TOAST
* Slice 269, Tickling heart
Who has never felt guilty in their life? every human has ever felt it. Guilt arises because we make mistakes or hurt others. Guilt signals to yourself when it hurts both the physical and the soul of others.
There is some literature that distinguishes the three forms of unhealthy guilt, namely unresolved guilt (unresolved guilt), as well, guilt of the survivor (survivor guilt) and guilt of separation (separation/disloyalty guilt).
Now these three forms of guilt befall Iyus. He began to think that the actions he had done to others were too great a mistake, making it difficult for some in his past to forgive Iyus, like Mak Nuha and Mak Imah who until now tried to stay away from Iyus. If they had to, they would avoid Iyus as much as possible. Iyus also did not know what to do to atone for his guilt.
The death of Rian who was judged suddenly by Iyus seemed to be a lot of lessons that could be learned. How sinful he was to teach Rian to watch adult films, sometimes lying to him by taking the money Mr. Dzul gave to Rian. Death can pick up at any time without permission, this is what makes Iyus terrified so much that his body sends a continuous sweat signal.
How many sins are in him. Even repenting is not true. Rida did provide input several times so that the five-time prayers were re-enforced. Repent, for Allah is Forgiving.
The shadow hurt physically and the feeling of Noah tetiba appeared like a big screen movie that was being shown in his mind. At first Iyus was in love with Noah, so he wanted to marry Noah. But as time went on, his flamboyant style was firmer calling until he finally did the same affair Imah.
"Yes Allah ... Nuha's... Mas can be that same as you, married just to satisfy lust and after that Mas just make you like a maid. Mas ga work but you keep trying to find money by printing pao in a pregnant condition. There is not the slightest feeling of guilt when we lose our child .. O Allah .. will there still be an apology for the servant of Noah?" iyus said in his heart.
Shivering his entire body recalling the atrocities committed to Noah.
Moreover, the departure of Noah and Qeena was never a problem that he needed to think about in his life first. Now Qeena became a very helpful figure in everything. Noah became a strong and more beautiful mother according to Iyus's vision.
"Mas ... Why why?" asked the panicked Rida looking at Iyus' face ashen.
Rida held onto Iyus' forehead and wiped the sweat off Iyus' body with a small towel.
"Mas ... take a heat-lowering drug yes, change a thin shirt, it's sweat a lump of corn. Why can you be rich gini, rich yesterday in good health" suggested Rida.
Iyus followed all Rida's suggestions.
"Brought to sleep try Mas .. what do you want to dikerokin first?" ask Rida.
Iyus shook weakly.
"Want to see a doctor?" ask Rida again.
"Go on, I want to go to bed first" replied Iyus.
"Yes ... Rida was free downstairs first" said Rida.
Iyus returned to his body in bed.
When he just wanted to close his eyes, the shadow of Imah that had damaged his future appeared. How innocent Imah can fall in his arms, indeed he used to ask for help from smart people to conquer Imah who was then an idol in school and in the environment where Imah lived because of her beauty. After getting what he wanted, Iyus hurt women a second time.
Imah was still a plain girl who did not understand the cruelty of the outside world, until she related to Iyus and turned her life into a dark. Because Iyuslah, Imah increasingly mired into the dark abyss of life.
"Yes Allah ..tega was the same servant of Faith, again the spirit of the school, but instead took him to the pit of adultery. Naturally his family was angry until now, so cruel servant that Imah's life was a mess" said Iyus full of regret.
Not finished the shadow of his ex-wife. Now Qeena's face appeared in his mind. If asked every family must be the answer to want a child present in their marriage. But when the baby is there, even Iyus wasted. Let alone providing a living for Qeena's life, neither attention nor affection. Never once came to see Qeena, because for Iyus, the bitter past is not worth remembering. After all Iyus does not want even children can add to the burden of his life.
"The son who used to be a wasted servant, now gives a lot to the servant. O Allah ..Give Qeena the blessing in every step of her life. Give her happiness, O God, make her the luckiest woman because she is loved and loved by many. Keep your steps in order to stay in Your way, O God. I am aware that I am still covered in sin, but may this despicable Father ask for the happiness of his beloved daughter?" iyus lirih.
HP, opening gallery. There was a photo of Mak Nuha, Mak Imah and Qeena that he secretly took. Then the wedding photo with Rida.
An encounter with Rida, makes her playboy soul appear. Not just his long-held biological desire for a man because no other woman fell with his perverted brain trickery, but Rida came as one who is believed to be his last port.
Rida is also a good woman before Iyus, a figure who has just been hurt by men and feels lonely when meeting Iyus. In the end, they forget themselves because of the intensity of the meeting and the intimacy of both. Iyus was able to touch not just his deepest heart, but able to touch the sensitive area of Rida until the desire to make love even though they were not legal as husband and wife. Rida who has closed the aurat but like most young women, still jipon (hijab bangs, wear hijab but hair/pony still looks like it), clothes still look curves, body, prayer has been tried to be enforced five times but still crazy eling in its implementation.
When Rida gets pregnant, the two are confused. Rida is confused because Iyus did not come to the house to meet his parents as a form of accountability, Iyus was confused because he did not have the cost to marry Rida.
In the end Iyus lost the child for the second time. Of the three women married, only Imah who gave birth safely can even be as big as it is now.
Sweat flooded Iyus' body. His eyes are difficult to shut because the shadow of women who decorate his life continues to mill around in his brain.
"Mas ... Mas ... istighfar Mas" said Rida who saw Iyus bengong with a pale face.
"ISTIGHFARRRRRRR" cried Iyus.
"It means astagfirullahaladzim Mas .. not saying the word istighfar" explained Rida.
Iyus's mouth is hard to pronounce istighfar.
"Inwardly, Mas if his mouth is hard to speak" suggested Rida.
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Tahlilan at Bu Fia's house looks crowded, there is his friend Rian too. They pray together with their khusyu. Special children packed into Bu Fia's house. How Rian became one of their role models, with all its privileges, Rian ga stingy share knowledge for all.
Qeena suddenly felt tired, finally Dafi asked Qeena to rest first in Bu Fia's room. No need to come together.
As if there was an inner bond, Qeena's body sweated and Iyus' shadow suddenly flashed through her mind.
"Why did Iyus think?" said Qeena while holding her chest that felt pained.
To be honest, being wasted greatly scratches Qeena's feelings. To blame the situation is useless. Therefore, Qeena had a strong will to succeed, in addition to changing fate, she also wanted to prove to people who had wasted it if their actions were wrong. It used to be selfish to make his Father, his mother and their extended family regret the decision to abandon Qeena, he wanted to show them that Qeena was a special child, which did not deserve to be wasted.
His grudge now could have been pacifist, but the rest of the pain sliced through his heart that he could not yet forget. Although Dafi often gave advice that Qeena should not wallow in past stories. After all, Qeena's life was now much better than those who had already given her that wound.
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"Mas .. mending us to the Clinic aja yes, already lemes so his body. Rather than getting worse" Rida said.
"Honey money Da .. make a sweet tea angel aja yes" pinta Iyus.
"Tadi Mas Anto anterin rice box for us Mas, eat first yes" bargained Rida.
"What's that?" ask Iyus.
"Baked chicken package, but Qeena bawain soto ayam also Mas .. would you like to hear first?" ask Rida.
"The photo goes in the refrigerator aja Da. eat the rice box first, it can not be stored if the chicken is grilled, it is not good for tomorrow. Soto can still do it tomorrow. We eat one box together first yes, later if not just open the other box again" said Iyus.
the two ate together, but only the second mouthful Iyus was nauseous and did not continue eating.
After Rida finished eating, Iyus asked for a deryrokin.
"This is the wind is already kedalon Mas, until blue instead of red" said Rida.
"Yes, all the bodies of the greges" answered Iyus.
"What the hell is Mas?" ask Rida curiously.
"Yes you don't know, yesterday just again we did not feel right body Mas suddenly not good, before gapapa" replied Iyus again.
"Enter kali Mas" said Rida.
"Install what?" Iyus.
"Inputting his spirit Rian or who is it, will suddenly hurt" said Rida.
"Ngaco said it. Don't talk about it, let us sleep. Tomorrow the store opens?" ask Iyus.
"Said Qeena impromptu holiday three days first, already announced also in the social media Qukis by Qeena. Even the PO has also transferred money back to the same Qeena. The message of Alhamdulillah understands the same condition of gini-rich grief" explained Rida.
"Thankful if that is so, Mas can wake up if the store closes" said Iyus.
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Dafi only got permission for two days for the mourning period so after his permission was finished he returned to Serang. Take a job as usual.
As soon as he arrived in Serang, Dafi was called by his friend Rian. The person explained the reason for calling Dafi.
"So Rian gave me my business card?" ask Dafi.
"Yes" replied the man.
"I talked to my parents first, because Rian still belongs to his mother. But thanks for the info. Please also tell everyone, is Rian still in debt or a promise that has not been fulfilled yet?" pinta Dafi's.
"Have been asked, and there is no debt at all. Inshaa Allah Rian is a good person, even there he likes the love of people who are not able to meet. Just the one I just said to Mas, there is a desire Rian has not been fulfilled" explained his friend Rian.
"Well .. I will talk first yes, I will call as soon as possible" replied Dafi.
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Dafi called Bu Fia, apparently the Mother was still hit by the departure of Rian. Ms. Fia was more silent in Rian's room.
"So then Bun, Mas did not know also yes this is true or not, so yes Mas asked for time for a discussion with the family first" said Rian.
"Yes Mas... Mommy recite, try to talk to Dawn with Izma just to help you scrape to where Rian means" suggested Bu Fia.
Dafi called Fajar and Izma. The three of them huddled, until the decision to delegate to Izma to ask questions about the information conveyed by his friend Rian.
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It turns out there is a special children's shelter on the outskirts of Jakarta. This house belongs to a married couple who cares deeply about children with special needs but is discarded by the family. There are three children in care there at the moment.
Rian met while hunting photos with his community. Rian felt more fortunate than the three children. Even though he's special, the family doesn't throw him away. Rian had told his friend that he would tell the family to give money to the married couple to take care of special children. This married couple did not live in luxury, but just enough to eat and other necessities of life. The husband works odd jobs, sometimes becoming an online motorcycle taxi when there is no work. The wife sells rice in the morning. Rian wants to make the husband and wife a grocery store, so as to have income but can still take care of children. Coincidentally also the location of the husband and wife's house is close to a mosque that is crowded with children teaching. Yesterday no one opened a stall, only the children's food carts that go every morning and evening.
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Bu Fia and Izma who finally visited the husband and wife's house accompanied by his friend Rian who had been invited to talk to Rian shortly before Rian died.
"I really don't know ma'am, I didn't ask for anything the same thing that yesterday stopped by to take a picture of the same rice sitting here" said the mother was frightened after Bu Fia explained everything.
"Yes Ma'am .I also just found out that my deceased son has a very noble desire. Maybe my son was touched to see these sisters who were like him. But you could say my son is much luckier, staying in the middle of the family, different from these sisters" said Bu Fia.
"Yes Bu .. kasian they were left in the mosque so aja, even the other two were my husband who met on the side of the road. Now Alhamdulillah has been followed in the mosque, Pa Ustadz teaching" explained the mother.
"So Ma'am .. Mr. .. We're here, wanting to carry out the final mandate of the late Rian. Make a stall for Father Mother, hopefully useful" said Bu Fia.
"Alhamdulilbornobbil'alamin... Is this really Ma'am?" ask the father reassuringly.
"God willing Sir. The money later I give ya to make a stall next to the house of the Father, it's still the land of the Father, right?" ask Ms. Fia.
"Yes Ma'am .. Alhamdulillah let a patch also have its own, that's my empty land tannemin aja, because there is no money to build" said the Father.
"I give it a gradual yes, a total of a hundred million" said Bu Fia.
This husband and wife trembling heard the word hundred million.
"Sorry before Mom . I never held that much money. You can't if you just pay. I order the material material, later I can do my own work, most assisted by the same neighbors who used to be the coolies of the building" pinta the Father.
"Oh so, or so sir .. we go to the material store, I give you a deposit, if less then four days I come here, so it can be paid. About how much is the deposit to the material?" ask Ms. Fia.
"That fifteen million could be Ma'am? want to install water toren to have a shelter" replied the father.
"Everything sir later the house of the Father painted yes, I put twenty million money first in the material, this front of the house pairs conblock aja so that it can still absorb water but neat, neat, ga muddy in the ujan season. Kan if still kasian gini land that bought at the stall later" advised Bu Fia.
"Oh Allah, thank you very much Ma'am" said this husband and wife together.
"Oh yeah, I don't know the name yet. I'm Fia.. Father what's his name?" ask Ms. Fia.
"Anjasmara Bu .. is commonly called Anjas" replied the Father.
"Style the name of the artist yes Pak .. hehehe" joked Bu Fia.
"The name is the same, but the face and the frequency are much different" replied Mr. Anjas.