Loving Paralyzed Men
Uneg

Akira shifted the chair beside the bed and sat down near Dimas. Dimas was very happy, when Akira clasped his hand.

"Don't let this disease make you weak Dim. If you're not frustrated because of your condition, then you're going crazy. But you promised Rama and me, too." Akira said as he stroked the back of Dimas' hand.

Dimas was calm as Akira stroked his hand, but then he regained his senses when he felt that Akira's hand was no longer as smooth and soft as it used to be.

"What have you done to your hand?" Ask Dimas.

Akira raised his hand and then it was clear that there were scratches, small wounds and bruises on Akira's hand.

'Why did you hurt yourself?' ask Dimas in the heart.

Home renovation, hard work. Especially when nailing and installing small printouts." Reply Akira.

"Why don't you wear gloves?"

"Ah, gloves will only make me not free in work." Reply Akira.

"But you hurt yourself."

"I like to feel the sensation when my hands directly touch the wall, holding the brush while painting and the others. I feel satisfied and happy working with my own hands." Akira said steadily.

"Is there no other way to make you feel satisfied renovating your home without hurting yourself?"

"Relax Dim, later also the scar will be destroyed if you use cream or medicine plaster." Answer Akira relax.

Dimas feels unfamiliar with Akira now - this woman is so independent, she finds pleasure and pride in working when others feel mediocre, not even caring about their work. A woman who is able to stand alone, a woman who is able to survive without herself or any man in her life.

"I hope you rebuild this house the same way you built your life, Ra."

Akira smiled at Dimas.

Dimas tried to pull Akira's hand to kiss the back of the hand. Dimas is happy when Akira himself leads his hand to kiss Dimas.

Dimas took a deep breath. There was something he wanted to say, something he wanted to say three years ago.

"I guess, I'm sorry, I made you so unhappy when we were married - um when we were together. I never meant to hurt you. I never knew, until you told me that night in the hospital."

"I never thought that you would hurt me. But the truth is so."

Akira's eyes were silent for a moment, making Dimas think that Akira was remembering how hurt he was then, and if he was still injured at this time.

"But it's over now." Akira said as he stroked Dimas' face and pulled his hand.

Dimas wants to ask Akira to be around him, to touch him, but he can't. Dimas had already agreed to just be friends, and he had to keep that promise.

Dimas wanted to say something about their past relationship failure.

"What's my fault?" Ask Dimas.

Akira took a long breath.

"You never valued me as myself. You treat me like an ornament, something that can only be under your armpits. I just need you when you need to be your bedmate. I have to look beautiful, dress well, be friendly to every guest and acquaintance of yours, and have to keep all my opinions and concerns to myself."

Dimas sees Akira's eyes watering, but his innocence again makes him feel like he has to take out his uneg-uneg as well.

Akira's face began to blush. Dimas actually did not want to hurt Akira. But he must continue his explanation.

"I want you to understand why I have to come home late at night or busy myself with studying. I'm in the process of growing my company. I took a big risk when I first added three new distribution centers."

And by the time Akira left first, Dimas was getting busy with working harder, instead of stopping because by working to make him forget about Akira.

Akira stared fixedly at Dimas, "Yes you're right, I never saw a mistake in myself. I'm so easy to blame you."

"I want you to be happy as my wife. I don't understand why everything I've given you isn't enough. You're having a hard time getting involved with some charity events. That activity takes up a lot of time, and I hope you can be satisfied."

"I did it all because you wanted me to do it. Because that is what is expected to be a Lady Dimas Abraham. Because your mother is one of the most famous socialites in your town. Everyone expects me to be like her and Sofia. You live in a world like that and you have a hard time getting used to, but it's all new, and it's very foreign to me. People who are your friends, I try to blend in with them. But I never felt comfortable."

"I think you're happy to work for a charity event. You're very gentle and fit in that, you know."

"I'm not criticizing your mother or Sofia's charity work. But I prefer to help people directly with my own hands. One reason why I struggled so hard in producing clothes was, so that I could give them decent clothes, to the less fortunate. I've donated the clothes I make to people affected by misfortune and deprivation."

"I don't think you're too old to start a business."

"You think I'm going to mature and accept any way you want me to, how am I supposed to live my life?"

"It's been good for Sofia and my mom....... Oh my God Akira! I'm just trying to make you a wife who looks like my mother."

"Your mother!" Akira.

"She's a gentle woman, a very considerate woman compared to Sofia. She loves charity events, hanging out with her friends, shopping for clothes and being a very nice wife to dad."

In silence, the two stared at each other. Dimas tries to make Akira a wife who is exactly like her mother, whose life is dedicated to serving her husband, who has no desire for herself.

'Why do I think that's a good idea? Makes Akira similar to my mother.' thought Dimas.

Akira tries to imitate Sofia's face, "But my dear Dimas, your wish doesn't go as smoothly as it does now, dear?"

Dimas laughed, making the atmosphere become liquid again.

"We should talk about a lot of things before marriage, such as lifestyle, or even our individual desires."

"When we talk about career and commitment, you should give me flowers and perfume." Akira.

"You're right, but unfortunately I never had time for that. We met at the wedding for the first time. Then meet almost every day, we are both drunk with romance until every time we meet we will always kiss. Then we got engaged, less than a month we got married. There really is no time to talk about anything else."

"I've heard a sentence: 'we grow up fast and too long to be smart.' We've been smart too long, haven't we?" Ask Akira.

Dimas' heart is racing. He didn't know what to say, all he needed now was rest.

"I'm tired, Akira. I want to sleep."

"Alright, rest Dim. If you need anything, I'm upstairs." Akira replies while walking away from Dimas who looks busy with his own thoughts.

'I was too late to be smart. It was too late to realize that she was unhappy when she was with me. Now what can I do? Do I have to fight to get her heart back? He looks happy living alone. Freest. Free from me.'

Seriate....