Hot Couple: Love Story Inara Season 3
Uncertain Feelings

"Oh my God!" I jumped and spontaneously closed my eyes. Suddenly my hair bristled. I'm goosebumps.

Reza touched both my shoulders. "Why? You see what?" tanyakanya.

"It's nothing, Mum. I'm just flickering."

I nodded and opened my eyes slowly. There's nothing. I took a deep breath and convinced myself - - that I was wrong, just hallucinating. No ghosts, no Salsya there.

Relax, Nara. It's your fear and guilt that makes you hallucinate like this. Calm. Calm. Calm.

Huh.my chest is rumbling. I again circulated the view to the parking area under the tree, the place where Salsya and I had a fight a few days ago. No, that's the place where I get mad at him, and I curry favor with him. I even prayed for him to die that day. Well, my quarrels are still firmly in my memory. My words, as well as my hopes for his death - ring in the head. It felt, as if I was the bitter tongue that just triggered the ugliness, then it happened immediately. People say, words are prayer. Good or bad.

Yeah, I don't regret Salsya's death, but I regret wanting her. It makes me feel that my heart is evil, but I'm not that bad.

"Come, sweetie."

I nodded wordlessly, and began to step along the funeral path, with Reza beside me, holding my hands and footsteps that were in rhythm with my footsteps. Four burly bodyguards walked in the back, several meters away from me. Intentionally, I didn't want them to be too conspicuous to escort me. For I am a nobody, not the wife of a sultan, a president, let alone a prince or a king. I'd rather they keep a distance away from me.

After a few steps that left me slightly exhausted, his tombstone began to appear, its surface looking smooth and shiny. Since I could not squat down, I just stood up and sowed flowers on his grave solemnly.

"You lead the prayer, yes, Mas. Pray for him."

Reza nodded, he sat down near a gravestone carved in bold letters, SALSYA AULIA PRINCESS BINT AHMAD ALBAR. He prayed, and I agreed, whatever he asked God for someone whose body lay there.

Thereafter...

"Why?" ask Reza. He stood up and wiped my tears. "Of course, don't cry. I can't see you like this."

"Why are you talking like that?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, then said, "Some of my heart is grateful that she is no more. I can't deny that there's relief in my heart. I thought, that means no one else is going to disturb our household. Maybe we'll be really happy without anyone bothering. But on the other hand, I also feel guilty. Because of me. In fact, now... Aulian..," my words faltered in tears. "Because of me, right?"

Reza shook his head, and wiped away my tears that could not stop. "Listen, it's fate like this. Who can fight against destiny? It was time for Salsya to leave. That's the will above. Julian will be fine too. Sure."

I hope so.

"I don't want to be a hypocrite either. I honestly feel like this is the best, especially for you and our kids. Please, honey, don't drag on with your guilt. I'm afraid you're down. I'm afraid our son is the victim. They are innocent. They deserve to live healthy, they can not be burdened. You understand what I mean?"

I nodded and slammed into his arms. "I understand, Mas. But I didn't mean to..," I said defeated by the roar of tears. "It's not what I want, Mommy."

Reza stroked my shoulder. "Back from here, I want you to keep yourself busy" he said. "Don't give that guilt a chance to get into your mind. Whatever, you cook, you write. Anything. Yea?"

I'm a human being, not a system that can be controlled.

"You can" said Reza, as if he knew my head. "Slowly, over time, that guilt will go away on its own. I only ask that you be strong, strong for yourself, for me, for our children. Promise?"

I'm nodding. "I'll try."

Trying, does not mean you can. Or just can't?

I don't know. But I know, my kids can't be victims.