Why Should I ?
calm down

Nadira POV

God, why can't I ever feel the warmth of a family ? All the problems that exist, as if I was the one who made it. Lord, I have not understood this correctly, all I know now is that my hopes are too great for success. Yeah, I'd love to make the people I love happy, especially Dad. But, what way do I choose now is a mistake ? ~Nadira.

For now, only this patch of room can calm me down. I was afraid that if the door across my bed was opened, I would hear a rumbling sound that I did not want before.

I was comfortable behind the study desk that Dad brought with him when Mom and Dad decided to stay in the village. Yeah, even if it doesn't last long.

I am peacefully scribbling ink with various colors, on top of the diary book that I deliberately bought. Speak calmly, complain without hurting the heart that I am not hurt.

"Sister, it's late, eat it first."

This may have been the hundredth time Dad had asked me to speak from the front door of the room. To seduce me, to come out and greet him like there is no problem punishing. But, just so you know, I'm not mad at him, I just want to reflect. It takes time to be alone, then to speak to my heart without persuading. I was asking the ceiling of my soul, about something that I could logically not pass, about a point that my heart was reluctant to digest.

"Sister, you don't feel sorry for me, do you ?"

It hurts so much to hear the words of Father so sincere. I was too cruel, if only a trivial thing to make him so pleading with me. It's not a mistake Dad made, but because of my ego, Dad has to insist on turning the way to tear my heart down.

Czechoslovak.

Gently, I opened the room door. A face that dared not look into the eyeballs that the owner was still upright standing in front of the door. I can't see the face of the les, I can't stand it.

Clearly, my ears could hear that Dad was breathing a sigh of relief, before he finally put his hands on my shoulders.

"Dad, it was Dira who should have apologized."

I immediately cut out the sentence of Father who was not finished. I let him go back to silence, and I dared to look him in the eye with a pleading look.

Clear crystal that was ready to slide, I tried to hold it, so Dad did not cry because he saw me.

"Dad, Dira never wanted Dad and Grandma to fight like that. Dira is also sad, if you do stupid things just because you obey Dira's will. Dad, you know that Nadira wants to be successful, then make Dad and sisters happy ? I beg Dad, Nadira does not want Nadira's success to start from a pettiness because of the ambition that Dira can't stand."

"Son..."

"Well, if today is not possible, there is still tomorrow for us to try again. Do you believe that sustenance can come from anywhere ? Even from a direction we never thought before."

I didn't think I could say it all calmly. Dad seemed to not believe I could think that mature, even myself like speaking unconsciously.

I held a hug on Dad's slender body. The raga I've never seen is more contained than now. Raga who never tired of looking for a living for his children. Father, you are the greatest hope of my life. Your happiness is my main dream. Dad, you've been willing to embarrass yourself, for my sake. I promise, I'll make you proud of me.

I don't want to get a hug from him. One day, I will miss something similar. I will miss her warmth.

"em, yeah ? Did you apologize to Grandma ? "

My mind is back with the debate. Harsh words thrown at each other, even slurs that I had never heard before in this house.