
After Habibah cleaned the house and put clothes and some things in place, Habibah laid his body very tired from doing all that alone. It did not feel Habibah was asleep in her room until she did not realize the arrival of her husband. Qodir watched Habibah fall asleep from exhaustion. I don't know what he was thinking at the time. Why is it like this? When I try to love him and love him with all my heart, it's like this now. What am I supposed to do now?
Qodir was sitting next to his sleeping wife, and he watched her closely. He began to love his wife, especially now they are pregnant with their first child. It made his heart even more agitated. Before long the phone rang which made Habibah wake up because he was surprised to hear the sound of the phone ringing. Which made Habibah even more surprised once her eyes caught the figure of her husband sitting next to her. Spontaneous wake him up from his sleep.
"When did you come?"
" Just now.."
" Emm.. What time is it?"
" Jam one.. Wake up, you haven't prayed, have you?"
" Em.yeah" Habibah answered him briefly. Habibah immediately got up from her seat and headed for the bathroom. Qodir went into the room and put his suitcase next to his wardrobe. Then lay his body on his bed with a daydream that looked far away somewhere. While Habibah had finished bathing and praying, he had not yet moved from the top of his alphabet. He felt very awkward about the situation at that moment. He did not dare to go too far with the relationship between Qodir and Lina. It was just that she believed that their relationship was not that simple, considering what she had seen two days ago was enough to make her understand what position she was in her husband. Although there is affection shown by her husband, but it is just a duty as a husband to his wife. Maybe we are the same, we have someone in our hearts. Could this child be born from a mistake? Why didn't I prevent this pregnancy? I used to hope that with children there would be a genuine feeling of love and affection for him, not because of the obligation as a wife to her husband or vice versa from a husband to his wife. Then now, if Lina really is the love of Qodir then what should I do? Fighting to keep him, but on what basis should I fight for him? My heart is also his heart is both still there is someone else's name. Does this kid deserve the reason? O Allah. What should I do, Give me your guidance for the way out of this matter..
On the other hand, Lina was staring at the phone in her hand. He called a name from a contact stored on his cell phone. After a long wait, finally his call was received as well.
" Ho, where are you now?" ask spoiled Lina.
" Home. What's up?"
" I miss. Can we meet?"
" Sorry Lina. I'm in a rented house near my workplace. And I'm far away now, so I can't see you." said Qodir while yawning, because he woke up from his sleep when his phone rang.
" Send me the address, I'll be there."
" No, I don't want any trouble later."
" What's the problem mas, I'm just kangen same as you how can be a problem..?" ask Lina wonder.
" I know you're married. But I don't care, I just want to see you because I miss you. Is your wife the pregnant woman? Do you love him that's why you prevent me from meeting you? Or because she's pregnant with your child that's why you want to stay away from me?"
" Em.m.I.."
" Oh yes, try asking him. Does he mind or not if I meet you? Ask him, is he really love and love or not like you? If he can't answer as well as you do now, then there's no reason for me to miss and meet you."
" all right.. I'll ask him that later. I'll hang up now, assalamu'alaykum."
" Okay, wa'alaykumussalam"
Habibah just stared behind the door of his room. She overhears a conversation between her husband and Lina as she is about to return to her room. His feelings were mixed, between sad and disappointed. He felt sad because his marriage was really mutual no love and affection. Disappointed because it turns out her husband will be able to do that behind her back. Although they do not have each other's feelings, Habibah always tries not to connect with other men besides her husband. Dielus stomach distended with a sore heart, did not feel her tears flowing in her soft cheeks. He felt sinful towards the child in his womb. You he was present in the middle of the situation his parents are still strangers to each other.
Habibah finally set foot into the kitchen to take drinking water hoping that the water can relieve the turmoil in his chest a little. Swiping his tears slowly, he took a deep breath hoping to relieve his chest that seemed narrow squeezed to make it difficult to breathe. He looked at his small kitchen with a heart that whimpers. I used to wish that if I got married, this place would be the most beautiful place besides my bed. I used to imagine this place where I would pamper my husband and my children with my affection through my cooking that I served them. But now, it's all just a dream. Dreams are getting away from real. A dream that will only remain a dream will not come true.
Suddenly flashed a shadow of someone he was very familiar with and close to his heart. Well, Purnomo suddenly came to his memory. I don't know which demon is whispering the longing in his heart, making Habibah again shed his tears. Habibah immediately got up from her seat and headed for the sink to wash her face. He istighfar repeatedly realized there was something wrong with him. Remembering and missing other men besides her husband is a mistake even if only for a moment.
After dinner, Habibah did not move from his seat. She ventured to open a conversation with her husband.
" Can I ask you something?" habibah asked a little doubtfully.
" Yes, ask what you want to ask."
" Mad.. Do you love the woman who came to your mother's house that day? If yes, you can marry her if she wants. I will never force anyone to like me and live with me. I freed you to choose the one that I think is the best. You don't have to worry about me and this kid. We'll be fine. If you're worried about our parents, let me talk to them. But please do not do anything wrong behind my back. If you love each other sincerely, then don't hide behind me. Because I'll never mind you guys being together, as long as it's not like it is now. Remember, you are married, he is not your mahram then if you continue to do so then you will continue to collect sin and I also feel guilty with what you are doing behind my back. Or if you feel unable to polygamy, then I will step down as your wife. I will file for divorce after I give birth. But I beg you not to do what Allah does not believe. Maybe we don't love and love each other as lovers. But that doesn't mean you can do that to me, I try not to hurt anyone in our marriage. So I beg you to do the same, do not hurt me with something like this. Now that the choice is in your hands, think calmly and tell me the decision if you already know what you think is best. Then I will accept with a chest." After saying everything he wanted to ask and convey, Habibahpun left Qodir who was still silent in his place. Qodir didn't think his wife could tell him all that. He could not even answer a word of the many that his wife had said. He did not expect, if Habibah had a clean heart to say the thing he knew was hated by women. But his wife said it very calmly as if it had no effect on him, but he believed his wife was injured especially when he was carrying a child from her. A little bit of it must have been hurt, but his wife could still say all that very calmly. It's very confusing... Bathin Qodir's.
***
when love should choose🤭🤭