The Tarnished Holy
Ustdzah will not regret

I sat on the lip of the bed, watching the dark behind the window of my room with a flat gaze .

"Here is Nafis, do not weep over that perverted bit*at !.Let's get out of here 'cause that useless old man is there too . Zehra had already chatted with Zehra's friends and she wanted to bear her brother there .We go, we live independently !" Zehra persuaded me to leave. All his belongings he's been packing, pacing from there to here thinking of a way for us to escape .

"Go Zehra, you don't understand what you're feeling . We have Abah, we have Umi .Think about it if we get out of here ?"I said, with a stifled cry. I have broken their hearts and there is no way I will ever come back to disappoint them.

"At the same time my sister is pregnant!" I added in a stammered voice, trying to explain that it's not that easy to think of all this .

"Whoa ... Don't think of that unlucky nephew brother . Zehra's income was more than enough to buy her milk and equipment !"I refute all my words .Reminded of his income, I know he's a hockey online gambler, his beloved cradle at the back often wins games, and he's often proud of all his achievements.

"It's not that easy Zehra, you don't understand what you're thinking !"Press me .trying to explain.

"But you don't keep crying like this if you really want to accept set*and it becomes your husband !"

I was stunned, felt back pain in the heart .

Husband ? Ah , I forgot it was not the prihal to leave this house that we were talking about.Will but , my unlucky fate that was married to the dog*an that was the cause.

I forgot, I forgot that soon I will marry the man I hate the most on this earth.I forgot, that soon I will have the status of his wife ,from the person who has ruined my life exactly .

"Let's go !" I realized, found my tears had fallen .

"go away Zehra, I'm going to be alone !" I looked up, looked into his eyes asking for understanding.

I saw a disappointed breath coming from his mouth. But no doubt, the sixteen-girl knew it was still leaving me here alone .

The sound of Ijab kabul on the loudspeaker, but it felt so suffocating to me, it sounded out loud in speech, breaking down all sides of my defense .I cried out loud , feeling it's not so fair to me . This is not what I want, not this way but again I have the fact that I have no power to reject all this .

I hate him, I hate that even my brain is about to break even just to hear his voice . I don't know how I will serve him because I don't want to even just look at his face. Lord... If my life is like this, how will I go after heaven ?

"Sorry !" That's umi's voice . But I did not budge, not intending to answer because at this time I was still cool looking out the window hoping I found peace there. Error , there is nothing I find other than this chest getting tight and my crying getting bigger .

"mami is the same as Fikhar wants to meet you !"Add her , ever since when the body of Umi was already beside me and touch my shoulder slowly.

"Yes already, prepare soon you will be in between the new house !"Umi's words in the end sounded concerned .I still feel his touch on my shoulder before his whereabouts I no longer find here.

I cried, disappointed in myself. Because the household is not like this that I previously coveted . I have good in-laws as well I would consider her as my own mother, having a sister-in-law who would share gossip with me, but...Error ... For whatever sake is not the way I want to be . Not like this !

I was stunned, I found a wound that felt so very painful . Why, why should this happen to me Lord ...!!

" Ustdzah ...!" I hurriedly wiped away the tears as soon as they came .Brother Jamil and Rukaya, the Roisah who was over me three years old ran then hugged me very tightly .

"Why Ustdzah didn't say you wanted to get married . Even we don't have any preparation to make a surprise!" Rukaya was thieving, and I just smiled blandly. Please, whoever it is I want to be alone first, but I really can't deny their existence here. They don't know anything and I'm afraid they're suspicious and know this marriage was a mistake.

"You know yourself Abah is indeed rich, do not like marriage in the wild for the reason of many side of his harm rather than his blessings !" I said after previously exhaling in order to expel the tightness there..

"But not so soon anyway ,why not say a minimum of three days or a week was ,not ,tau know Abah ngumumin Ustadzah married aja ..!" This time it was Jamil who protested .On the lips of this bed they flank and held my hands one by one .

I understand their frustration, and I hope they don't suspect the absence of this one month .

"Nafis also did not know brother Jamil, Rukaya . The man was indeed Abah who chose and Nafis only according to his wishes !" Answer me still with a bland smile .For whatever sake my heart feels in crumb when explaining this all.

"O yes, my God... Where did Abah find the divine incarnate man . Really ,Ustdzah will never regret the choice Abah .He's handsome ..very handsome and fifteen carats, Oh my God, leave a guy like that for me, just one !" Said brother Jamil enthusiastically while relaxing himself to the floor .I smiled, sincerely wanting to laugh at the joke . Bulls ? kaya ...? what nonsense did brother Jamil say about the perverted set*an . In fact, I don't see the slightest perfection in him.

"I didn't expect the man to marry Ustdzah . I had a chance to see and secretly take a picture of him, my God ..I really just saw a man as handsome as that, and I had thought that what I saw was not real, if it was real maybe the man was from the land of jinn!" Rukaya also responded . I laughed then cried when I heard their story .O Lord, so they admired the demon-cloak man, without them knowing what his true form was .

"Oh not ,ustadzah.. Don't cry !"

Panicked them as soon as I was touched, I couldn't hear all this. I hate the name she mentioned and praised like that, I hate anything to do with her .

"I just don't know why I should cry !" I said trying to cover up the lies.

"Crying and happy Ustdzah .Thank you for all the things Ustdzah loves us .Science, moral , any .I love Ustdzah !" I don't know who's talking like that in my arms anymore .

Do not know that I am broken, so broken.