad at me - my inner self is a little panicked.

I walked out of my hotel room - opened the door and turned my gaze to the room next to mine where Mahendra was staying.

I stuck my ear to the door of the room - in no way was the morning activity heard from inside the room. whether the man was still asleep or he was no longer in the room, my mind anymore.

But-Ah wasn't it since yesterday morning that the man was not busy with his work anymore and there was still time for us to enjoy the holidays.

I tried to ring Mahendra's room bell but there was no response from the residents inside. Once again I ring the bell and again every time I get no response.

After waiting for a long time, I heard the sound of the door opening.

A little shocked when I saw the man standing before me bare-chested with a face that looked haggard as he had just woken up from his sleep.

The man in front of me looks so athletic with his chest that is square and sturdy overgrown with fine feathers. His features look symmetrical and perfect to me.

"Oh sorry waking you up, dear" (sorry to wake you up).

"Its Okay." Mahendra replied briefly. The reaction of the man before me was out of his habit to me. He looked very indifferent this time.

"Are you still mad at me? (are you still angry)

Mahendra didn't answer my question immediately. The man then looked at me with an unusual look - disappointment clearly visible from his eyes. "Do you love me Di? tanyanya.

"I...I.." I'm not going on with my words. There was doubt in me to continue my words. Not because I don't love Mahendra but rather my own self-confidence.

"Give me your answer? (Give me an answer Di?)

"I do love you." I replied. I lowered my face. Unrestrained shame made me unable to return Mahendra's gaze to me.

The man held my face gently and raised my face so that it made our faces face to face. "I know you are not ready for this love Di. But one thing you should know a man who treats his woman well and gently must be A man who loves you and has big responsibility on you." (I know you're not ready for this love, Di. But one thing you should know, a man who treats his woman kindly and gently should be a man who loves you and has a great responsibility on you)

" I know"

The man's hand gently stroked my thin hair so that I could feel the skin of his hand on my scalp.

"In, I am not Angry with you about last night. But I dissapointed to myself why I asked you like a thing" Mahendra continued to me.

" It's okay, Mahendra." The sound that came out of my mouth seemed inaudible. I'm a little relieved to hear Mahendra's words - at least the man still cares about keeping my honor.

"No. I already find my Bollywood Actor here." I said. Instantly it also broke Mahendra's laughter hearing my answer.

Mahendra pressed the tip of my nose with his index finger "you wait in your room. I will take a shower. Then we go to a special place. Okay? " (you wait in the room. I will take a shower and then we go to a special place) continued Mahendra.

I'm nodding. We also prepared ourselves to explore Seoul today. I don't know which special place Mahendra meant for us to visit - obviously all the places for me are very special to be with him.

I changed my sporty clothes with a more fashionable long-sleeved shirt combined with skinny jeans that harmonized with my hijab color. No need to wait a long time-it has been heard by me the sound of the room bell.

Mahendra is ready to go. I hurried to get my beloved brown sling bag and walked out of the room.

When I opened the door to my room I saw Mahendra standing smiling in front of me. Mahendra wore a dark t-shirt combined with a brown leather jacket made by Garut City which I deliberately ordered for him.  I'm really in love with seeing her like that.

That day I knew a lot about Mahendra. The man told about his family's condition, who had become Australian citizens, and also about his work. At that time I just learned that Mahendra had failed to marry his lover who is Australian.

Religious differences as well as personal character each make the two decide to separate.

Mahendra already knew about my widowed status from my nephew Rafif. He also knew that I was very difficult to fall in love with a man.  But there was one thing he didn't know and stuck in my heart to tell him about the accident I had and also the flaw on my face that had stuck since the accident.

"I wanna tell you something about me that I hide from you, dear" (i want to say something I'm hiding from you) I told Mahendra.

"What's?

I didn't continue my story. I took the Tissue inside my pocket-bag and then I removed the foundation makeup on my face that covered the flaw in my face.

Mahendra watched without commenting on what I was doing. No reaction from him was seen.

"So-what's the problem? (then what's the problem?)  mahendra asked not to understand.

"I have scar in my face. Don't you scare or feel disqusting seeing my face? (I have a deformity in my face. Don't you feel afraid or disgusted to see it?) ask me later

"No. Why?"

I'm back in silence. I wanted to show some other disfigured wounds on the rest of my body but it was impossible for me to show my aura to the man before me who was not yet my husband.

Mahendra held both of my shoulders with his burly hands. " In what ever happened to you in the past. I dont care. One thing you should know I love you for who you are not how you look or what you have." (In-what happened to you in the past. I don't care. One thing you should know, I love you for who you are, not how you look or what you have).

Truly I feel moved and happy to hear Mahendra's words. I don't want to cover up my physical or my nature to her. I want us to know each other's true nature without having to be someone else.

Mahendra then invited me to enter a jewelry store on Apgujeong Rodeo Street. A jewelry store that looks luxurious but sold at sale prices for foreign tourists like us.

Mahendra was seen talking to one of the female guards at the store - and several times I saw the woman showing Mahendra some very beautiful female rings.

Of course I feel deg-deg what Mahendra will do with the ring. Is he going to propose to me, my inner self.

Ah never mind, don't think any further Diana. We just got to know each other better.

Mahendra is seen pulling out a card from inside the wallet in his jacket pocket. A moment later the woman in front of Mahendra handed over a bag of jewelry that had been purchased earlier.

Mahendra is approaching me. Lau the man took out the jewelry from inside the box that wrapped it.

" In-I want you to wear this ring and you should know how much I love you. " (Di-I want you to wear this ring and you should know that I love you so much) she told me at the time.