Deja Vu [ Lilian Ashley ]
17. A paradox (?)

I really couldn't focus all the time on campus, so I went without thinking about the second schedule of college hours.

Care deeply about the alva, I better calm my mind than my brain gets heated up every second. But now was not the time to work, so I decided to go to the park where I had been with Kai.

I knew the places around me wouldn't change like the people around me. I quickly walked towards the park and when I arrived, I immediately sat on the park bench while sighing in relief. I'mtired.

TLING'S!

Inbox || Kurt: Where are you?

There's no stopping this flat-faced cuckoo guy sent me text messages from yesterday. I'd rather meet him than he's constantly typing a very disturbing message.

Sent: In the park near the campus, can you come here?

I had to adjust my speaking style to each person to look familiar. But, what would happen if I tried to admit this amnesia to people and refused hospital treatment? Maybe I should give it a try, there's no harm in taking a risk. Instead of getting a reply to a message, Kurt immediately came to me with his flat face facing me. It felt like a father was satirizing his daughter who had just left the house.

"Remain here?" kurt asked with both eyebrows raised. "It's not usually like this."

Kurt was sitting next to me and I felt uncomfortable next to him. So foreign and worse, so foreign. I remember the first time I stepped on the twentyth of July where Kai was my girlfriend and when the time came back, River was the one who replaced Kai. Is this time Kurt my girlfriend?

"I can't read people's minds, I don't know what you want to say when you're quiet, either" Kurt said flatly, which I don't understand at all. "Even if I don't live up to your expectations, I can only try my best and..."

What the hell is he talking about? I can't understand it at all. I don't even know the title of the topic. All that could be heard clearly by my ears was the excited cries of the children around who were playing around us, all around us, at the same time a gentle breeze to produce a melodic sound from the friction between the leaves on the surrounding trees. It was all like a void that filled the emptiness of my mind.

"Do we need to go to caffe as usual?" I started to turn my head and was interested to respond when I heard the word 'caffe' from Kurt's mouth. What does it mean as usual?

"It's time, huh, now to go to caffe?" tanyaku who ensure the departure of working hours. "Isn't this too early?"

"What does it mean to be too early?" timpal Kurt with a look of confusion and his cynical gaze. "Isn't the cafe always open from the morning?"

But my shift is daylight. "Is it okay if we go there now?"

Whether it was me or Kurt speaking in the opposite direction, I think this guy was more confused about this conversation than me.

"Something wrong with it now?" kurt said with a search. "What is forbidden by Vin?"

Is Vin Vincent? But, why do you know he called that guy? What is it between me and Vin that there can be a ban between us to caffe?

"My work hours are noon, if this early morning to there it feels a bit bad and ...,"

"Work?" Kurt frowned which made his face even more sour. Why am I always criticizing Kurt's face? It's not really moral. "You work? Since when?"

Our conversation was just a question answered with a question. So, from this guy's question it means that I don't work there.

"I'm sorry, I think I digress" said I, trying to avoid this ambiguous conversation.

"Why suddenly discuss work? Do you want work? Is my money less?"

Wait, money from him? So, the money to fulfill my daily life in this version is from Kurt. It's really hard to believe.

The various versions of myself in every July 20th start always have a variety of personalities. Whether it's chatty, lazy, diligent, so preparatory or disciplined, bucin and grumpy though. Now I'm this version of myself is a spoiled girl with no job. I'm right, aren't I?

"No, I told you just to digress" I said.

"Yes already, so to the caffe as you asked?" Oh, it turns out I was the one who asked her to meet before.

I nodded in agreement and we went straight to the cafe without speaking. Damn, Kurt's footsteps were so wide that I was left far behind. Even once in a while he asked me why he walked so slowly, did he not realize that his way was not like people in general?

We came to the caffe clair de lune where my place of work was before the shortcut time turned backwards. Instead of going through the back door of a special employee, we enter the front door for the customers. My steps stopped and immediately a sense of surprise enveloped me when I saw a customer-welcoming waiter who stood at the door of the cafe—of course not me—is the pale-skinned guy. He's the one who ever terrorized me. He's the one who showed up when I had an accident in a traffic light. Kulirik nametagnya with the name "Zack" which I immediately remember from now. He used to be a customer, but now I'm taking his position. Then, I who used to be the greeter's servant, now he is the one who replaces.

"Welcome to caffe clair de lune." For a few seconds me and the guy looked up until Kurt asked which bench I wanted to sit on.

I picked the nearest empty bench and Kurt ordered two mochacinos on the waiter. I love the latte coffee. Maybe I like this version of mochacino. It really feels foreign. I'm not used to sitting on a caffe bench as a customer where I was originally just a waiter at this place.

"Is something wrong?" ask Kurt who started the conversation. "I think you've been thinking something."

Yes, I think about all the things about this world. "Nothing is."

Can Kurt help me find the answers to these problems?

"Oh, that's it," Kurt replied briefly as he took a sip of the mochacino Vincent had just brought by playing an eyebrow and glancing at me like giving a code but I couldn't understand.

"I don't know what to talk about. But, there's been some practical work lately on me and some paperwork that I need to finish tomorrow."

"What else? Psychology." Oh, that means Kurt can help me with some of the obscure psychiatric problems that have befallen me. Or maybe not. But people who jutted into the human psychiatric system such as prospective psychiatrists will surely want to listen calmly about the complaints of people to be treated.

"Ah yes, I forgot," my sudden misbehavior lie when my eyes accidentally looked at each other with Zack at a glance.

"Yes, already. Then after this, can you accompany me to my studio, right?"

I don't need to ask that reason so as not to arouse suspicion before I tell you about this matter. "okay."

After Kurt ordered cinnamon roll cake to me and rain choco eclairs for him, we immediately went to Kurt's small studio located in the apartment not far from the cafe. The room which only has two sofas facing each other is limited by a long table. The computer on the table near the window and the shelves are full of books and files.

"Take whatever water you want in the refrigerator on the corner," Kurt said as he sat in front of his computer and I immediately opened the refrigerator.

He said to take whatever water was in the refrigerator. I thought there was a variety of water until allowed to choose. It turned out that there was only bottled mineral water. I took a bottle for me and drank a sip and I put it on the front desk of the sofa.

"Kurt," called me who got a demented response by the guy. "I have a problem, maybe you can give me a solution."

"Why? Your make-up box broke again?" ask Kurt who embarrassed me on the god level.

It's really embarrassing, surely Ashley who is now so spoiled that she often complains of her broken makeup. Or maybe Kurt guessed it because this time I did not wear makeup as usual.

"No," I deny that I'm still shy. "But there's something I'd like to ask you first."

Kurt stopped his fingers in typing and glanced at me with a puzzled look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"We're dating, aren't we?" I noticed a change in expression in Kurt who was suddenly startled and displayed a slight oblique smile.

Maybe I saw it wrong, but I didn't have to think about it until the guy replied, "yes."

"Actually, I'm not the Ashley you know" I said nervously. I could feel Kurt not being surprised in response to my words.

"Then?"

"I first woke up with no memory whatsoever on the twentyth of July" I said, meaning that it was yesterday. "But every time I have an accident that takes my life, I always get up on the same date as before."

Kurt was just silent which signaled he only wanted to listen to my story until it was finished while supporting his face using one hand on the table.

"Lately I've had nightmares, but strangely all those dreams come true" I continued. "It's not a dream, it's a prediction of the future."

I did not continue my sentence either and Kurt immediately threw a question that made me very confused.

"So, who are you?" I think I look a lot blo'on when I look at Kurt.

"I'm Ashley, but not your boyfriend." It's hard to explain. "I feel like this isn't my world."

"Maybe you have a paradox" Kurt said, upholding his way of sitting. "As you said, you originally woke up in a state of memory loss. I can argue that it's not the first time you wake up, then die and bounce back on the same date as before."

"meaning?" ask me who does not understand his words.

"So, for the umpteenth time you've experienced the same thing. Die and rise again and again until there is an accident that makes you lose the memory that you may have memories of the cause of this paradox. As if your head could ever be bumped to memory loss the moment before death comes to you at your umpteenth resurrection."

"Ohh, before I felt it was the first time I got up. Actually it was not the first time, but the umpteenth time," I replied, beginning to understand Kurt's conclusion. "In my previous life I had an accident to amnesia. Then die and rise like the previous state but this time in a state of empty brain with no memory."

"Yes." Yeah."

Haish, it's really complicated and swirling.

"I can trust you." Kurt said with a faint smile. "Your attitude from then on was different as before, so I thought if there was something wrong with my treatment for you."

Kurt looked at the ceiling and continued his sentence. "I guess paradox is just science fiction. It turned out to be a fact before my own eyes."

"Are you sure what I'm talking about is paradox?" To be honest, I still doubt it.

Kurt looked at me fixedly. "I can only conclude that."

I couldn't answer what Kurt said and could only look at his face sadly. "Can you give me a solution to this problem?"

"There's." Spontaneous myself became tense and put my ears as focused as possible in listening to the key to the answer to my problems. "Don't die."

Instantly my face turned pale as if all the blood in my body had been sucked out to the point that it was gone without remaining.

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