The Tarnished Holy
The first night as death

The world feels stopped, I feel like this soul is no longer in its place .I was crushed, ' my horse was rendered helpless by something so painful.

I was silent in his sling, in the sling of the man who had explored every inch of the body and left such a great scar, containing a great trauma and making my mind fall apart, to be exact . Lord, where are you now ? why did you let him touch me again ?

I looked at him in panic. Her hand touched my leg and tried to see the wound down there .No, it doesn't hurt but that burly hand hurts my eyes and heart more .No, this can't .I beg you for whatever reason to put your hand on my foot. I can't help it, 'cause all this is just gonna remind me of that night.

I still remained silent unmoved, watching his hand that rubbed the tip of his eye several times .Why ? Doesn't he want me like this ? Wanted my life to fall apart, just like that time ? why cry, doesn't he like to see me hurt, like this ?

"Why did you hurt yourself, huh ? Please promise not to do this again ?"He said he almost yelled at me with a frustrated face .

I'm still silent, locking up a pair of his scarred neutrals . Is this not what you want ?

He just hugged my knee down there .Her cries sounded heartbreaking "Don't hurt yourself again ! You can hate me, you can punish me whatever, whatever it is ...But please, don't hurt yourself anymore 'cause I won't be able to see this !"He said in a voice .She was snuggled in her arms on my knee .

I looked down, saw his black hair on my thighs .My tears slowly trickled down, realizing he was my husband, a husband who a few hours ago had cheated and pledged himself before God with Abah ,fight the pain that shakes the soul .Supposedly, at this time I brought water to wash to his two feet.

He looked up, and I stopped rubbing his head. A pair of neutrals locked me in with a gaze I could not understand, but the memory of those eyes that had looked at me with an harassing gaze came rushing over, making my heart back in pain .I gave up and I cried again .

Her hands stretched out, erasing the tears on my cheeks "I beg you, don't cry anymore !"Please look within .Not her stop, my crying is getting more and more .I don't know what to do, being devoted to someone I hate turns out to be so painful.

"m-gold... !"I ventured to call her as the wife calls her husband .He looked at me with a look of hope, not knowing that I was struggling, I said, that this is very heavy .It's so hard to death I think, it feels better than this.

"I am wounded, my heart is wounded !" I said with a blank look.

He nodded several times, I think trying to drive away his tears demanding to be present. "mas understand, sorry mas!" We wept together .in silence, in bated sobs .We cry for what reason ?

Either because of being trapped in a marriage, or because of hatred, 'c ..I don't know .But it feels like I am standing in ruin .And the destruction was slow, like strangling and secretly going to make me die.

"Shut up, gold will heal your wounds !"

He's gone, and I don't know what to do .I was silent as he asked .I hope, this also includes as my servant to him until he returns carrying tools that I do not know where he can get.

My gaze was still empty, watching him who was busy washing my wounds with warm water .All of her bland, painless touch was more painful than just this.

"Alhamdulillah, we have good neighbors ! I got all this from our neighbor, if you want something you can ask him for help !" The story while dripping Betadine and applying ointment on the soles of my feet and wrapping it with gauze .Meanwhile, I found her face calmer.

"You're hungry, buy you a Madurese duck .I just found out it feels so good .Have you tried it before ?" He asked at his place, at the dining table was opening something .I'm sure it's Madura's duck she told me about .

"Eat ya, mas bribe want ?" He still insisted on speaking, even though I did not respond to him .

Everything feels so hard to understand . It's all wrong, and everything in here feels really painful. I opened my mouth, as soon as he made several mouthfuls toward my mouth . And my tears fell again, and once a mouthful of rice in her hand made it into my mouth .

She smiled with a perfectly fluffy smile, as this continued until she stopped doing it, as soon as I shook my head, I kept my mouth away from the rice in her hand.

Now, one bottle of drinking water he also thrust to me complete with his straws.

"Wait a minute, I'll clean up our room first !" He left, before kissing my forehead.

I don't know how long I've been waiting, it feels like it's just and she's, the man I hate and the husband's status is back, with a glass of milk in his hand . Can't stop 'em, let alone this ?

"Before stopping by the super market, and mas buy you milk pregnancy.Drink ya ,mas want our baby healthy !"

Baby ? The fucking baby you forcibly planted . I was nauseous, feeling like vomiting when her burly hands touched my stomach affectionately.

But no doubt this hand receives and drinks as it pleases .Look, I'm strong . In this way, I've been filial, haven't I ?

"You want to sleep, now? Your clothes must be sultry, quickly change clothes first !" He said, and I still remained silent as soon as he carried me back to the room . I'm on a stand there, on the edge of the bed facing a large mirror .

"You want to change your own clothes ? " He's like confused, with the hand that's currently squeezing my beloved negligee dress .Out of nowhere, she gets and knows what I like to wear at bedtime .

"So this will feel comfortable in your sleep !" Remarks .

I didn't respond ', I felt like this was dead .

Meanwhile, he left and I found a container of water in his hand.

My tears were dripping along with as she opened my hijab and my gown slowly .

He rubbed the washcloth on my face, and I found a fresh taste of greeting .I woke up, looking at his pair of neutrals that were emitting so many wounds.

he should have pushed and kissed me, right ? He should have crushed and restrained me like at that time.

But , he just smiled as soon as our pair of neutrals accidentally met . "You are so beautiful ! I just saw an angel on earth as beautiful as you !" Praise him while looking me in the eye . I don't know since when 'daster clothes with black patterned blue flowers have been attached to my body.

He took off my hair tie, then gently combed it . "Let it be like this, your hair looks beautiful in a store like this !" I stared at our reflection in the mirror .

I'm a mess, my eyes are swollen and I know I lied by saying I'm beautiful.

"Let's go to sleep !" he said then, carried me back and laid myself on the bed . I was silent, staring at the ceiling of the room .He rubbed my hair then kissed my head, rubbed my stomach and then kissed her. " Okay, father's son !" I found these tears dripping again when I heard such a painful thing.

He turned off the lights, then grabbed my body in his arms . Aroma oud yells, pierced into my sense of smell .I sobbed, and she just rubbed my back while kissing my forehead .

It must be beautiful.... But why ?

It all felt like a real death !

****

Salma deliberately in manyin up to be satisfied. happy reading and do not forget , like, rate and vote principal ..

ok .. let the spirit wkwkwkwk.