Enigma A Feel
5 ESP'S

🌼 Self and Self 🌼

Holding back from tears is hard. And this is what's happening now. I had to wake him up while he was resting just to put the bitter chemical into his mouth. I had to insert a syringe to put the chemical into his blood. Something I used to avoid doing so much because of my fear of hurting the people I care about.

But what power, there is no choice for me to choose. It's the only thing, I only have my own when everyone has their own way of life. And you, the only one I need to strengthen, went off somewhere. Only a few seconds later when you say yes to my door. You've been lost, far away and may never come back. And finally I have to go back to that one decision again. That then and now, I only have myself and myself.

🌼 Most Perfect Remover 🌼

You're the most perfect remover. I don't even have the courage to look for you anymore. Or send you some more messages. Since you said yes and then you disappeared. Since then, I have lost the courage to call you again. I blame myself, many times. And I hate myself.

I should have kept that promise. I should have kept that distance. You know best that I hate to break a promise. But I did it this time. I don't blame you for suddenly leaving and disappearing. Because I know that in your life there was never me. Or even a little bit about me.

I hated myself, who could not overcome my own fears. I hate myself who is always weak in front of you. I hate myself involving you when you don't want to. I hated myself, who lost against the heart that I had been strong for years. Not to call you anymore. Not to search your name in search engines.

For you, the most perfect remover on earth. Thank you for staying okay. Thank you for staying happy. And thank you for saying yes, even if you eventually disappear perfectly.

🌼 Hugging Sepi 🌼

You never know when the exam comes and what it looks like. Ready or not you can only accept it with good reception. Even when the exam came, it went from one thing to another. All you can do is accept and try to do. It is not foreign if you then ask in your heart. Is this the purpose because God hates us for our sins, or is this one of his forms of love?

Sometimes you want to ask God about it. But should you ask him? Do you have to ask why this happened? No, if you ask that it means you're denying his destiny. Just put your trust in Him, that it is best for you.

However, sometimes you also feel doubtful about yourself. Can you get through it ? At times like that, you need it. Needing him, the only comfortable place for you to share your story. The only one you can trust with all your heart. You don't care if others disappear when you need to. Just him, you wish just let him stay with you when you need him and you will become stronger.

But baby, how come you're just desperate at height. He goes and you just stay alone. Hugging desolate, swallowing sad and tightness in your chest. You need him, to save your cramped chest. You need him, to at least be a story-telling place. But, again it is only hope that depends on height and you cannot reach it. He's gone, disappeared and you can't find him anymore.

On, 29/8/2018