DAMNED GIRL
52. ALWAYS A GOOD GUY

Finally Mira and I decided to eat Siomay together in Mira's class. The atmosphere of the class was quieter than mine. He asked me and I followed him with pleasure because it happened that in my class, I had no friends

We sat together in Mira's chair which was apparently in the front right in front of Master's desk. While my friend Mira is no longer in her place. Mira says her friend has a next-class boyfriend so every jan breaks she's always with her boyfriend

In the classroom filled with some girls who prefer to eat in the classroom there are those who bring lunch supplies there are also those who buy in front of the school.

We also re-nostalgic together as if reminiscing about the sweet familiarity of childhood

"Mira, I don't think that we can one more school after so many years of separation" I said as I chewed bitter melon

Mira's face that still hasn't changed much also felt happy I met her

"Yes I'm also very happy, I think we will not be able to be friends again, know-how we can be together again" he said sumringah

I nodded in agreement, my big smile still on my cheeks

"Yes, yes, yes really" I replied "You how are Mira ?" chink-bung

Mira smiled "Good news, how are you ? Dad keep up and your mom is it all right ? Oh yeah how's your half-brother is he good ?" ask without pause

Hearing him I became silent for a while as if this still broken heart had not been able to accommodate the question that brought me to the memory of the past.

My face that was just now bending bitterly even though I tried to strengthen my heart but as a result my eyes stemmed tears

But no matter how Mira actually does not know anything about all the stories that I experienced, I am sure that Mira just wanted to know not deliberately scribbling to offend me

Actually I also do not want to answer it let alone have to discuss it but I can only strengthen my heart to be able to speak without tears again

My voice was hoarse and heavy starting to indicate that tears had been held until the esophagus "Dad continued I'm dead, Mir" I replied slowly

Mira was shocked to hear "Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un" he said spontaneously "According to mourning yes Dhira" he continued. Her face turned regretful about asking about my family

"I'm sorry, Dhira, I don't know" he said again

I tried to smile, trying to brush off the wounds that should have been buried for a long time

"Thank you Mira" I smiled

"Then how was your mother ? Hopefully he can accept all these realities yes" he said

I was silent, this time my tears were hard to hold.

I finally cried out in front of Mira, sobbing painfully asphyxiated in the chest. To the extent that some of the students who had been chatting with each other finally turned their heads towards me but they had no comment and resumed their respective affairs

My voice was heavy and hoarse as if this was a conversation I had to spill from during my silent inner being

"My mother is dead. Since Mr. Yanto died, I was depressed and ended up hanging himself" I said

Hearing her Mira was even more shocked to the point that her eyes were wide, her voice loud to the point of roaring in the air

"What ? Hang yourself !" he said it to the point that everyone in the class looked back at me. This time they started to fixate on me

But at the same time Mira was aware of his attitude and then shrank the volume of his voice. Wishing his classmates forgot the sentence he just said out loud

But even so his voice had already airborne, it had reached the ears that made a curious desire.

The class started to worry, as if wanting to know more about my story. Some of them started to get out of their seats and came up to me

There were mixed feelings in my heart that were still traumatized, on the other hand I felt moved by those who still wanted to be kind to me

The student asked me with a gentle swab of my shoulder "What are you really doing ?" tannya

But I prefer not to answer and keep wiping away my tears that keep falling

Mira answered "It's okay, Siska. He was just sad" he said

Although Mira said so but Siska still felt pity as well as others

"But who died ?" ask Siska again

For a few seconds there was no answer but Mira finally still answered

"Her father and mother died" he said

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry" his mother

I just nodded in gratitude while still wiping away the tears

Mira also joined the more pity "We pray that Dhira's parents will be forgiven for their sins, accepted by God's side" he said

Siska and the others nodded

"Amen. You are strong yes, may the deceased and deceased be accepted by God's side" he said then followed by others including Mira "Aminnn"

The time to go home from school has arrived even though I have met Mira still when I go home still I walk alone without Mira. Moreover, the direction of our return is different, Mira to the left while I go to the right. Even Mira was riding a mini metro that I never tried at Auntie Ros's house.

Tonight somehow I prefer to stay in the room alone, not like the night before to gather in the family room just watching television with Aunt Ros and Om Dudu.

I felt my whole body cold and my palms were pale but I didn't feel like I was sick or not feeling well.

I sat on the bed staring at the tightly closed window still without curtains. Outside the dark and rain.

I don't know why Aunt Ros's words about my real father kept ringing in my arms. That's where I'm getting curious about who my father really is and whether he's still alive. But in the end my heart and mind fought for a while as if forcing me to ignore my curiosity towards Dad.

Even so I re-opened a photo of an adult man that I had been keeping well. My mind believes that it is my real father

I look at the picture of Dad continuously even though I never know what kind of face Dad and Mother also never told me about his figure. Never at all.

Without me knowing I was talking to Dad's picture

"Dad. Where is dad ?" ask me slowly

Suddenly my tears just fell now the grains of tears melded together drawn his face.

Even though I knew until I sobbed grievously you would never be able to hear it

"Dad, do you know now this fate ?" much

"Dad, can we meet ?" I say it again with a cry that still falters

Somehow the longer I spoke to her image the more my heart crumbled without hope. Though I wish that someday I would find Dad and meet him