Enigma A Feel
6 ESP'S
🌼 In 🌼
Is it wrong to feel jealous? To those around me who laugh happily. To them my best friends can be perfect women. Also to him, who met you first and got your sincerity? Again, I was envious of that lucky woman.
All I ask is simple. You, yes you...But, it is selfish not if I ask you. You asked for him and not me? Therefore I am trying to let go, mengikhlaskan, tp still always you who are centered in my heart.
Don't think I haven't fought for a few years. I fought, avoided you, drew a long distance from you, and resisted my greatest desire to know what you are. But, when the fear of the past comes like a replayed movie. I found you again, as the only place where I could lean back for a moment to share the story. But unfortunately, before I could lean I fell first. Because in fact God did not allow me to stand on you. Or maybe, you're not the footing I should be on? I don't know...
In the afternoon today, a tinge of orange rises at the foot of the sky. I envy him, who met you first and got your sincerity.
🌼 Fear 🌼
The siren's voice was timid like an echo. The sound that always makes my feathers stand up. And the voice that always raises my fear back mski have long tried to bury in 2.
The voice was buzzing not to leave. It causes pain in the heart and trembling within. But I have to go through, I have to experience it again, myself.
The sound of the siren 180 minutes 360 seconds ago that I must remember always. That's when I fought with the fears of the past. With do'a and expectant of brothers, I am ridho, sincerely lillah hirobbi if you have to face that fear once again. For the sake of my bone hero, may he heal again.(amin).
🌼 Expect you 🌼
Expecting you, just as I wish to pluck the stars in the night sky for me to keep. Expecting you, is like crossing an ocean that I don't know the end of. Expecting you, just like walking without a destination, how long and far away I can't find the end of the journey.
I don't ask for much, just give me the strength to survive, from all the gripping sadness and fear. Just tell me that I am strong, I am the strongest woman ever, and for sure I can get through everything with sincerity and airiness. It felt crowded, when everyone who visited told me to stay patient, while I held back tears from falling that very second.
I did not even dare to ask God why this should be so, because this was his path of destiny. However, I still have little hope in my endeavors, hoping that my father returns as he was, he said, hold my hand and hand it over to him whom He prepared as my priest someday. Tell me, am I overreacting?. Tell me am I being too selfish if I want my father to be there until that time comes?
A thousand times I asked in this empty space, you still wouldn't answer right? And neither will you be beside me when everything turns to a moment as frightening as these moments . I know and I know very consciously, because in the end it's like what I said at the beginning. That expecting you is a real impossibility.
Sidoarjo, September 10, 2018