The Second Woman's Regret
Talk To Mom

"You owe me this explanation, Ra!" Mother said, after everything had completely gone from our house, only I, my mother and my sisters remained. Mother gradually left us, headed for her room. I was tired physically and my heart went to my room.

My God, this episode? Why do I have to go through unpleasant phases in my life? Why haven't I got my happiness so far? I cried in silence, as before. It feels like the world is really hard on me, I don't deserve to feel happy, even if it's pseudo.

I don't know what time it is. I blinked my eyes, trying to make the net feel comfortable that had been swollen from crying since this morning. From behind the curtains of the bedroom window, I could see the sun had sunk, changing into an orange color. Maybe it's six or seven in the evening.

"Yes Rabb" I covered my face with both hands. Trying to calm a still restless heart. But still this heart is not calm. I slept for almost half a day. Now my hand is grabbing the HP on the bed. Lots of incoming messages. The most numerous are the messages and missed calls from the Andre bang. The man was really shameless, he still dared to contact me after what he did. I said I don't want to know her forever.

Other messages from office friends congratulating me on my wedding. My heart immediately read it. I just want to run away from all this, go somewhere where people don't know me and know me. "Aghhhhh!" I screamed in frustration.

Before closing the phone, my gaze was fixed on a message that made my forehead wrinkle. From a number I didn't keep. There were two new messages from him, before there were several messages he sent. Mr. Saka, the director of whatever company yesterday had offered me a job. At a time like this, he offered me a job with a message that made me smile.

I remembered my mother's words, waiting for an explanation from me. Right now I'm sure mom is waiting for me. To calm down, I decided to pray first, after that out of the room.

The atmosphere of the house is still quiet. I don't know where my mom and three sisters are. I slowly peeked into the kitchen and the living room. They weren't there either. I decided to go to mom's room. And it turns out to be true, mom was there. Sitting in contemplation.

"Mom" call me.

"If you can explain, just say. If not, you better go to the room." Said mother.

"Tira was ready to tell me everything." I went into mom's room, sat on the floor, while mom was on the bed with her legs dangling down. "I'm sorry Tira, Mom." I said, grabbing my mother's leg, kissing her, not feeling my tears well up. "Tira didn't know that he already had a wife. Tira knew him from Tira's college friend. Three months of knowing each other it feels like there is nothing strange besides he who never introduced Tira with his parents. But Tira thinks it's normal because he reasons his parents in Singapore. His father was a weak heart, so had to stay in Singapore for an undetermined time. Tira had asked to be introduced by phone, but Tira was stupid, he could trick with various alibis so that again Tira failed to know his family"

"That can't be an excuse, Tira!"

"Tira knew mom was disappointed with Tira. But really Mom, Tira doesn't want to experience any of that either. Tira was already very devastated when there was a woman confessing her wife."

"Tira .. You are already a big, scholar. Time to know the man is married or not yet can not. You're not that stupid. You've always been a champion in school from elementary school to college. Even you can enter the benefit company because your brain is brilliant. You don't have feelings."

"Here is your reason. Mom's really sad, Ra. You don't know what it's like to have a husband taken over by another woman. Pain, Ra. Be ill. Especially if we have children. How can you do all that. I can't take it, Ra. Whatever your reason!"

"Sorry Tira, Mom."

"I'm sorry I couldn't change everything. I don't want to because of you, your sisters are also affected."

"What do you mean, mother?"

"Ra, let's just open it up. You can bear that your sister will be in a relationship with other men and their families refuse because of you? Moreover, plus you who have a keen and irresponsible father like your Abah. No, right? Then we better keep our distance first until things get better."

"What do you mean, mother?"

"Ra, go first. You already have a job with a high salary. Live alone first. Don't come home until you allow it, there's no need to send us money. I can still support your sisters. After all, Ciya soon graduated from college, he was also estimated to be Pak Kyai's son. Give him a chance to be happy."

Mom kicked me. The words of successful mother made me have no spirit of life. I was destroyed as hell. As hard as I can hold myself to not cry, but I can't. The tears also shed. Even very hard.

I can still be strong if I hurt Abah or the people out there. But when those words came out of my mother's mouth, it felt like my life was over. I was destroyed as hell.

"Alright, Tira's gone." I said. Briefest. Although there are actually a lot of words I want to say. I don't want to do this either, fail to get married, even in the beginning. Who can rule God's destiny.

My body felt very weak, tears never subsided as I left my mother's room, freeing all the clothes in my little closet. I had no energy, I was completely destroyed.

It feels heavy to leave this room, it feels like I still want to linger here because at a time like this I need comfort to strengthen my heart. But this place doesn't want me anymore. This small room, though very simple yet holds many memories.

Here, I used to sleep alone because the size was very small, while my sisters slept in a room next to three with the size of their room wider. In this room I can be content to cry when there are tears. Because as the firstborn, I was required to be strong early on. There can be no tears of sadness because I am the place where they lean. That's why I always look strong because I've spilled everything in this room. And now I have to leave this place