Loving Paralyzed Men
Useless

"Dam... Damnit... Shit...." Bumpat Dimas while escorting back his wheelchair to his bed after doing therapy with Rama in the living room.

"Consolately Dimas." Rama. "As I have said before, the healing of GBS is not like running a marathon or running an estate. You gotta stay excited, bro. That's all."

Exasperated, Dimas no longer wanted to be given empty hope.

"Three weeks without change! How can I hope to recover if I can't make any progress."

"I work for that." Reply Rama.

"You're right. You've been working like crazy for a month. That's why I gave you a leave of absence. Think of it as a long weekend. And you want to be free of me, don't you?" Dimas asked as he leaned his head against the wheelchair.

"Even the women of your admirers want to be free from you, if your mood is like this." Answer Rama.

'If Rama were stuck in this wheelchair, he wouldn't be kidding.' Dimas thought.

"Then get out of here. We both need some time off." Jerky Dimas.

"See you two days ahead of Dimas." Rama's voice sounded soft. "You're going to make progress in the next few months."

Dimas snorted with a mocking smile.

"If you can't change your behavior, I'll take you to the therapy center and show you patients who can make you look like a coward, people who fight harder than you do to recover from this disease." Rama said frankly. "Pity yourself if you will, but I won't let you take too long to feel sorry for yourself."

Rama slammed the door hard as he left.

Dimas cursed himself. Ever since he and Akira made love on the eve of their wedding anniversary, Dimas has become quite obsessed with his recovery.

That night, Dimas learned that he did not have impotence. He can make good love with Akira. But Dimas wants more, he wants to make love in good shape like he first did with Akira. Dimas wanted to pamper Akira with his caress, until the two of them could reach the peak of both pleasures and finally lay together on the bed.

However, since that night Akira no longer wanted to do it. Akira keeps his distance from Dimas. Akira reasoned making love with Dimas would be risky for him. Aside from Akira feeling that it was wrong, he also told Dimas that making love with Dimas was meaningless.

'It means nothing because he doesn't love me anymore?'

'That's nothing because I'm not the man she expected?'

'Is there really no more love for me.'

Dimas looked frustrated with his circumstances. He called the nurse to help him get into bed. After that the nurse left, because she was no longer needed at night.

Akira often works overtime, while ART is taking a vacation break to visit his family. At that moment, Dimas realized that for the first time he was home alone.

At nightfall, Dimas turned on the television with the remote he was pressing. He switched from channel one to channel another. Starting from tv shows that feature soap operas, news, to comedy shows none of which interest Dimas. Then he turned off the television.

Dimas looked at the book on the table, then picked it up very slowly. He could open the book, but to turn to the next page, Dimas had a hard time.

'Damn, ' Dimas wrote in his heart.

Dimas stared at the ceiling of the house, then slowly he tried to close his eyes in the silence of the night that accompanied him.

Suddenly, Dimas heard the sound of a bell ringing, but he could not see anyone from his bed. The door was locked, and no one could open it. Dimas undoes his intention to call people outside, because there are footsteps coming down the stairs and away.

However, shortly afterwards Dimas heard the kitchen door being forcefully opened.

But the sound of footsteps sounded more rice, louder and slower than Akira. Dimas' heart is racing. Someone broke into the house. And Dimas is helpless. He can't protect himself.

If Dimas shouted, he would be a target. But if he just lay still and let someone rob at Akira's house, Dimas would curse himself for being a coward.

'Ah, fuck.'

Cold sweat poured down his forehead. Dimas is looking for a weapon, something he can use to protect himself. But there's no. In the position of his bed so he could sit, he took a deep breath and shouted, "Who is there?"

The intruder was heard walking closer. Dimas prepared himself to fight the thief, praying that the man would not carry a sharp weapon.

As the horden opened, Dimas blinked his eyes. He thought he would see a cruel robber, but he saw a thin, short young man who also looked surprised to see Dimas.

"Eh.... Mr Dimas? Sorry to bother you. I'm Riko, your ART niece."

Dimas felt very relieved, with cold sweat still soaking his forehead, he was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief.

"What are you doing here?" Tanya Dimas growled.

"My aunt forgot some of her stuff here, so she told me to pick it up. My aunt told me not to be too noisy, because you were probably sleeping. I rang the bell because the key my aunt gave me didn't work on the front door. So is the kitchen door."

"Then how did you get in here?" Ask Dimas curiously.

"I used this nail clamped knife, sir." Riko said proudly. "It's so easy." Further.

"Nail clamp?" Dimas growling. "You just came in here with a nail clip?"

Riko took a few steps back, afraid to see the angry eajah Dimas.

"I-iya Sir. I'm sorry." Reply Riko with a frightened face.

Realizing that he had frightened Riko, Dimas sighed calmly.

"It's okay Riko." Said Dimas calmly. "Take what you need and lock the door back when you're gone."

"Thank you, sir."

Riko walked out of Dimas' room and closed the horden.

'I think it's very stupid! Staying here without any security can make robbers, stalkers, even murderers enter. Someone could have come in here to bother him, hurt him, or kill him. She took the risk to live here without anyone protecting her at least husband.'

"Home!" Dimas Seru.

"What kind of husband am I. I love her, and I want to protect her, but I can't." Said Dimas frustrated.

For the first time, Dimas felt himself to be useless and shameful.

"I'm weak, useless. And neither serves as her husband, nor her love."

Seriate.....