I LOVE YOU (I LOVE YOU NOT)
Forever Go II

A moment of awakening - it turned out I was lying in a hospital bed. A man in an army uniform whom I knew nothing about stood beside me.

"thank you, I'm aware" he said.

I looked at the man in the green uniform. I tried to get up from my position lying on that white bed - but my left hand was hard to give.

"Aagggh.." My voice sounded groaning in pain.

"Mom don't move much first" she said with a worried face.

"Sorry Father who? How am I here?"ask me curious

"I'm Herman BU. I found my mother lying on the side of the road. I was helped by a colleague I brought my mother to this box.it happened to be not far from the scene." she explained to me.

"thank you Mr. Herman. It has helped me." I said again to the man

"Sorry Mom. Is there a mother's family we can call." asked Mr. Herman to me. "oh, this looks like Mom's cell phone. I found it not far from the location." he continued, handing over my mobile phone which was in a damaged condition.

I received a call of mine handed over by Mr. Herman. " Well, how can I contact my family. My husband is in the hospital" I said again

"Mom can use my mobile phone" he said as he reached out his mobile phone.

I accepted Mr. Herman's offer. To be honest I'm confused who I'll contact because in this town I'm just living alone. The only person still called family was my husband Edi - but Edi's condition now felt impossible to contact.

With much thought in mind, I finally contacted Aman, the husband of Edi's sister, Ayuni. I'm actually not too close to Aman but because the man is from the same area as me makes us more open when we are exchanging ideas, especially about the relationship of our respective households that have almost the same problem.

"Assalamualaikum," Aman's voice came from Herman's cell phone earlier.

"Waalaikumsalam, Mother. This is Ayuk Diana" I said

"Oh, Yes Yuk. Whose number is yuk? Do you change the number? ask again

"No. This is borrowed from someone else. Ayuk just had an accident." I explained.

" Innalady. Come on, where's the position? But does Ayuk know that Edi is being treated right now" he asked in a voice that turned frantic

"Yes, Ayuk wanted to go straight to the hospital. It's just that no one knows there will be an accident like this." I explained. "ohya, you don't tell this to Edi because he is not in good condition." continued me again.

"Yes Yuk.But how is the state of ayuk now? ask Aman again

"Yuk is not too severe, after being examined, Ayuk will go straight to the hospital" I said again. Although actually my condition is not good, but I do not want to add worry to others because of my condition.

After our lengthy conversation - Finally I asked Aman to pick me up at the pack where I was being treated - because according to Mr. Herman the condition of the service motor I was driving during the accident was severely damaged.

After several hours of medical check-ups, I was finally allowed to go home. My left hand and foot were bandaged and fitted with pads or support so that the hand did not move easily and the injury did not get worse.

Apparently Aman was waiting for me - Aman who I asked to pick me up I asked to bring my car parked in our rented house because it did not allow my condition to coincide with a two-wheeled vehicle. That day I decided to rest first in my house instead of taking Edi to the hospital - I didn't have the confidence to meet Edi or his family in my condition.

Aman opened the car door for me and helped me get inside the house. Teh Tuti was waiting for me in the house. The middle-aged woman's face looked worried at my condition. Fortunately Aman took the initiative to have Teh Tuti accompany me at home so that I would have no trouble meeting my needs when I did not allow for much movement like this.

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Although I hate Edi but there is still a sense of worry in my mind about what is happening to Edi at this time.

"How are the conditions,"I asked Kang Asep my foster brother who apparently was there first. I saw no other members of Edi's family besides Aman there. In addition to Kang Asep and Aman there are several fellow badminton players Edi waiting outside the room.

"Critical. Your husband is unconscious again." said Asep kang with a facial expression that looks tense.

"Huh? my reaction seemed to not believe the explanation of Asep's kang.

I tried to get inside the ICU but the nurse standing at the door wouldn't let me.

"I'm sorry the doctors are treating critical patients" said the nurse.

"But I'm his wife." I said forcefully.

"Sorry mother" he said again.

" I only saw Edi lying motionless and occasionally flinched as the doctors attached a defribrilator (pacemaker) to Edi's chest.

For a long time the doctors tried to help Edi but then I saw one of them give a warning to stop the treatment earlier.

What's up, my mind. Can Edi be saved?

One of the doctors came out of the ICu room and approached us who stood still waiting for certainty about the condition of Edi from the doctors who handled it.

"From Mr Edi's family? ask the doctor

"I'm his wife, doc." I answered aloud. The young doctor did not immediately continue his words - his face bowed and his eyes looked at me with a sad look, "I'm sorry our mother tried but Mother's husband we couldn't save."

Spontaneous people who had been standing at the door of ICu shouted hysterically and some expressed condolences at the news.

I was speechless - it never crossed my mind that the divorce I hoped would happen was precisely God amenable in a different way that I did not expect at all.

Edi just had to leave me forever in a different way.

The body lay stiff in front of me. My mind was already uncertain - there came to my mind whether all this was because of my fault that demanded a divorce from Edi. Did I make it this way? Did I want this to happen to Edi.

Kang Asep tried to calm me down - He knew very well what was on my mind at the time without me having to tell him.

"We have to Classify, Di," Kang Asep told me.

I just nodded slowly - I really don't know what to do right now.

I saw Aman busy with his cell phone calling the other Edi family. Apparently they are not currently in the city of Bandung as I thought. Edi's family is celebrating the return of Edi's sister-in-law who had worked in Taiwan as a foreign worker in the country.

I don't know-I can't imagine their reaction to the sad news about Edi back then. I also can't imagine how lost they are let alone I know once Edi is the only family member who sustains all the needs of their family.

Some others seemed busy preparing everything to bring Edi's body home. And I can't do much with my limitations. After Aman discussed with the family Edi in his hometown - finally decided Edi's body will soon be brought to the city of Cirebon where his hometown.

Ambulance sirens accompanied Edi's body.  Me, Kang Asep and a few people followed with my car from behind. This time I can only make peace with myself to forgive Edi and erase my hatred for him. It's all over - No more quarrels - no more misunderstandings, my mind murmured. I can only stand by what happened to me. All was like a nightmare - I had an accident a few days ago and also along with Edi who was sick and now has been called God left us.

All of God has planned.