DAMNED GIRL
34. BEYOND REASON

I have been attending school for a month, lucky that not a single teacher has to bother about my jacket that always covers my uniform. It covered my skin my hands. They just noticed me and then didn't comment.

Today's class happens to be empty face-to-face with no teacher entering and no other teacher replacing him. But even so, all students in this class are still quite calm even though there are chatting or just throwing jokes but the rest prefer to keep reading the package book or filling out answers to questions in the question book student worksheets.

Today's day was quite bright and hot, unlike the previous days which still felt the breeze but now the hot steam from the sky seemed to penetrate this class.

Coincidentally my class was on the third floor and my seat was by the window outside the building but Septi was sitting on the chair just below the window.

From the window we could see the vast cloudy blue sky could also see fresh scenery to the back of the school field where the basketball guys often played there. His tall athletic body and sweating became a special attraction for Septi when he saw it that he could not bargain anymore.

But not only Septi who secretly idolize the basketballers, because usually also if there are handsome basketball children must be many students in this class who pay attention to it from the window.

Me included.

But today no one plays basketball downstairs.

It seems like the next face-to-face there is also no teacher, until I and Septi get tired of what to do. But apparently Septi is more saturated because since then he has been careless to hope there is something he is working on

"Dhira, let's go to the yuk library" Septi asked as he poked my shoulder

I looked at him "Mmm, no. I'm falling down again" I refused

In the same slow but loud voice that came from behind my back, Gea slumped to her colleague "He always wears that tacky jacket every day. I don't like what it smells like. Surely he never washed" he said to his friend, Seli. Her name

Septi who apparently knew who Gea was insinuating finally turned a little back then then glanced at me and noticed the jacket I was wearing. It could be that Septi was also just awakened by a jacket that only once a week I wash but I can guarantee that my jacket does not smell

But despite realizing Gea's innuendo apparently Septi did not dare to discuss it with me, he just kept quiet. I prefer to keep my feelings

Tomorrow is Sunday I remember Mr. Yanto's invitation that he would take me, Liana and Mother to the river behind the house after returning from the Church. Mr. Yanto said the river is not so far from home just a hundred meters away. I do not even know what the distance of a hundred hundred meters is but Mr. Yanto promised me that the scenery there is very charming a pair of eyes

As usual, Liana and I returned to school together because it was the mandate of Mr. Yanto and we always left together

As usual I tidied up the house before lunch until I didn't know when I could really get used to this reality

Moreover, Mr. Yanto never knew that Liana was just indifferent without helping me even the clothes I washed. Liana was never told by Mom to help me. He only served to the stall was forced because I was embarrassed if later I went shopping later people saw my physique and became a continuous gossip.

But it does not make me hurt I appreciate the purpose of Mother's attitude that seems to hide me like this.

Today suddenly the sky dimmed there were thick clouds that began to surround this village. The breeze was increasingly felt to touch the skin, immediately the sky became gray and dark even though it was still four in the afternoon but it felt like maghrib.

Small dots of rain began to be heard on the roof of the old house as big as a giant water spill.

Byurrrr...

It rained so hard

Liana and Mother are still napping today. While I sat there, mouth down the back door of the house with chin up, looking at the rain that fell to the ground, looking at the puddles that were looking for the lowest land.

The wind of rain that was starting to tighten and get colder pierced all the way to my bones as if to take me far to the saddest event behind me.

My tears fell instantly along with the shrill sound of rain.

I cried silently remembering it, occasionally wiping my tears with the back of my palm growing thinner and drier.

I sobbed to endure the pain of this life until it could no longer be controlled.

My body is alive but my soul is gone.

I stretched out my hand to take the dull bricks of the kitchen door that had always been there. My hand grips so tightly clenched it and kept staring at it.

My tears fell on the rock I still held.

I realized healthily that I would.

I attempted suicide by hitting a rock on my forehead so many times that it was so powerful.

But

Nothing happened

My head is just in pain

I returned the stone to its original place.

Someone patted me, he woke me up.

Moms

"Well, you sleep here ?" tanyanya flat

"I overslept Mom" I said as I chanted my eyes that hurt because they were too dry to shed tears. While the rain was still falling but this time it was only drizzling and it was already night

But Mom was still indifferent to my circumstances

"You always make the act that makes Mr. Yanto will misunderstand Mother. You should be able to keep your attitude. You will know that sleeping here can make Mr. Yanto angry at Mother. Fortunately, he has not yet reached home" he said

I stood up "Yes Mom, sorry" I said

"Make me sweet tea, make two. Liana wanted to, she said" told her and left me

Without thinking about anything else, I obeyed his orders, then rushed to the front of the stove with a slight staggering step.

My head hurts so much, like a crumble.

I placed two glasses of my sweet hot tea on the living room table right in front of Liana and Mother who were busy watching television shows, they watched a comedy show while laughing together without responding to my presence

"Mother is the tea" I said

Mom still laughs with Liana, she doesn't not hear me but it's more important to serve me

Seeing them so familiar, I returned to the kitchen because I realized I was not a part of them.

I just sat there in the mouth of the kitchen door, looking at the dark sky, looking at the ground that had puddles.

Instantly the rain came back

Byurrrr.

As hard as this afternoon.

The cold rain mixed with the night wind seemed to be repeatedly piercing my skin

The roar of the heavy rain seemed to refract the laughter of Mother and Liana, as if the rain knew that I was jealous.

Faintly heard Mr. Yanto's voice from the living room. He greeted Mom and Liana

"Dhira where's Ma'am ?" tannya

"It's in the kitchen" he answered

Hearing his wife's answer, Mr. Yanto then looked for me to the kitchen and then met me who was ready to put on a sweet face

"Ngapain Dhira ?" tannya

"I see the rain again, sir" I replied grinning

"Rain kok seenin, nih Mr. raining. Haha" he said as he showed his clothes that had been soaked

"Don't you wear a raincoat ?" much

"Wear it, but apparently the raincoat all. Hahaha" said he

"Hahaha, stitched up sir" I suggested

But Mr. Yanto laughed "Haha, where can the raincoat be sewn"

"Ooh" I replied confused

"Father bring wedang ginger and grilled corn, let's eat together" he asked

Without a second thought I nodded as I followed her steps from behind

"Father change clothes first, you are cold" he said

"Yes, sir" I said