Imperfection
Chapter 4

"Lili, let's go home. I'll take you home. Oya, what do you want to buy??? Today I want to buy you a meal." said Ryan who just gave one of the helmets he always brought to campus, which he purposely gave to me right there right now.

I put on the helmet and looked up to see it. "Whatever. I'm in a bad mood today." I replied lazily and also did not wait. Unfortunately, I lost my mood today.

I could hear Ryan breathing out loud enough there. "Yes already... Then, I'll just buy you boba, how? That's your favorite. I'll buy you two glasses. Okay?! Now get on the bike and we go together" Ryan said in a cheerful tone.

I saw him smiling broadly at me and in an instant I returned his smile wide as well. And slowly, I started riding on the bike. Which is my routine and Ryan's after college. And yes, Ryan always takes me home with him. And he, by no means mind. Then after that, Ryan ran his motorcycle towards one of the boba shophouses and actually bought me two boba glasses. Of course three, because one glass is for Kak Rendi.

"Are you sure you want to buy this much??" I asked for the umpteenth time. Because I feel really bad to make Ryan buy me this much boba.

Ryan smiled and nodded his head. "No problem. Besides, it's a treat because it's my payday today. So I want to share with you. Besides that also because you are my best friend and also Tina." she replied back.

I smiled stiffly. Companions... I whispered in my heart. I'm back to remembering my status in Ryan's life. I was just his best friend and... It was actually a feeling enough to make me feel really sick. I've been in love with Ryan since we first met in the first semester of college. Although, I myself have never said all of that directly. Because, on the one hand I feel ashamed and also on the other, I do not want if until this long friendship we have become a mess and destroyed instantly.

"Come, I'll drive you home. It's afternoon... Surely soon Brother Rendi came home from the office." said Ryan who immediately woke me from a moment's daydream.

I nodded with my right hand carrying a crackle bag containing three buckwheat glasses of various flavors inside. We got back on the bike and we were on our way home.

***

I sighed before finally putting the three-glass bag right up to the top of the dining table there. Then walk quickly to my room to be able to clean up. It did not take long, I immediately went back down to the dining room and began to enjoy a glass of boba there. But I know that my mind drifts everywhere, even if I don't want it at all.

"I didn't... I feel bored and empty of my present life."

I murmured, though aware that there would be no one to listen and also answer my words there right now. While continuing to enjoy the boba and also see the content of social media on my phone. Nothing special, just ordinary things. But my mind could not at all move on from the words Ryan had said. I feel very impervious. I love her, but I have to cover it up.

"I don't know how I could feel something like this to Ryan. I should have loved him from the beginning. I should have told myself not to fall in love with Ryan. But my heart refused to do it. The more I try to be able to hold back this feeling... The bigger this feeling I feel. Wh why?? Why should I feel such a complicated feeling like this?? Although I knew this was a mistake, I couldn't help but fall in love with Ryan, my best friend. Now then, how can I survive?? And keep pretending... That I'm fine and still be the old Lili."

I murmured with a very empty feeling. Even though I said those words there. I still don't feel good enough. I feel lost. Because I knew that I would never have the chance to say all that to Ryan. Even if I wanted to, I realized that I would never be able to do it. I let out a loud sigh, before finally returning to drinking the boba.

Not long after that, though, the sound of a car entered the front yard of the house and immediately I put the glass containing my bob which was still half back on the table and ran out of the house. And found that Kak Rendi's car had just entered. And shortly after, Rendi got out of the car and was seen carrying a bag of crackles in her right hand. I smiled and began to approach right at him there.

"What's that??" I asked curiously and stared a little glancing towards the crackle bag in Kak Rendi's hand.

"It... It's martabak and also bright moon-flavored milk cheese chocolate. Exactly the same as your favorite." replied Kak Rendi while carrying the high pouch there with the look of his face that looks sumringah.

I also returned with a big smile. Although I feel empty and lonely because I did not get the attention of my mom and dad. At least, I still have Brother Rendi who is always considerate of me despite the slightest thing.