Why Should I ?
A message

"Oh God...."

Not noticeably, Mother's tears had dripped down her two cheeks that looked thin and wrinkled. His cry broke, but he was impervious for fear that Rama would find out.

In his breath at that moment, he only called out the name of his son. Wishing her eldest son would soon foresee his separation with Kinanti. Throwing away the thought of returning, knitting love with the woman who never gave her heart to Rama. Yes, Mother only hopes about it, she no longer has more wishful thinking than the sincere words born from the inner Rama.

"Yo wes, I'm not a long time neng kene. Importantly, you keep Rama, ojo until he does the ora-ora."

Ms. Lek patted Mom on the shoulder, making the woman take a deep breath, breaking every sorrow embedded in the bottom of the heart. Mother tried to calm down, rubbing the tears proof of how miserable she would be the fate that struck the son. His love was sincere, but Rama was more afraid of losing Kinanti, than the old woman who had given birth to him, raising her with an undivided love. The woman who never chose love between herself and Nurin.

Mother followed the footsteps of mother lek who had stepped out to meet Rama and Arya. It's normal, like nothing happened. Blending in the talk of Rama and Arya as if he was not hiding anything from Rama.

Arya chose silence not to comment on anything she knew. Something he caught from what he saw. His prejudice is right, but Arya is one of the people who choose to be silent about the affairs of others.

*****

There is no difference between today and yesterday, even for later. Only, the solitude that pervades Rama's soul makes him slow down. As if in the same place. Saturated, upset, regretful, all as if present together in front of Rama. Makes her passionate to rebel and fight against the destiny she accepts.

His shady face, now more often plastered lethargic. The pain that he could not yet express, the pain of the taste that never met the cure, really made Rama more crazy in the bridle of time.

The ringing of the cell phone that he placed next to where he was sitting, made his bad daydreams scatter, disappear and crawl into their respective places.

Rama linked thick glasses to his eyes, bringing the phone closer to make it easier to catch his sense of sight.

"Callo....."

"Hello, Rama ?"

"Sir Burhan, what's up ?"

It is not usual for Mr. Burhan to contact Rama via mobile phone. Especially after he decided to quit his job.

"Where's Ram working now ?"

"The rama's still at home sir."

"Ram, I'd like to say something, but I'm confused where to start."

Rama was just on the other end of the phone. He heard what Mr. Burhan said carefully. Percolating word by word that he did not expect to reach his ears from the lips of others. Yes, it all concerns Kinanti. According to Mr. Burhan, the woman came to him with sobs. He also brought his two young children to complete the play. The woman with a more contained body in Rama's appeal was unceasingly crying. Spent all tears to look miserable in front of Mr. Burhan.

Rama stretched his grip on the phone as soon as Mr. Burhan finished talking. He disconnected the phone without excuse. Let Mr. Burhan call her repeatedly in the corner of the phone.

Rama rubbed his head. Grip her with the remnants of the energy she's got.

"Tuhaaaan, what's my fault ? Why should I ? Why God ?"

His crying, his complaining, was so deep he said. Tears that he did not ask for, now have flowed freely from the corner of the eye.

He could have refrained from returning to work, even though Mr. Burhan said it was all Kinanti asked for. But what about Kevin ? What about Allena ? His two little angels, there's no way he'd let them out there. Rama would never have seen his children starve.

What if Kinanti just let them go ? Take off responsibility, just like her ? Letting both of them curl up for holding back hunger ? What if.......Ah ! the thought continues to haunt Rama. Turning around, making his head even more dizzy because he could not help himself.

kling....

Not yet finished thinking, Rama's phone rang again. This time it was not an incoming call, but two messages coming in simultaneously. With his hands still trembling, Rama tried to grab his phone again. Unlock the screen he pinned, then immediately open the incoming message.

There's Mr. Burhan's name, and Anna's in the line of messages that haven't been opened yet. Rama took a deep breath before convincing himself to take a look. He was afraid, if the message would make it again difficult to muffle himself.

"Ram, this is your wife not coming home." Write mr. Burhan. He also pinned a picture of Kinanti who was ducking hide her face. Allena and Kevin were there too. Just like Mr. Burhan told me before. It's really sad about his life now. Mr. Burhan also told me that Kinanti now works in a canteen in a private school. He brought Allena, although the youngest child was often whining because it was saturated with the environment where Kinanti worked.

Rama passed the message. There is no desire to answer. Though, his heart was sliced to see Kinanti and her children pounding like that.

Rama turns to the message Anna sent. Yes, Anna was a close friend of Kinanti from a young age. Their friendship was so warm that they met very rarely.

"Basic savage man ! Not having gratitude !

Ram, no matter what your relationship with Kinan is, you shouldn't forget your responsibility to your children ! They're too early to be impacted by your divorce and Kinan's ! Lent remains your duty, why do you run and give all to Kinanti ?I didn't know you were that bad. Basic b a j i n g a n ! Fuck !"

It was a piece of the message Anna sent. From the length of the writing, Rama only catches that Anna is trying to help Kinanti to ask him for money. I don't know ! really for Kevin and Allena, or to satisfy his material lusts Kinanti.

Rama smiled looking at his phone screen. Her fingers tried to drown dancing on it. Thinking as clearly as possible so as not to be lulled with anger that actually has peaked.

"Yes An, if I had worked, I would have paid for my children."

That is all Rama can do. He is lazy to extend the word if the main answer is just a rejection. For what ? to make someone's anger delayed ? Or, to mince words because he already knew he would get a bad response ?

Ah, no need to be surprised. Anna was more willing to follow him. All kinds of animals he called to demean Rama, but Rama chose to close his cell phone and no longer care about him.