The Second Woman's Regret
Traumatizing

The sunlight came through Amanda's apartment window. I rubbed my eyes, got up slowly because this head hurt so much. If you do not remember not the dawn prayer maybe I choose to stay lying down because it feels to wake up so heavy. So many burdens of life, I'm just a human usually it feels unable to run everything myself.

"You awake, Ra?" ask Amanda. He had just come home from outside, carrying a bag of crackles that had no idea what they contained. But from the smell it looks like it's food.

"I'll pray first." I said to Amanda.

He was silent, let me ablude and then perform the Fajr prayer. Last night, I don't know how many hours I slept. It felt like due to a lot of trouble, my body was so tired. It is difficult to wake up to miss prayer times, so now I replace it.

After prayers, I joined Amanda. He has served two packs of rice with balado eggs. Smelling the scent made me go hungry. After being invited, I immediately ate, while he still made two glasses of warm tea.

"You pray, but why is the test of your life so hard, Ra? Not to lose the test of my life. But if I could understand, God gave me trouble because I never prayed" Amanda said.

"The tool is the duty of every Muslim who has puberty and understanding, Man. You pray, will not guarantee you will not get the test. The test is the form God remembers us. It will not escape the test of someone who claims to believe. If it cannot be tested, live smoothly even though it always sins, the name istinjra. Must carefully. If you are, it means that God still loves you, Man. God wants you to come back to Him." I said, chewing the rice.

"Masa, Ra? I'm a penzina, too ...."

"Also what? Feel a lot of sin? As much as possible, if you truly repent with Allah and repent, then Allah will forgive. The important thing is that the repentance is real, man."

"Is that so Ra?"

"Yep. Just try Man. Maybe this is God's way so that you return to be the old Amanda, who was diligent in his childhood prayers and teaching to the surau. Aye, right?"

.

"Ra .. There's something you don't know yet."

"What?"

"I'm infected."

"HIV? Innnalates."

"Yes Ra. I'm positive. I didn't know that Hito and the two bang-it likes snacks outside as well. I'm really sorry, Ra. My life is ruined."

"Not yet, God still wants you back."

"With this much sin?"

I hugged Amanda, trying to encourage her to get better. Now, with the pain he is suffering, there may be no future, but God is good, nothing is impossible for Him. When I look at it, I think about my own life. No matter how big the problem is, I should face it, not avoid it.

After breakfast, I tried calling Saka's mas number to find out where he was, but his number was off. I don't know where he is. I decided to wait after sending an apology message and asked to be contacted again.

Two hours have passed, Saka has not replied. The number is not active either. Because of worry, so I decided to look for him to the office, shop, apartment even to our new house, but Saka mas does not exist. I'm really worried.

"Where is Saka going?" I keep wondering. No longer know where to look.

Two days in a row I searched, but the man remained absent. My feelings are getting worse. I'm worried, I don't have any friends to discuss. There's only Amanda. Although he provided his ears to listen to my grievances, but I decided not to confide too much in him. I don't want to add to the burden of Amanda's mind, which currently also has problems that are no less complicated.

Day three, I can't wait. I finally waited for him at the office. And true to my guess, he showed up there. At first I saw him angry, even kicked me out. But I survived. Maybe because he did not want to invite the attention of his employees, so he invited me to go by car. After some distance, he stopped the car, then told me to get out.

"I know it's not adult, but please, let's talk." I said. Starting to get tired of the attitude of Saka mas who I just realized was a bit selfish.

"What else do you want to talk about?" tanyakanya.

"Mas .. I am your wife. Is this how you treat a wife?"

"You go first.".

"Yes I was wrong. I'm sorry. I've been calling you since three days. I looked for you everywhere but didn't see you. I just met you after waiting all day at the office. What's got your mind on, let's talk about it."

"I don't want to talk!"

"Well then, why don't you just finish this. Let go of me." I said, with teary eyes. I was confused to apologize to him. But not digubris. I feel very tired of my body and soul. If he doesn't want to be with me, that's okay. But I need a talaq from him so that I don't have to be burdened and sinned again.

"Oh, so you think this marriage is just a joke? After the last time you wanted to get away from me. Just like your ex? Sick you Ra!" accuse mas Saka.

"Mas has no right to say that. I don't know how restless I am to face these days when you avoid me. I never want to equate you with anyone else let alone a man who traumatized me. He ruined my life and now you're accusing me of that? I never really meant that." I said in a trembling voice holding back the tightness. It is very painful to be accused like that.

"Originally you know, I've found out everything about your ex. He and his wife are divorced. He is still obsessed with the same and may be thinking of ways to get back at you. I don't know what you gave him."

"Mas, that's it, enough!" i'm inflamed. "If you can't accept the past, it doesn't matter. I had a bad experience that you know everything yourself. But I'm not that far. I didn't even do the thing you're accusing of. I don't need to prove anything because for me someone who loves me should also believe in me. But if you can't trust me and keep guessing, I give up. Ii'm sorry. It's up to you to turn me on or not but I've given up." I said, then got out of the car.