Forced to Be an Actor
Not Wanting to Go to the Hospital

I saw Liora frowning as she looked at me then said, “Brother? Who is that why Liora just found out.” I just smiled a little knowing the answer from Liora just now, I can already guess what this smart boy will say.

I was speechless because I didn't want to answer Liora's question because it wasn't my capacity any more I was afraid if I mispronounced. I glanced at Mas Sadam and also Mama Elsa alternately asking for help from the two people to explain to Liora.

I saw Mas Sadam start squatting down in front of Liora aligning their height. “Liora, her name is Star, she is not as lucky as you, She died at birth,” explained Mas Sadam to Liora.

I rolled both balls of my eyes so as not to shed tears. Seeing Mas Sadam's bead eyes start to glaze over it makes me feel sad and my heart feels bitter instantly.

“Name Star, nice name,” says Liora. “Who is the mother of stars?” asked Liora again who was still curious. I know Liora's a smart kid so she won't stop asking questions before knowing everything.

“She's a child, Papa's the same as you.” I heard Mas Sadam's voice start handing over now.

Liora immediately hugged Mas Sadam as she said. “Papa do not be sad, Liora is here, adek Bintang must have been with God now, she will be happy.” I rubbed the clear liquid that escaped from this eye patch without my control.

“Yes, it's now let's look at him,” pinta Mama Elsa.

“Come, Granny nagging Adek, Liora.” I saw Liora smiling sweetly. “Papa, Come,” invite Liora.

“Come, darling.”

***

Now that our car has arrived at the public cemetery, I and others are walking past every tombstone in this cemetery. Mas Sadam walked in front while holding Liora.

Our steps were all stopped when Mas Sadam also stopped his steps in one Headstone that read the name of the Star. I saw the paint that was freshly attached to the gravestone. Oh my God, did Ms. Tasya not give her own baby a name, why is she so cruel even though this baby is dead but it is her own flesh and blood.

We all sat on the sidelines eating it. I saw Mama Elsa straight through her tears in silence, tears.it dripped out of the sunglasses she was wearing. Mas Sadam rubbed the corner of his eyes that began to water. I saw Papa Damar start rubbing his grandson's tombstone. The sky that was bright now began to be covered by black clouds and it made the brightness dim on earth. The universe seems to be sad with the Erlanga family.

“Star, dear that's the name that Papa gave to you, forgive Papa if since birth Papa never touched you or maybe Papa can't see your beautiful face, but believe me Papa never wanted all that, you are still a beautiful child Papa once,” said Mas Sadam while taking a deep breath. I saw a single tear slip through his cheek.

My lips immediately trembled to see that, the man who had never shed a tear was now crying in the navel of his son. I rubbed slowly on Mas Sadam's back trying to strengthen him and channel the calm for him.

The wind blows slowly carrying flying dust radiant with dry leaves. The towering trees moved about here and there following the breath of the wind carrying it.

“Honey, Grandma also apologizes for not being able to hold or kiss you, we all love you very much and hope you understand all these conditions,” Mama Elsa spoke while shedding tears. And I can only endure this sobbing.

“We all love you very much, Star. If there is life after this we all hope that you will be present in our family.” I saw Papa Damar start sprinkling flowers on this mound of the tomb.

“Adek, Star. Mbak Liora is very affectionate with you.” Liora spoke with her hands and sprinkled roses over the tomb.

I wiped my tears with a tissue. I don't know why I started feeling like my stomach was being stirred up I started to feel if my bile went up to my throat and his tongue tasted bitter when this morning I had eaten. I who was originally standing directly crouched while holding my head that felt dizzy.

“Mas, why so dizzy, I feel uncomfortable,” I said while holding his hand.

Mama Elsa and the others panicked to see my pale face. And they decided to take me home immediately. In the car, I leaned my head against my husband's chest, for some reason I liked the smell of masculine perfume that burst into my sense of smell.

“We go to the hospital only now.” I listened to Papa Damar's voice speak. Now Papa Damar alternated driving a car.

“No, Pa. I must have just caught a cold or maybe my stomach acid rose and it made my head dizzy,” I told him.

“Sifana, we need to stay in the hospital now. Mama doesn't want to see you sick,” insists Mama Elsa.

“Ma, if until tomorrow Sifa is still sick then tomorrow Sifa herself who will take Mama to the hospital,” my whine to her. I feel no pain even the smell of Mas Sadam alone can make me comfortable.

“Alright then.” Sadam was following our conversation.

“Mama, now spoiled at all Papa.” I turned to Liora who was looking at me with an angry face.

“Liora, Mama sifa is sick so can't talk like that,” said Anggun from behind us.

“Mbak Graceful, look at that. Papa hugged Mama Sifa instead of Liora,” complained the little girl and we all chuckled after finding out the reason she was angry with me.

Yes, it's true that Liora is feeling jealous because lately Mas Sadam has always been nice to me even the man always feeds me when eating. I'm not angry and even anxious to see the behavior of little Liora.

“Later after reaching home, Papa will ride Liora so that you do not get angry again at Mama Sifana.” I glanced at Liora who immediately smiled sweetly. He was funny once his face immediately turned into a sumringah when he found out if Mas Sama would carry him.

“Awas only if until Papa lies.” Threaten Liora with her face made fierce.

“Indeed if Papa lied, Liora would do what?” ask Mas Sadam.

“Liora will not want to be close again, Papa and Liora will not want to be kissed by Papa.” The threat made Mas Sadam bite his lower lip. Who would not be anxious to listen to that innocent threat.

“Papa must lose, because Papa will not be able to get far from Liora.” Mas Sadam directly rubbed Liora's head.

“Ma, do you still feel dizzy?” ask Liora to me. She felt jealous of me and now, Liora started to worry about me.

“No, Mama has improved,” I told her.

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