Turns Out He Is A Boy
Past Times

At night, I went to my room and locked the door. Then I sat down at my study table where there was a lamp to study, and in front of it was a window. When I am studying seriously... Dor's! I was surprised there was a firecracker sound from outside.

I was so upset that there were people who were noisy, especially playing firecrackers. I looked out the window as to who was playing the firecracker. I saw below someone playing firecrackers.

With the annoyed feeling of not being able to learn with focus, I went downstairs to reprimand the person playing the firecrackers. As soon as I got out of my house, I was surprised that that guy was that bitch.

"Hey! you're making noise on purpose?" I said with glaring eyes.

"What's? I just want to play firecrackers. Why are you angry like that, while I'm happy" said the man guiltlessly.

"What would be happy if you were alone like that?" I said.

Then the person paused for a moment, "You're the same, right?" muttered that man.

"What?"

"Ah no. Thank goodness you didn't hear it" said the man who looked sad.

I don't know what made her suddenly sad like that, her sadness seemed so natural. Did I say the wrong thing? it turns out he really doesn't have any friends. It's a pity, but if he's me, then I'd rather be alone.

Because I don't like other people, "Hey... do you want to play with me?" ask the guy to give me the firecracker.

"Huh? do you think I'm someone like you? I don't have time to play like this. Besides, you're a big man, why are you still playing firecrackers" I said.

"Let's know.the firecrackers made me remember something." said the man with a smile of his own.

His gaze looked very natural, if he did not lie in his words. Firecracker.... make him..remember something? why am I thinking about it?. If not wrong then I also played firecrackers with him when I was a kid.

I remembered my past with him, a past that was useless. Which I should have forgotten, but still I can't forget. Because it was those times that changed my life on a grand scale, because he.

"Why are you quiet? do you want to play firecracker with me or not?" ask the man again.

"I-I.." I don't know why this time I can't turn it down. My hand moved by itself to pick up the firecracker he gave me. Then I looked at the firecrackers he gave me, remembering my past with him... Eren's.

I remember once I was playing the same firecracker that this guy I didn't know gave me. She made my feelings that were so angry with her, turn even calmer.

It seems my hatred for her is starting to diminish. Because of him, I also became reminded of Eren, why in the moment I want to forget everything. There's always something in the way, like I can't forget it.

"This is the match." said the man gave me the match.

"Why are you quiet like that? what's wrong with you today? you're not what you used to be, but you were so annoying haha" the guy laughed.

His laugh... Grep's! I directly held onto the two shoulders of the person while looking at him seriously. Actually what happened to me, why suddenly I hold him, and why he always makes me remember him.

"Eh!? w-what's up? what's wrong with you?" ask the guy surprised.

"Are you Eren!" I shouted unconsciously, but this was not my will. My body was moving at will, after all he was, and Eren was completely different. He is a man, and Eren is a woman.

How can I equate him with Eren, and consider him to be Eren. Eren is no more. He's gone from here, and he can't be back. Why is! why can't I forget what I want to forget!.

Then I let go of the man, and turned around. Is this a suitable reply given to? why do I always feel miserable so remember it.

Why does God let me cry all the time, and hurt if I remember. He's not here, but why can I still cry, and get hurt. Wh why? why am I crying? what am I crying for, and who am I crying for?.

"Why..why do I go first" said the man into his house, and left me alone.

Why was his voice a little different? like a voice holding back a cry. Why is she crying? did she cry because of me? who is he? he is nobody though.

But his voice...like a voice that held back crying, why did I think of him?. Ah right too... It is better to think of another, this way I do not think of him anymore, but why?.

After a few minutes, I started crying. I just realized that I was still holding a firecracker, and the match he gave me. If not wrong. argh! why do I remember it again!.

To hell with the past! I need to quickly forget about it, and start a new thing that I deserve to remember!. It's enough for me to be stuck in the past, I need to be able to change.

I want to see when I'm stuck in my past if I stay like this. I will make memories that are always remembered in my mind, so that the memories of my past memories can disappear slowly.

I will no longer be like this, it is enough for me to continue like this. If only I could go back in time, right then and there, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him. I would have avoided it, if I had known it would be like this.

Then I threw away the firecrackers, and the matches that guy gave me. After that I went straight into my house, and went back to being alone in my room. I sat under my bed, relieving my fatigue.

And took a deep breath to remove the burden of my mind. Hopefully in the future I don't see that person anymore, because maybe he can make me think about it again.

I should avoid it as much as possible, and should not speak, or look at it. Because I'm about to change, but somehow this heart still feels something strange.

Whether it's fear, or loneliness, in the end I can't know my true heart. I was stupid to think about other people's feelings, or my own feelings, as I am now experiencing, I have absolutely no idea what my heart really is.