The Second Woman's Regret
Me And My First Love

I took a deep breath. Trying to hold the clear grain that ultimately remains unbearable. They flowed swiftly without excuse. I lay my body on the bed, staring at the ceiling of the room with eyes still wet. Because of the silence, there slowly sounded the sound of sobs. The longer it gets unbearable. I'll just leave it. I really need to cry to spill all the tightness in this chest. Which has been held for years.

At that time, I really needed Abah's affection. But the man who became my first love can make a wound in your heart. Prefer to go with other women. I also felt very jealous when Abah loved Gisel more, even though I was his rightful daughter!

After parting ways with mom, Abah really doesn't care about us. It exists, but it seems like nothing. Never cared if we lived a decent life or not. While his new family is plentiful. That's why I decided to close the door of my heart from what is called love. I can't believe that love really exists, all I know, it's just pain. The man who became my first love, who should be responsible for me, could abandon us, let alone others.

But life is like a wheel, right now, when our economy starts to improve because I've been working, Abah's turn is hard. I often hear how Abah's hardship meets the needs of her family. But I choose not to care. My job is only to work to meet the needs of my mother and three sisters. All this time the mother who had fought for us, now it was my turn to fight for mother.

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At seven in the morning, I was still relaxing on the bed. I decided not to go to work today. I want to calm down. After all, if forcing my way off was impossible, my eyes were very swollen, not to mention an unsettled mind.

[Well, can I see you later?] I sent a message to bang Andre.

[Why baby? What time do you want to meet? Lunch or work?] his reply.

[Solar. What time can you.]

[Lho, you don't work?]

[No.]

[Why? You're not sick, are you? Everything's okay, right, Yang?]

[Yes]

[Okay, we'll see you this morning. I'll soon be sliding into your boarding house. When I get to you, you come out.]

[Don't work?]

[I'm just allowed. Don't calm down if you're okay.]

As bang Andre said, forty minutes later he had arrived in front of my boarding house. We went out together.

Car bang Andre parked near Masjdi Raya Pondok Indah, after which he invited me to talk.

I told bang Andre everything. About Abah and how we lived when Abah left us.

"I don't want any of that to happen again, bang. So I beg you, if we're married, brother don't ever leave me. Especially if we have children later. I don't want our children to be like I was in their childhood." I said.

"Mmmm, of course, baby. Brother loves you so much and Brother will never leave you Ra." bang Andre gave me a tissue.

"One more thing, if we're married, I can't just let go of my family. I still want to support the economy of my mother and sisters, at least until Ciya graduates from college and gets a job. About another year." I said. This is also an important thing to talk about before marriage, I do not want to bang Andre feel toughest right with my responsibility as the firstborn who still supports the family economy.

"If it doesn't matter, baby. Even if you do not work, you are ready to replace you to finance your mother and sisters. Brother won't mind us sharing our funds with them. After all if we are married then your parents also become parents Brother, so will your sisters be his brother Brother too."

"Alhamdulillah, make a lot of bang. Now I'm relieved that there's nothing more that I'm hiding from you. What about your own brother?" Now I'm the one who asked. I hope it is open too.

Bang Andre did not reply, he took a deep breath.

"That's .. Brother's parents. Papa's in the hospital." Said.

"Oh my God, why bang?"

"The name is old, Ra. There's just pain. But Mama said nothing."

"Is it really okay? You don't have to go there?"

"No Ra. Now you can take care of Mama."

It felt relieved after we both told each other about the condition of our families. At least from the story bang Andre I so know how his parents. My suspicion can also be tepis because it turns out I never met because his father was sick. A condition I can understand.

"So where are we now?" Ask bang Andre.

"How about the mall?" I pointed to the mall not far from where we parked.

"Well, to the mall, yeah. How about somewhere else?"

"Why?"

"Don't like it there, Ra."

"Just a minute, bang. I haven't been there in a long time. There's something I want to look for, too."

It seems like Andre bang is heavy to accompany, though, but because I insist even ask him to deliver it if I do not want to accompany him then I will enter alone until finally bang Andre decided to accompany me because he was worried about my condition.

We walked around for a while to the outlet where I was looking for the needs I wanted to buy. It feels like I have not been here for a long time because of the busy work, even though my boarding distance with this mall is not too far away.

When I was a kid, I wanted to go to the mall. But you can never bring us here other than on Eid day because you have a busy busy enough. Working day and night to cover the living expenses of his four children. Slowly those childhood memories appeared in my memories. As I stared at the shopping mall building from the angkot as we accompanied my mother to work odd jobs as a washerman to several houses.

"Ra, are you crying?" ask bang Andre.

"Well, uh, no bang." I quickly wiped away these tears.

"Why baby?"

"No, I remember childhood."

"Geez baby, I promise you, if we're married you'll never feel sadness again." Bang Andre took me to one of the eating places. He wanted me to calm down before I went shopping.

"What do you want to eat?" Ask bang Andre.

"Not to, bang. Still full. I'll just drink." I said.

"Yes, I ordered your favorite chocolate milk shake." he called the waiter, ordered two drinks for me and for ya. After that we went back to telling stories. Sometimes bang Andre tells funny stories so that I laugh but because the story is not funny that there is even me who joked so he who laughed out loud. "It seems like my sense of humor is terrible. Before getting married I'll practice humor so I can cheer you up, baby." Said.