The Tarnished Holy
Standing in pain

Everyone is not wrong with saying I'm the luckiest man on earth .Lucky , even very lucky, so that luck without them knowing has destroyed their idol. My eyes warmed when I remembered last night, watching the woman who had been my legal wife was so devastated .

I know, he has stood up in his pain and refrained from running over his hatred towards me . Pain, of course.But I was grateful when he silently received all my treatment .Like carrying, treating wounds and resigned to sleep in my arms, though her cries are often heart-wrenching ,but I say that I am thankful that he did not burden me for the mistakes I made.

I knew the trauma was deep, remembering I often found her teeth and lips trembling, her little clenched hands, her ,I knew it was simply her doing between enduring the pain and appreciating me as the man who had become her husband .

This morning, my heart was pounding, and I enjoyed it so much . In room , there was an angel who had chanted the Holy Quran very melodious .I envy, I want to join myself but I don't want to make it uncomfortable. Moreover, at the time I made a mistake that I did not really know except when I was preparing his peace and his face and I was misguided, his shame , But ...How else do you want ? I am like this .

I was out to buy breakfast riding my new bike, some neighbors say hello and they might remember they knew without us getting acquainted first .

"Have you finished ?" I smiled as soon as I found the woman I loved standing in the doorway .Wearing a black oversized dress is also a hijab that she twitches in her head .There was something I just met on her lips, a red brick lipstick applied there and she looked even more beautiful. My heart soars high, full of hope that she tries to be beautiful to pamper my eyes .Foolish, for what I think so too, that soon I rectified my expectations earlier.

He glanced at me at a glance then limped over his injured leg about to head towards the living room .He was like that, not answering if I was talking to him . Ah forget it, shouldn't this be in trouble because I know my error rate can't be forgiven by a dime question like that .

I then approached her and held her in the dining chair . "We have breakfast !"I said, pulling up a chair and sitting right next to her.I stared at her for a while "You're so pretty!" My compliments then kissed her forehead at a glance.

As I expected he would just shut up .It's okay, from night as well we are like this . I should have known myself enough, and with her opening her mouth alone I should have been grateful .

I was just about to put one mouthful of porridge I bought towards him, but in the next second he tried to escape .

She was nauseous then spewed her guts dirtying my pants and shirt . For a moment I was silent, then I hurriedly got her some water .Thank her warm water earlier I had prepared, so her throat can smoothly drink it .After I read the article about pregnancy, it turns out this is common in pregnant women.

"What do you want to buy ?"Ask me while looking at her begging for an answer .For this one, this one alone I hope he answers my question because this is for his own good as well. He was silent, stared at the vomit on my shirt then looked me in the eyes with a hard look to explain .

Her eyes glazed over "I'm not good at being a wife, am I ?" He said with trembling lips. I took a breath then wiped away the tears that had just dripped down her cheek .

"Please promise not to say that again .With you next to the mas in good health, I'm grateful !"I said while looking into his eyes deeply. She threw away her face, avoiding my gaze just now .I know he's holding pain in his wound .

"I don't want to eat !"He said flat, and I could only sigh resignedly ."Then drink milk and eat this bread !" I grabbed a glass of milk and put it in her hand. He received with trembling hands, and then drank it up to the toilet.

I helped her after that cradling her and sitting her in the guest seat . There are many books scattered there, my leptop is still in a state of light, because at night , when I asked Mr. Surya to deliver a motorbike and all my work that was delayed yesterday. Although I was given a month's leave, but I want to keep working on it to divert my thoughts that sometimes feel chaotic.

I went to the bathroom to clean myself then came back after changing clothes. There, I still found him hugging his knees and staring out the window with a flat look . I took a deep breath before I finally crouched down and grabbed her leg to put it down .I was about to return to give the medicine and wrap it up to fall asleep from the dust.

He looked at me, then stroked my head again like he did last night .And it was the thing that made me the most happy, my chest was pounding even because of her .I want to be like this first, just a moment ..I wanted to feel how she thought of me as her husband and I intentionally lingered over the wounds on her legs.

"It's done !" I said while looking up and looking into his eyes . Before her I wished those eyes were looking at me with a full of desire, but that's not what I later found there. She still remains the same, with her radiance of wounds.

"This ..!" She threw away her face, while giving me a sheet in her hand .The blank paper that belongs to me now imprints a beautiful carving that comes from his hands .I received then stared at the arabic inscribed sheet with a sad look .

"Mas does not understand .Forgive me, because I have forgotten this !" Said me while staring at her with teary eyes.Truly, for whatever reason I regret this why left so far.

He just took a slow breath .

"I wrote the ordinance of ablution, from the beginning of pardu and its circumcision, the lawful terms and its annulment .Mas was touching me when I had just finished the ablution and according to the Shafi'i imam madzhab the law is absolutely void .I didn't mean to offend you, but I think you need all of this !" He said, and he seemed to have had enough breaths to say this all without pause.

"Imsimply, but I don't understand what you're writing !"Answer me sad

"It's okay, I'll rearrange it in regular writing !" He said flat, after which he grabbed a balpoin and paper and then wrote something there . As for removing the awkwardness, I tried to grab my leptop even though everyone knew the answer .I'm not going to focus!

Whatever his intentions were, obviously I was so grateful that he finally wanted to talk a lot with me .

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