I LOVE YOU (I LOVE YOU NOT)
Part I

Looked an elegant room in front of me. All looks clean, neat and luxurious. I saw Mr. Beni and his wife waiting for me in the middle of the room - sitting on a luxurious gray sofa with ornate antiquities from the ancient Chinese royal dynasty.

"Come here Di, ' said Ms. Linda-wife Pak Beni was friendly to me without forgetting the smile on her face.

I returned a smile to Ms. Linda - I immediately approached the couple who were enjoying a variety of light dishes on the table in front of them - and occasionally teased each other.  For Six years of marriage I very rarely had a romantic moment like this - except when Edi my husband had such a desire and such a way he used to persuade me.

I walked up to the couple - Mr. Beni who usually looks very authoritative - this time looking like a child who is busy indulging in his mother. while talking to me, Mr. Beni leaned on his wife's shoulder. Occasionally Ms. Linda feeds snacks into Pak Beni's mouth with full of tenderness.

"Good Night Mr. Beni-Mrs Linda. Sorry to interrupt the timing." I said politely to the two parents

"Yes Di. Please sit down." said Ms. Linda with her graceful smile.

I took a sitting position on the sofa facing the two couples. There was a bit of embarrassment about the couple's behavior - but the two people didn't feel awkward at all with me in front of them.

"Honey, Look this young lady has so pure heart. but unlucky, her husband a hypocrite one."

(Honey, look this young lady has a very pure heart.but unfortunately, her husband is a hypocrite)

mr. Beni said to his wife by speaking very fluent English.

I'm pretty sure it was addressed to me - because I know very well Mr. Beni does not like my husband Edi very much.

Ms. Linda clapped Mr. Beni's hand - meaning that her husband did not offend me with what he said earlier.

"I'm sorry Di-do not take the heart of the words of the Father earlier." he said with a bad feeling.

"Oh it's okay Mom. I understand and understand the Father." I said with a smile.

Beni then changed his sitting position. He took a sitting position parallel to me-facing and his eyes were sharp towards me. I bowed because however I was not used to being looked at so by others even though he already considered me like his own son.

"Let's see, I'll monitor some of our branches in Singapore and Hong Kong.  I ask you to take your leave of work and accompany me in the next few days." continued Mr. Beni with a serious face as usual.

"Oh so sir. I had to apply for leave at least a week before, sir and also ask the husband's permission" I replied politely.

"Yes, try to apply. But if your husband will allow as long as there is money for him." said Mr. Beni with a little sign of dislike as usual when I mention my husband-Edi.

" Hey, stop it honey. Don't say that!"  Ms. Linda once again reminded her husband of that.

(Hey, stop it, baby. Don't say that).

"It's okay, hon. I only messian with Di who is always used by her husband and family." said Mr. Beni again. This time Ms. Linda did not return her husband's rebuttal.

He actually felt the same way about me. Even Ms. Linda taught me not to be too open to my husband about my income. Moreover, Edi gets a share of income every month from the company because it allows me to join this company. Edi's income in this company is also because of Pak Beni's wisdom so that I can focus on my work.

Although in my religion the wife who gives a living to the husband is allowed. However - it is also explained that men are leaders for women, therefore the living is indeed an obligation of a husband to his wife as long as the husband is still able to work and in good health.

"OK At. You take care of your leave and permission to your husband because early next month we will have a lot of work" said Mr. Beni continued his conversation.

"Well sir." I replied briefly.

Mr. Beni got up from his seat - but the old man looked back at me.

" oh, if there's a problem with your husband or your boss give the info to Vera ya." he continued.

I just nodded and smiled back at Mr. Beni earlier. I know - Mr. Beni and his family have been very kind to me. Even when my condition is sad they can feel without having to know directly from me.

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That night - by driving my office operational vehicle I accidentally went home to my house in Bandung without previously notifying Edi. It's normal every time I'm going home I always tell my husband the day before. But I didn't do it this time.

Quite tired I feel driving alone in approximately three hours drive that I take from the north end of Jakarta to the western part of Bandung. Time has shown at 11pm - I turn off the car engine. The sound of our operational car engine is not at all noisy certainly completely different from Jepp bututku car whose sound can wake people up to sleep at night.

Slowly I opened the gate of my house - and then I knocked on the door of the living room of the house to wake up the occupants of the house who might have fallen asleep.

So many times I knocked on the door, no one opened it. I tried to call my husband's cell phone - I heard my phone call from inside the house but there was no answer I got.

"Sir edi, Deni? Is anyone home? I said a little upset. It's impossible not to hear my last knock loud enough.

" No matter how long I've seen Edi open the door to our house - but his face looks different. There was panic on that face.

"Loh-uh why did you suddenly come home? ask her nervously

I caught something going on in the house - and Edi's gestures were like he didn't like my return this time.

"Why? Can't I go home by myself? I said a little upset. I walked into the house past where Edi was standing.

But-how surprised I was when I saw a woman flushing out of our room to hide upstairs. The house with the type 27 building we occupied was quite narrow and difficult to find a place to hide - without being seen by other residents.

"Eh, Anu. Uh he's my cousin." Edi said in a panic.

The petite woman can no longer avoid meeting with me as the owner of the house. His steps stopped when he wanted to climb the stairs.

I don't know - I feel like this foreign woman knows enough about the ins and outs of this house. But who he is, my mind is curious. Who is he who dares to go into my private room and my husband.

" Erni, Deni try to come down first you two." I cried with emotion.

Many times I called out to the Edi brothers who lived on the top floor of our house - but there was not a single word from them.

"Where are your sisters? I said rudely to Edi without calling him Kak as usual.

"There was. Anu-They're on top." she replied back in a quivering voice

I walked up the stairs in a hurry. I opened one by one the bedroom doors of Edi's brothers. All I saw was Erni in her room.

"Well, here you are apparently. Why not answer the call before." I said a little restraining emotion to Erni.

"Yes tea, sorry. Erni was afraid to get angry." she said in a trembling voice

"Do you know who the woman is downstairs." I insisted on Erni

"Anu tea he's Aak's friend.. uh Anu, he's our brother." replied Erni who further added to my suspicions.

"erni went down. Let's make it all clear." I asked as I pulled erni's hand to follow me downstairs.

It turned out that the woman was no longer with Edi and Edi was still with a pale and nervous face leaning against the wall of the house looking at me and Erni who approached him.

"Where is he." I asked Edi

Edi did not answer just shrugged his shoulders in response. I got more and more emotional seeing the reaction of edi that time.

"It has. Without you and erni explaining everything. I make sure that woman is not your brother, right?!

Edi and Erni again did not answer my question.

"This is your behavior as long as I'm not home. And you Erni-what as a sister-you don't remind your brother of sin."

"Hey, stop. Don't blame my sister for this.! edi shouted at me in a high tone.

"Then tell me honestly who the woman was" I replied in a high tone.

Edi immediately twisted his body and hit the wall behind him. "Baom!!! his clasped hands instantly smashed into the face of the brick wall of the house.  "Ok I answered. He's my girlfriend."

It didn't feel like believing - but this has happened so many times in my household and Edi - and this time I'VE GIVEN UP on surviving.

"Astaqfirullahalazimhausen. I don't understand all of you in this house. Are you very tolerant of this kind of adultery and infidelity?! I said very angry. I stared intently at Edi and then I turned to Erni. "and you know your brother's relationship? I asked Erni.

Erni simply nodded and then her face bowed.

"You don't have to answer. I already know the answer, and you-sister.  I've been patient with all your behavior so far. I've told you many times that you don't want to continue this marriage - to be honest with me. I with Ilikas accept - yet we have not been blessed with children until now." I continued to Edi who did not dwell even denied like biasapun did not do.

"I want you to divorce me." I said again

"OK if you want a divorce from me. Please. Some who want to be the same you again after divorce from me. Look at your body that is like dumbruk" Edi replied to my statement with scorn that he often throws at me.

Edi's words were so painful to me. But this change in my body shape began from Edi's parents' compulsion that I consume concoction herbs and pills KB on the grounds that I quickly became pregnant. Until finally my obstetrician asked me to stop the consumption of these drugs.

Tonight I feel like I can't afford to stay on one roof with the person who always makes my anger flare up. I really don't understand the thoughts of Edi's family. Infidelity seems to be a common thing in their family.

Ayuni and Aman had experienced the same thing - when Ayuni who had not been recognized by Aman's parents as a daughter-in-law many times was found cheating with a man who was also one of Aman's relatives in the city Bristle. Aman who has a soft and patient disposition also repeatedly forgives Ayuni's mistakes. Until one day the swingers conceive their first child and Aman's parents seem to not believe that the child in the womb of Ayuni is from the flesh of their child.

Edi and I tried many times to mediate their problems. Until one day the two decided to move from Bengkulu City and settle down with us.

At that time I felt a sense of impropriety in the Edi family because they actually knew and seemed proud of the behavior of Ayuni who had many men despite already bearing the status of one's wife.

"Ordinary is mah. Cheating there cheating here. The meaning of Na si Ayu is a lot of people like. Pan Apih's child is beautiful" said Edi's father defending his daughter when Aman complained all the behavior of Ayuni to both parents.

I don't know, I'm really crazy when I think about their families.

It was already one o'clock in the morning, I chose to get out of the house that very night - and look for the nearest inn. Maybe I still need some time to calm down. I have no power to say, I want to tell these things to my parents.

This time I decided to part with Edi.