Why Should I ?
Mourning

"I'm sorry ?"

Dad was dumbfounded, like there was nothing before. He looked me in the eye, even deeper than usual.

I don't understand why Dad doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying. I was hooked, looking at myself. Is something wrong ? Ah no ! Everyone was as ordinary as before. Or because my eyes are swollen from crying too long ? That's also impossible. Dad will ask me directly. Then....

"Do you need to apologize ? Grandma hurt you too, son."

This time replace me who was dumbfounded. Since when was Dad so stubborn and selfish. The father I knew had never had this kind of trait before.

"Well, if you're not looking for trouble, Grandma won't be mad at Nadira. Okay, Nadira knows I love Nadira, but the way you do it is wrong. I've hurt Grandma's heart."

I rubbed my father's arm lovingly. I also try to look sweet and soft even though I really want to be angry because Dad applies arbitrarily to Grandma.

"Father can be gentle to mom. Why to the woman you should respect, you're so mean ?"

I deliberately said a sentence that might make Dad touched. Sharp, and indeed it is in accordance with what has recently happened before me.

Well, of course you won't refuse what I ask of her. He nodded, then twisted his body and walked to Grandma's room. Without thinking, Dad knocked on the door.

"Mom....Mum..."

"Lady..."

Until a few times I said that call. Dad still hangs in there, even though Grandma doesn't even recognize Dad's call. Yeah, actually I feel sorry for him, but I have to do that now.

My footsteps seemed interested in getting closer to Dad. Called to also seduce Grandma from behind the door. Heh, I smiled wryly, while reflecting on my mother's face when she was angry with me. And it doesn't feel much different, like Grandma who suddenly sniffed and put on a face that doesn't like me.

"We stay first, yeah. Maybe, grandma needs some time alone."

My dad and I moved out of Grandma's room. We walked together, towards the courtyard. Sit, among the ornamental plants that Grandma arranged beautifully. Cluttering, letting go of annoyance with jokes.

I laughed, but not with my heart. Daddy ? he was also broken, but I don't know what his heart is.

Which makes me unable to escape from anxiety, only one thing that Grandma did not say earlier. I just kept ringing that second. Like there was something hidden from me. About what ? I don't know, my heart is eager to find out. However, there is no way I can ask Dad now. What's there, I'm gonna find an excuse so I don't talk about it anymore. Ah, never mind ! I'll find out the truth about this myself. Maybe from Grandma, or anyone who knows all about me.

****

My tears did not stop. His heart grew sicker when he heard the laughter of Nadira and Rama. He is still clutched tightly to the map containing the certificate of this house. There was clearly a smile on the face of the man she still hoped to be beside. Living a life together, until aging and sleeping forever together. Yes, that's what he always asked for even though fate had said otherwise. The man she meant was her husband, and he had returned to power before his wife.

Like getting a hunch, the mother's phone kept ringing and displayed Nurin's name on her screen. With trembling hands, Mom grabbed the phone. Read the visible name, then put it back very slowly.

Where is it possible ? Mother will not let her daughter know the sadness she feels. Later, if all is well, he will definitely tell about the problems that hit.

"Rama, you're small not big, it's big why disobey the same mother son."

The mother's mind groaned at the row of worn photos she displayed on the walls of her room. A little man, and a little girl who was holding each other in arms were seen laughing cheerfully between the two adults.

The prayer stalls that I pray every second. The chanting of hope that he always hummed in between his daily prayers always poured out to his two children.

tock.tok.

"Assalamualaikum Ma'am dhe...."

Mom looked towards the door. His daydreams collapsed instantly there was someone calling out to him from the front door. His voice was no stranger to him. Quickly, his hand immediately wiped his tears that had not dried up on both cheeks.

Mom got up from the edge of the bed. He kept the certificate under the pillow, then immediately walked towards the door.

checkered

A sweet smile was waiting in front of the room. The wink of a sad eye, yet so warm touching the heart. Ranti ? yes, his niece who impressed ketus it is actually very soft heart. He could not see the sadness in others. Although his tongue is not busy asking questions, but the way he does other people shows how much he is very caring and affectionate with those closest to him.

"Mom don't feel good to ?"

Ranti held Rama's mother from the side. He walked towards the middle room. Arya, already sitting there.

"Bu dhe ndak nothing nduk. Your mother didn't come here anyway ?"

Mom tried to divert the conversation. He tries hard in front of Ranti and Arya. Pretending to yawn so they believe that you were really sleeping.

"Don't make warm tea, ma'am dhe"

Ranti smiled, then put the bag on the table. In his footsteps, he dragged her into the kitchen. Attentively, he concocted 5 cups of warm tea. He knew exactly what was going on, although he did not know clearly because of what the debate was. However, Ranti pretended to be ordinary. He didn't want to offend his Bu dhe family matter if they didn't start talking first.

"It's mom dhe, drink first ! " Ranti puts a cup of tea in front of Mom, she also gives tea to Arya, her husband.

" Don't like staying up late mom. It will hurt ! It's old, his mind is made happy."

Ranti sipped warm tea from her cup. He couldn't see his mother's brother look so moody. His face was lethargic, plus puffy eyes due to constant crying.

"Wong bu dhe ndak nothing kok nduk. Ma'am dhe sleeps well too."

Rama's mother did the same with Ranti. After several gulps, he put the cup back on the table.

"Well, Auntie's been here a long time ?"

Nadira who just came out of the bathroom immediately approached Ranti. He reached out his hand, then kissed the back of Ranti's hand. And so did he for Arya.

"New bathing Aunt. I'm sorry, Nadira doesn't know there's aunty here. Dad ain't no Tan ?" Nadira dingukan looking for the whereabouts of Rama. In the living room there are only his Grandmother, Ranti and Arya. It feels strange, if there are guests but Rama is still sitting alone on the porch of the house.

"It's okay Dira. Your dad..."

"Don't care about him. Wong she doesn't care about other people. " Sahut Mama while gulping back the tea that began to cool.

Ranti and Nadira just threw a glance. The two were silent, without answering a word. Ranti smiled and ducked, trying to code and strengthen Nadira to understand what her Grandmother said. Fortunately, Nadira understood that. He then went to the room to change his clothes first.

"Nadira is good, ma'am dhe..."

Ranti re-opened the chat after a while all fell silent to each other. He tried to encourage me in a gentle way. Invisibly patronizing, he only wanted to express his admiration for the figure of the little girl whose heart was so firm.

"okay ? If he is good, he will not have the heart to ask Rama to think hard continuously nduk."

"Thinking hard ?" Ranti knitted her brows. He took a seat, and faced Mom. Highlight curious eyes, waiting for answers without forcing.

"Wingi, Rama took the certificate of home and land. Mergo opo ? Mergo Dira asks language school to work in Japan. Wis understands Mr. e weak, not working, kok ask the neko-neko."

Ranti smiled knot. He breathed and sat back facing forward. His lips, still engrossed in sipping the tea that remained half a cup. His brain was still wandering around, looking for a word that represented Nadira's hope.

"Repair, Nadira just want to lift the degree of her parents bu dhe. He already understands, if many people do not want him, even his own mother. Ranti thought, Nadira just wanted to show that Nadira can make the people he loves happy."

Mother turned her head, then noticed the serious look of Ranti. Arya who was busy with a cell phone in her fingers, was also interested in listening to Ranti.

"Bu dhe, maybe the time is not right for Nadira to decide that. But believe the same Ranti, Rama only want to make happy the only hope he has at this time. A little angel who grew up because of her affection. Mas Rama is trying to get up bu dhe, and Nadira who can make him excited alive until this moment. "

"Ranti, I understand who Nadira is ?"

Ranti nodded while narrowing her eyes. He knew very well the story of Rama, of course he knew if Nadira was not the flesh of Rama. The blink that Dira gave, was enough to give an answer to Mother Rama. He didn't want to talk about it, because if Nadira heard everything would get more complicated. Nadira will be hit, even if he no longer believes in anyone.

"What if he forgets ?"

"Forgot ?"

"Yes. "

"You mean mom dhe, her kindness is just a skit ?"

"Yes could be. It's just a way of seducing. Later if wes successful, heh where remember he's the same father."

Ranti began to digest the intent of bu dhe so violently against Nadira's wishes. There was a look of fear of loss depicted on his face. It's just, he's blessing with it. He closes all fears with a more crude word. With the actions that Ranti thought, Nadira would never do. Unless. unless he is disappointed when he hears who he is.

The situation is back silent. Everyone is busy with their own thoughts. Mom pretends to focus on the television, even though her mind wanders everywhere. Ranti, he tapped on the handle of the cup, already running out of words to fight Bu dhe's sentence. Meanwhile, Arya, he was again engrossed in playing the game on his phone. I don't know, the atmosphere seemed gripping. Makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

Rama walked in with heavy steps. Such a burden that he had been trying to throw away ended up in vain. Since that debate, he returned moody, and much silent. Like him, he each tried to realize what Nadira dreamed, somehow later.

"Mas, the tea's cold."

Ranti pointed at the tea on the table. She then rose from beside Mother Rama, and nudged her husband's arm to invite him to leave Mother and Rama together.

"Lady..."

I just glanced at Rama, without answering the call.

"Mother is still angry with Rama ?"

"Sorry Rama, ma'am. Rama just wants Dira to be happy, that's all."

Rama twirled his fingers. He only dared to look down. His heart was beating, as if it had been prepared that Mother would return wrath to him.

"By making the mother who gave birth to you disappointed, le ?"

Mother's voice sounded soft. The tone, he made it as smooth as possible. Those two loving eyes, back in tears. Disappointment that hit the heart of Mother did not get better apparently. Rama's behavior, indeed made his heart scratched, even more painful than losing her husband at that time.

The boy who he thought would be responsible for his old age, it constantly makes his heart difficult and angry. There is always something Rama does, which makes your emotions ignite quickly.

"Sorry, Mother. Rama knows, Rama's wrong."

Rama kneels before his mother. He clenched his feet tightly. Sobbing in there. The regrettable tears that he could not bear, continued to flow until making the batik negligence owned by Mother wet.

"Mother, Rama doesn't know how Rama calmed himself. Only Nadira entertainment Rama ma'am, I'm afraid he's sad if I fail to realize his dreams."

Perhaps, what Rama asked is the same as what I asked when his children were teenagers. He always wants the best, for his son, always trying hard for his son, whatever the way.

"I'm sorry Mom also yo le . I can't understand your wishes."

Mother grabbed Rama's arm, she cried sobbing. The two hugged tightly. Closing, removing each other's mistakes. Ranti and Arya were in tears, overwhelmed by what they saw.

I don't know, since when Nadira also heard the conversation. He ran, approached his father and grandmother and scattered the bodies between them.

All crying, all moved, but not because of the painful thing anymore.

"Rama, dear Mother...Rama loves brother."

Every living heart is touched by that. A sentence that Rama never uttered in front of his mother. A piece of love, which he is promising to soon realize.