Loving Paralyzed Men
Impotence

After feeling better, Akira decides to see Dimas at the hospital. However, upon arrival, he must face Dimas' anger.

"The contract with Mr. Nugroho is off" Dimas said. "I should have known that he wouldn't negotiate with anyone but me, even though Sam was actually very competent." Dimas looks really upset. "How am I supposed to run a business if I'm like this?" Shouts again.

"One contract that's off, won't make your company lose, right, Dim?" reply Akira.

"No. But I don't like failure." Dimas looked at Akira, "in every way."

'Is he insinuating me? Ah no way.' murmured Akira.

The angry face of Dimas indicates that he is frustrated with his current situation.

"There will be another chance for you Dimas. Soon, you'll be back with your job and living with all the hustle and bustle of your business."

"What if I can't? What if I'm gonna be paralyzed forever and never get out of this fucking bed?" Shouting Dimas.

"Doctor Jerry's very optimistic, he thinks you're gonna get well. Try to be patient."

"Patience, dammit!" Jerky Dimas. "Easy for you to say patient. It's not you who's stuck here watching your life get ruined!"

Feeling that his patience was gone, Akira's jaw hardened, but he quickly reminded himself that Dimas was not angry with him but frustrated with his illness.

"I've read about GBS Dim. I know you have a good chance of recovery. Many people have recovered from this disease. So you have to stay up and be patient."

"Ooh, thank you Doctor Abraham, mmm Doctor Akira, or whoever you are. I don't know why I should pay Doctor Bayu if you can work for free."

"Dimaass you..."

"What's? Me what? What do you want from me? I'm actually wondering, why have you been here all this time?"

"Because you have a very good business, and I can't do anything in my life." Akira tried to contain his anger. "I know your life is not in good shape right now, but I'm trying to support you. But I also had a bad day, and I don't want to interfere with everything with you."

Akira then walked towards the door, "good night." He said as he walked out.

"I may have impotence."

Akira stopped stepping and turned back to look at Dimas, "what?" Akira asked in surprise.

"Doctor Jerry said, chances are I'm going to have impotence. I don't really want to tell anyone."

"How long have you known about this?" Akira asked with a calm tone of voice.

"About a week, when I was in the ICU."

Akira's heart was pounding.

'He's been keeping this from me all this time?'

"Do you want to talk about this?" ask Akira.

"There's not much to talk about this. Just being able to see and wait, what will happen next."

"I know my voice's been like a broken radio. But, I want you to stay optimistic, try to be more patient. Your illness has now stopped to get worse. It's a good thing, isn't it?"

"A long way to get like this. And who knows, how long it's gonna take me to make a full recovery?" Say Dimas, "Impotency. Shit, just calling it makes me hurt." Dimas then looked towards the wall.

A few moments in silence, Akira finally sat down on the chair. He was also at a loss for words.

'Did he have impotence? No way, ' Akira thought.

Dimas is a man who is very passionate about making love. It will make Akira feel very loved. And now that Dimas was experiencing impotence, it was very difficult for Akira to think about it.

"Well, do you remember the night we first met?" Dimas' words broke the silence between them.

"of course. The night of Ferro and Windi's wedding. I just graduated college. I had never been to a wedding and had a lot of people. I remember that night you looked so handsome wearing a black tuxedo." Reply Akira.

'A night I will never forget.'

"I always look at you in the crowd. The red dress you're wearing makes you look really sexy. You stop under the lights, making your hair look even more shiny. Then you smile at me. I was twenty-six years old, and there was never a woman who could steal my sight. But I stood and looked at you like a man in love. I'll always remember your smile and your sexy dress." Dimas.

Akira shifted his chair towards Dimas. He held Dimas' hand tightly.

"They played Endless Love by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross."

"You still remember that?" Akira asked in disbelief.

"Of course."

Unaware of what she was doing, Akira climbed on top of Dimas' bed and lay by his side. Akira put his head on the chest and arms of Dimas. Akira closed his eyes and let all the memories drift through his mind.

When the music stops, Dimas and Akira go to the dark side of the porch of the house where the wedding party takes place. Akira stared fixedly at Dimas, closing his eyes, hoping that Dimas would kiss him. But Dimas teased her, making Akira feel amused. Dimas kissed Akira's forehead, then his eyes, and then his cheeks until he finally kissed his lips.

Dimas smiled, "I still remember how you kissed me. I'm sure it was your first kiss."

Akira laughed, "yes, you're right. It was my first kiss with a stranger."

"What about our first night, do you remember?" ask Dimas.

Akira's fur immediately goosebumps considering his first night experience.

"I didn't think you were a virgin at all. I think most women today have done it with their lovers. I feel a little guilty when I see you grimacing in pain. But I can't possibly not continue." Gelak Dimas's.

Akira hit Dimas' chest covered in hospital clothes. He could still feel the warmth of Dimas' body.

"Oh, Akira." Dimas. "We're a very wonderful couple."

Akira moved his head beside Dimas's head. Dimas kissed her cheek quickly.

"You're an amazing guy when it comes to making love to Dimas. You can be like that again. Give yourself a chance to heal. Optimize."

Akira then wakes up taking a deep breath, sits down and starts kissing Dimas. As the two share a kiss, Akira realizes that he has been wanting this for three years.

Akira dissolves in the cradle of romance, he enjoys the kiss he does with his husband, or rather his ex-husband.

"Oh my God, Akira," said Dimas. "I want you."

The atmosphere made Akira go wild.

'I want to be your Kira again Dimas. I want you.' he said in his heart.

As Akira tried to do further, he realized that the man in front of him was now a man who had never appreciated him as a wife. Akira doesn't want to get hurt anymore. Akira doesn't want to go back to Dimas anymore.

"No." snapped Akira while getting out of bed.

Dimas looked at Akira with a gaze that somehow.

"Oh my God Dimas!" Akira doesn't know what to say. "I'm..."

"Fear of making love to a paralyzed man?"

Akira did not want to make Dimas' heart hurt, he tried to find the right word.

"I know you're going through a tough time Dim. I think I understand why you brought up our old memories, why you wanted to make love to me. You just want to know if you really have impotence or not. And honestly, I still want you. But I can't."

Akira understood Dimas was furious just from the look on his face. Akira tried to make him understand.

"Love with you always makes me happy Dim."

Tears fell on Akira's cheeks, and Akira quickly wiped them.

"I can't live with you. So let's just be friends."

"Friends? Damn, we're married. The one who gets married should...."

"But we have never lived a true married life. We're both in love, but it's only in conjugal relations, Dim, that's all. We share only our bodies, not our thoughts, our hopes or our dreams. We live under one roof. We both only care about each other in bed. It's not love, it's lust." Akira said at length.

Tears rolled back over Akira's cheeks.

"This time we'll just be friends. Just friends."

Seriate....