The Tarnished Holy
With mami

I don't know in the slightest how the girl is doing and I never fully expect to be up to date with her . Dark ...Even the news of the kyai Hashim, The word of Breath in the slightest never reached my hearing. Like there is no answer to this problem even though the same mom often visited Nafisah to his residence, in Bogor .

I sighed, exorcising the tightness after trying to guess Kyai Hasyim's answer .Between marrying us or choosing to forget everything that has happened.To be honest, I hope full of news of pregnancy Nafisah will be a common thread that connects between the two of us. But forget, Don't expect this to happen because everyone knows for sure that I'm not the man to be with him.

Again a sigh came out of my mouth.For whatever reason I was not so strong to withstand the painful torment that is currently messing with my heart .If I could, I would like to make Nafisah a wife, then make her fall in love half dead, but again I realize the fact that I have no power over all this.

Then , in the end I chose to rise as soon as I looked at the ceiling of the room to solve this problem since it failed .my head looked up , found the clock was already showing at one night .It's night, isn't it ?

But I have been used to staying up at Aryo's club or cafe, only lately my body feels weak .Maybe also the cause is because my appetite plunged to zero, especially this one month I also missed visiting the gym ,everyone also knew that the girl had taken part of my life and then destroyed my sanity like this..

Lately I do like not to be so aware of what I have done . Like this time, ever since when I was at the end of the stairs that blend with the family room, I found a room that was pitch black.

I stared for a moment , watching the mother who had been sitting there at the end of the long sofa, in the darkness . My heart grimaced when this ear several times heard her stuffing being held .She cried, of course because the child she cared for wholeheartedly had let her down, killing all her hopes that had depended on me . I was about to repeat , but already ...Nothing can be corrected for past mistakes.

I sat down, taking a distance of about a meter with him. Mami was only surprised while trying to wipe both of her cheeks .He rose up, to leave me alone.I know, he is still not strong enough to deal with this son.

"Mommy,plis..!" I held her hand ', begging her expectantly to return to her original seat . And for a while we were silent in the silence of the night, before at last he chose to sit back and take the pillow he had placed on his lap.

"Thank you .. !" I said while breathing a sigh of relief.

Straight mami's view, flat impression.The expression is completely illegible .I know , he still put a huge disappointment , very big considering he no longer wants to look at my face because maybe only the pain that he will find in a pair of neutrals.

"Mam, how's the situation ?" I lay myself in the lap of my mother, trying to dare to ask about the girl.For whatever reason my heart urges and demands freedom .And knowing the good news of that girl will set her free.

Hygiene ... For a while, I stared at the shiny floor in the darkness, feeling so long waiting for an answer . I know ,mami with all her might held back her crying .And I fully hope that no bad news will enter my hearing later .

"Yesterday there were flecks, almost miscarried! mami does not know the fetus in the womb can last long or not !" I was stunned , felt something suddenly take forcibly there ,look at me.My heart was so painful to hear this reality. My eyes are wet, the child is the only hope for me to be able to live with Nafisah, but that hope must I be dashed if Nafisah really has a miscarriage.

"Since when ? why ?" I asked amid the silence that had been created , Water is allowed to touch the corner of this eye .I'm a man, crying .Let it go !

A sigh rang out from the mouth of the woman I loved.He raised his hand and stroked my head slowly. Channeling a force but simultaneously destroying all sides of the defense .I sobbed, when I found that feeling collapsed. I don't know when I've been this weak.

"Three days ago according to his Umi Nafisah .Depression, that's the main trigger !" It was like a big rock .I held my breath that felt suffocating and demanded freedom .

"What Fikhar should have done mam, Fikhar did not want to be like this .It's so torturous !" My moans are slow . I do not care about his assumption about this, because from a long time ago Fikhar was still the child mami .

"That ... But mommy is disappointed with you Fikhar .Why do you have the heart to hurt a woman , let alone that you are damaged is an ustadzah "Finally the disappointment came out, along with tears of self-suffering with a cry that was held back. Her hands stopped rubbing my head and switched to rubbing her wet cheeks .

I fell silent, for there was nothing I could say as a defense.I was fully aware that my mistake was so Fatal.

"Fikhar regrets mam !"

"Did your regrets help? from childhood mom always advises you .Think of the consequences before doing anything Fikhar !"

The Sarkas .

"Fikhar hilap ..."

"Mommy doesn't need any excuses !"Sela mami, in the middle of my defense. "Mommy is sad that she failed to educate you ! Ma'am is right, that mami is too busy with mami affairs so forget the supervision of you, sorry mami Fikhar !" Her speech along with tears that hastily removed her .

Like there's a dagger piercing this heart .I've been tortured with such guilt, then now my mother speaks and adds to the wound.How can my mother apologize for the mistake I made?

"It's not my fault mami, Forgive Fikhar mami.Fikhar promise, Fikhar will not come back to make mami cry and disappointed like this again !" I got up then grabbed both of my mom's hands to hold her .I fixedly stared at a pair of mami's netra in the dark, hoping that he would accept my apology.

"Forget Fikhar ...!" Mom doesn't want to listen .He pulled into his two hands in my grasp and then rubbed his cheek again to remove the scars there.

"Kyai Hashim asked you to come to his routine recitation Thursday 'ba'da Maghrib !" Close the mami as she moved, then left a million questions in my mind

"Kyai Hasyim invited me to judge? or "Millions of questions I can't reveal hunting go into the head ."In prison ... In the stoning ? ..Oh God!" I think I'm so agitated.

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