The Tarnished Holy
For husband.

Should .. This didn't happen, did it? Should've. I shouldn't have to endure the pain of a punishment that I never did at all ,at this time I am still in Jombang studying religion or filling out lecture calls to practice the knowledge that I have obtained. It should be so .

But I realized the truth ,The fact of life that seems to have become destiny.I want to protest how I can sit here as the bride of the man I hate so much in this world.The man who has destroyed fate also destroyed the plan the future I made, how destiny is so hard, forced me to keep accepting this marriage .

I'm amazed, here, a self, content to shout After before her I hold this all remember yesterday-yesterday I appreciate the feelings of umi and Abah. I cried, slammed and pulled everything in this fucking room .

All of his messed up, all of it messy, ruined as his mana shattered my feelings from last month to the present.

I looked up, I felt my brain so dizzy thinking about all this. I don't know, how can I deal later with a person whose status is to be my husband, with the existence of me like this, how can I reach my paradise ?

God ...

How can I match up with him, Phikhar Romanika, the evil devil I want to kill if killing is allowed .

Fikhar, the name of the man I really wanted to erase in my memory list all this time but failed, because in reality my mind these two months was seized by his shadows. I hate it, but I fail to realize that hating someone must keep thinking about it.

My suffering was not enough until that night ,so the person I love very much in this life also took a wound.How could he take the decision to leave his daughter to the person who has destroyed her .By reason for my own good, for whatever reason my brain can never accept his reason .

Didn't he know I was far from being okay at the moment .It's okay if I'm stamped as a depraved Ustdzah, it's okay if I'm stamped as a hypocritical Ustdzah, just don't marry a man who has desecrated me.

"You want the best for your life !"

What's the best ? Best of all, when in her there is someone who is zoning himself, hating someone who should be his paradise,is that not the same as someone who deliberately offers to become firewood hell ?

Abba...Why are you doing this ?

How can your daughter worship with all her heart ?

"Now , you may not have accepted it .But.. Wait, one day you will understand Abah's current decision !"

As a role model in my village, as a role model who has been trusted by others to educate their sons and daughters, how so hard, how so hard,decided something so heavy received by his daughter, by umi also all the women who fared the same as me ?

Didn't you realize that Abah always reminded us, her daughters to choose a man who is high in his faith ?

Then ...now ?

I fell on the bed, crying because thinking about this all felt so painful..

My eyes closed for a moment, realizing I had fallen too far in the lamentation of fate .I know it's not good, but how my heart hurts so much.

No. No, it's not like this that I planned for my bridal night . Not like this .Yes, I will take a bath, prepare to welcome him home from the mosque and we will perform circumcision prayer together .Yes, like that . Like that !

I said many times to strengthen this heart.

I was in a daze, probably because there were too many things I had thought of in my brain. I got up, then walked slowly with a flat look.My feet hurt, but I no longer felt pain .I just want to get to the big mirror and improve my appearance ...I need to be beautiful in front of my husband .But , I only found puffy eyes as well as a flushed nose . God ...? How can I deal with my husband in such circumstances .

My tears were dripping again, when something gripped my heart . Listen ...I'm trying to set my heart and be a dutiful wife .But , how ?

Listen Nafis.. This is not how you greet your husband .You gotta..Must....

Arghhhc ...

I came back frustrated, feeling like my thoughts were not in line with what I wanted .I tried everything I could, I tried

As hard as I can, I tried to forget all of this.

But in fact, as for what I did to try to accept my husband's coming later, nothing increased except the fact that even that much hatred remained silent.

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A little first yes akak , do not forget love like , same comments vote . Rate can also..