Enigma A Feel
14 ESP'S

🌼 May You Be Happy 🌼

Litaskunu ilaiha's"

You know, every time I hear that word, or a verse about it is read out for some reason my tears are dripping. Ah, this verse again, thought I and I heard it for someone else's party. When is the turn of the verse addressed to me?

"Don't think too much"

That's what you would say if you were next to me. You will forbid me to think too much and overload my brain with those thoughts. And you will tell me that someday that happy thing will also be felt.

Just like in the past, when I miss my mother, you will say that I have many mothers there who will smile proudly at my success. And my birth mother in heaven, will also do the same, smiling happily for the success of her beloved little daughter. Such is the comfort you give, until my tears that want to dart so stopped right in the eyes.

But now you're far, far too far away to just entertain me. Tell funny stories about your childhood, or stories about the meeting of your parents who were finally united to the same destiny by God. And every time you end your story, I slip a do'a on God, to allow us to be in the same destiny forever. But what do you want to say, God separated us and slapped me hard to realize that you were not created for me.

You are with someone else, a perfect woman who is with you. Until this is how I am now, plagued by prolonged grief because my hope is lost and only become wishful thinking at height. I am selfish, yes you say, I hope to be happy but from others and until anytime I will never get it, right?

I wish to be happy, but still keep you in my mind in every routine. Until finally I realized that I had to create my own happy without having to wait for you or anyone to come to visit home. For the umpteenth time, I chanted again.

Today's afternoon, when the verse about "litaskunu ilaiha" was heard again by my sense of hearing. My tears were dripping again, and my hands started typing strange things that I didn't even understand myself. I'm sorry because only in this empty space can I freely say even this absurd word that I don't understand.

May you be happy, someone who is 510 kilometers from here

Pasuruan, December 23, 2018

🌼 Let Me Say Even If I Don't Get Answers 🌼

We never know someone's age. It could be that today I can still write down my hidden feelings for you. But tomorrow, maybe you've found me dead and coming back to the creator.

I just don't want to be sorry for the rest of my life. Hence I expressed the feelings that I kept secretly in this empty space. Not to get a reply from you or everyone's feelings of kasian because my love is no master.

I just want to state it, so that my feelings remain eternal in this empty space even though I have returned to the owner. No matter how many times you will ignore it when you suddenly read my writing. It doesn't matter though you end up pressing the delete button on my account as your friend. Because again, as I said at the beginning, I just wanted to say that I didn't get a reply.

Let my feelings only be mine, Let it be though he is unrequited. Because however reciprocated or not the feeling is ttp love his name. Let destiny remain in God's hands and let my love be peerless in the end, the important thing is God. For by Allah, Anaa Uhibbuka Fillah.

For you someone who might ignore it when you know my statement. It's okay, you just need to know. That I ever told you. About what I kept secretly.

Until maybe a few more hours, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow or later I close my eyes for good. I am glad I ever said it. Even though you don't return it.

Pasuruan, December 25, 2018