Enigma A Feel
ESP 19
🌼 If You Know 🌼
At times like this I need you. But I no longer have the courage to call you. I know your attitude explained everything the other day. But again, I also do not know why you always think in my 2nd like this...Sometimes I wonder to God about you? Why should you? You didn't even look at me. But why am I still waiting for you?
I choose rejection for some people just for you. And I still don't know why everything is like this. Kali2 I told myself that you were gone. I even cast spells that you were dead, in my mind.
I ask God if you are the best for me and my religion in the hereafter to be brought closer, and if otherwise my heart may be kept away from you. Tpi until this moment the answer do'a-do'a that msih does not exist. And until now, in times like these I still need you, even though I can't do anything about it. Especially telling you.#andaikamutahu.
Pasuruan, June 16, 2019
🌼 Advice Budhe 🌼
If you remember the advice of Budhe a day ago, until this moment I still shed tears.Budhe said, let it not be thought of. Let the person do this, do not ignore.Let the person say this, so, do not listen.If too byk born will hurt yourself nduk..Just look at it, saying in your heart, O God, can there be such a man in the world??
All you have to think about is yourself. It is time to think about your own interests. It's good to find a companion nduk. So that you can have a place to share and a place to exchange ideas. So that you do not bear all the burdens alone. It's time for jg anyway....
I could only nod and answer raucously in the middle of my cries, while asking myself. Will there be a companion like Budhe meant? Who can not only accept me with all my advantages and disadvantages, but who can also make me feel free to give up the rest of my life for him?
Every time I remember that advice, my tears never stop dripping. God wants me to shed more tears for Him. Which I have not allowed to drip out for a long time by damping it in my heart, I thought...
#Budheku_love#Thankyouhaveit#Jadyingetibu#Tiapliatbudhe..Pasuruan, June 18, 2019
🌼 I Lost You Now 🌼
When I was a child, I was often bullied, my curly hair ran everywhere, my skin and also my short body always mjdi bullyan material for them, boys. But you just keep quiet, don't follow them even if you're one of them,,, you,,,
When my little brain is empty like a shell of a tornado, you help me. Teach what I don't understand when the teacher puts us in the same seat. You appreciate me, unlike the others, who can only insult and laugh at me. You were my savior then. And since then, it's like you've met before, and it's true then that before in elementary school we had a kindergarten.
And then we went up to junior high school. And you're starting to get to know teenage love. Someone told me he got a letter from you. And I can only smile2 about it. My friend, being in love, my inner being. Until it sounds then you are dating her, then either ends until finally you with another and so on...
And we, just smile at each other when we meet even though we always have 1 class in three years studying in junior high school. Until then, before graduation you ask the question: "Where to go?" And I said: "SMA", you nod your head. I then asked the same question: "You?". "SMK," you said. And I just said: "Oh..," in response to your answer. And that was the last time we went to the same school.
Until one day we accidentally met on public transport. I see you, but pretend not to know. There is a awkwardness that I feel when I want to greet you, maybe so are you, and we only talk through eye gestures. And when I got home a few hours later I got a message from you. I don't know where you know my number? At that time, aq was not very familiar with social media, even only hpku can only call and text, the rest play tetris games. Tp, you suddenly sent a message. Continuing to every 2 years at the time of Eid, we always gather with other smp friends for friendship, and you either see the next door can know what I'm hiding.
"Where's your smile?" ask you first by short message, d my new number because I changed the number many2 due to byk org prank that sent me a message. And again I just ignored it. And among many people, until that moment you are the one2 who remember my birthday the most and never forget to say it until that day when I choose to isolate myself from all kinds of mass forms.
However, no matter how many years later when college break arrived and I was visiting my mother in the hospital, you sent a message. That you broke up with him, yes he's my own best friend who then mjdi your ex-lover, with all the arguments and paradoxes that you throw. And I, can only mjwab that way. Until finally, I asked ma'af to you because I could reply to your message the next morning, with pjlsn that I was in the hospital mjga my mother. And you do not mjwbnya, also reluctant to ask about my mother's illness until when she closed the eyes even though you never asked, or just condolences. You close your eyes and only care about your own pain.
From that moment on, I told myself. "Ah, I lost my friend." I thought. Until I came to the wedding of my best friend who was also someone in the past for you, I even wanted to shed tears from imagining you might be very sad and suffer from hearing this news. And I pray sincerely to the Lord that one day you will also be found in your last port.
And yesterday, the peak of everything. When you pledge marriage at your invitation. And I can only thank God, finally this man, my childhood friend, found a place to dock forever. And I sincerely congratulate you, when I shake your palm over your marriage, in spite of all sorts of past forms.. I also breathed a sigh of relief. Ah, I lost you forever now....
#temankecilku #my best friend #happywedding #alwayshappyforever #thankforeverbecomemyfriend
Pasuruan, June 18, 2019