Aster Veren
Episode 148's

- Esther

When I went to the hospital after asking for permission to go out to the hostel mother, I went out in the afternoon and reached the hospital after dark.

I talked a lot with Mom, talking about Carel's childhood being so naughty and adorable in her eyes.

The words that still ring in my head are when Mom apologizes to me for something that shouldn't be in question.

"Well, did you come Aster? Come here, sit next to me!" Mother's warm voice as I walked into her ward, I saw that she had patted the empty place on her bed. His expression even looked so happy, whereas his face looked tired and pale.

"I'm really happy that you came, do you miss me? I miss you so much" she continued as I sat next to her, and Mom hugged me very tightly. It felt so warm and comfortable, it made me think back to my late mother's arms.

"... How is Mom's condition? I heard Mom's condition is not good lately, what is it–" I asked after being silent for quite a long time, feeling the heartbeat of Mom, listening to the sound of her breathing that sounded tired. To feel her body feeling so thin as I returned her embrace. Skinny than the last time we met.

"I'm doing fine. Don't worry, have you eaten?" The answer immediately diverted the conversation. "You must be tired, right? The journey in the academy to get here is quite far. Do you want to stay here? With me tonight?" He continued while releasing his embrace and directly stroking my hair gently.

"Actually I'm very scared now" he said again making me immediately squeeze tightly into the bedsheet I was sitting on. Seeing Mom's smile and her warm gaze begin to fade, made me feel scared too.

I don't know, I'm afraid of the figure of Mom I see right now. It felt like I was about to lose Mommy again, especially when I realized her slightly quivering body and that resolute smile. It seems like Mom wants to hide her current feelings, but it's not going her way.

I quickly hugged Mother's body carefully, not too tightly nor too loosely hugged her. "If you want me to be able to accompany you tonight." Whisper me then, trying to give Mother peace.

"Hhehe, really? Then let me call the hostel mother? I'll tell him you'll be back tomorrow. It's dark anyway, danger if you go back to the dorm alone." He immediately grabbed his headphone along with my embrace that I had taken off.

All night I accompanied Mom and listened to her tell stories until I fell asleep beside her. At that time I slept in the same bed with Mom, I knew the place was quite small and only enough for one person. But Mother insisted to sleep with me, inevitably I also slept beside her while hugging her body.

I faintly heard Mom's sobs, she cried while stroking my hand. I who had been sleepy and almost asleep was not able to continue my sleep, my consciousness recovered instantly but I still pretended to sleep so that Mother could cry comfortably. He let out all his emotions through tears.

Must be hard, huh? Hiding pain from loved ones.

"If everything goes well, I .. I'll do the opration in a few days." He muttered with his trembling voice then turned to the sound of his sobbing cry being restrained. It seemed like Mom didn't want to wake me up because of her crying.

"... forgive Mother Yes Aster, because I .. surely you will remember your mother again. I heard he died of illness too. I want to be your mother and live a long life with you and my children. Give my love to you who have lost the figure of your mother and two grandmothers. But ... Looking at my condition right now, I'm not even sure," he said still stroking my hand.

"I even owe you an apology for not being able to unite you with Carel. If only I had a little power. I must have scolded my father and husband for the decision they made regardless of the feelings of their sons and grandchildren."

"I'm Sorry Mother Aster ...,"

***

Along the way I couldn't stop crying when I remembered the moment I had with Carel's mother that I thought of as my own mother.

"We've arrived miss." Uncle Hans said, I quickly got out of the car and walked quickly to my resting place.

I saw everyone surrounding Mother's tomb in the black suit they were wearing, flower petals sprinkled on top of the tomb along with the sobs of those who felt lost.

Then my eyes caught the figure of Carel who looked so hit, sitting limp beside Mom's tombstone. His eyes looked puffy with a stature that was so alarming.

The tears that I had wiped away, now came back to flood my face. Feeling guilty for the boy because I wasn't there at the hardest of times. He must have been in a lot of trouble lately, right?

I shouldn't have been so annoying to her that day. She just wanted me to go to the hospital with her, but me? I am instead .... My mind couldn't continue what I said when it remembered Carel's irritated expression.

I turned my gaze to the white Lily flower in my hand before wiping away my tears. Trying to control my feelings. It feels like just yesterday I came to the tomb to escort grandma to her final resting place. But today?

I took a deep breath as I could, trying to calm myself. Trying to shake off all the beautiful moments with Mom that made me want to cry again and again when I remember.

Though my moment of togetherness with Mother was not too much, even our meeting could be counted with fingers. But, I don't know why I'm so lost now? Remembering the image of her sweet smiling face with her warm gaze alone had made me want to cry, especially when remembering her voice and kind treatment towards me.

"Calm Carel ..," Lusy's voice caught my attention, I saw that she was already crouching beside Carel while stroking her back slowly. As for Carel, the boy didn't care about it. His gaze was only focused on his mother's grave with both of his palms already covered in dirt.

Carel ..., my mind felt a pain in my heart when I saw her blank look.

"You're coming Aster?" Uncle Tomi's voice distracts me.

"Yes" I almost whispered.

"Is your father still overseas?"

"Yes, papa's on his way back from Singapore. I came as a representative of the Veren family."

"Thank you for taking your time to–"

"No problem uncle, after all Mother–I mean Miss Alterio I already consider as my own mother. So ... allow me to give her one last greeting." Cut me trying to hold back the puddles of tears that re-assembled in the eyes.

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Thanks for reading...