Falling Into Your Trap
A Cold Heart; Noren and his Feelings

”So, there is a nice update to deliver on today's counseling?”

”I fucked”

”Oh. It's getting worse, isn't it?”

There was a gaze that pierced him like he was tearing up his mind without permission. Noren dumps the face, preferring to focus on a newly repaired looking interior judged to be of too bright white paint for his liking. He did not complain about that, only that much had changed when he came back to this place, but it smelled the same.

It's chamomile and a little mint. There was a sweet smell of orchids coming from a beautiful purple plant with two flowers sitting on the workbench of the owner of the room. Sometimes, with the mixed smell that entered his sense of smell so stinging and hurried, Noren did not like it very much.

But here he is. Almost very open because the guard on him has been lowered little by little. Noren had forgotten since when he had managed to step into this room that he originally hated so much.

Maybe it was around a dozen years of his age, or maybe at the end of his teenage years. But what he remembered was, he had not been in this place anymore since he had taken over the central company in his home country was born.

Then, why did he finally return to this place again? After those sweet times for himself and the great trust he never doubted himself?

”Giovano, if you don't talk about anything disturbing, I won't be able to help you here” the owner of the room is speaking again. Noren felt like he just wanted to get out of the place.

Ask her head and conscience again why she had to bother flying from Jakarta to Canada just to set foot in a practice clinic of one of the people she knew so well there. The only person he let scoop down to the darkest side in him for those times he couldn't handle with a clear head and stable emotions.

”See Cameron, if I'm here, then there's something wrong with me. I told you I was screwed up and it ended very badly. It's just that, I don't feel completely wrong here, I deserve to do that bad thing to them” Noren gushed out emphatically. He looked back at the owner of the room who just raised his eyebrows unimpressed.

”You know that I don't like doing this or explaining annoying things. It's just, I saw you because I knew that I was doing a mess. This time, I can't hold it as I already have. It's too much and I'm sure I did the right thing this time around” added again in a sharper tone.

”But how do you end up here if you say that you did the right thing? Giovano, I know that you're feeling guilty, right? This time, anything and to anyone you did that mess?”

This is what Noren actually avoided. Cameron always urged him again. It was continuous only for Noren to tell the man everything. Noren knows that even though he and Sinar are very close to each other for the good of both of them, Cameron is the only person who can bring her to her knees and can split everything that is on Noren in one innocent look.

Yeah, here he is. With Cameron as his personal psychiatrist to calm him down and take him down the right path like the mental doctor was supposed to. Noren and Cameron were schoolmates when he was forced to run the business early on by his parents.

As a child who is forced firmly to carry many burdens in the future and people who depend on it to keep the business running well for the living they are looking for from their work, Noren is broken.

Noren doesn't want to admit this, but as a human being, Noren is aware of himself being corrupted. Like a robot losing bolts on its sides, or a program infected with a virus that destroys anything owned by the system. Noren admits that he is not functioning very well. That was why he needed someone who could keep him straight on the right path.

Didn't Sinar ever say that he was weird and scary? That he can do anything even though it ultimately hurt many people for the success he achieved afterwards?

Yep. Thats her. His brain and heart were so damaged that he could do anything bad to achieve what he wanted. He can do anything for his selfishness, for the sake of his satisfied heart. This bad side is what eats Noren from the inside out.

Sometimes, when he can't control it, everything around him is messed up. All the good things he built would just crumble like a broken flower when grasped so firmly.

The same thing happened with his friendship with Sinar.

In fact, that was the case with his relationship with Nalisa, the love of his life.

This ugly green monster that Noren had in him was what allowed him to set foot in this place again. Now he admits that, he's here because of Nalisa. Because of his feelings for Nalisa. Because the pain in her heart was so great that she was so angry.

However, Noren loved Nalisa so much that she decided to finally meet Cameron and ask for counseling.

He hated to admit that he was weak with his feelings for the woman. He was weak because Nalisa ended up hating him, not even wanting to see his face at all. Noren is sick with all that. He just wants Nalisa to love him like she loves him.

For God's sake, she desperately wanted to marry and live happily with Nalisa, Cakrawijaya's bungsu.

But because she rejected him completely after what she tried to do to him for three months, as long as his self-awareness with a clean head and heart and his desperate efforts to get the woman to see him, he still failed.

This is what makes him see red.

Noren is very angry. He was annoyed by everything that came out of his life path that he had arranged so neatly.

”You look very red, Giovano. Just take it out and I'll listen to you well. I'm not going to judge anything about your story” gently, Cameron said. He tried to persuade Noren to speak to him properly.

”It's been almost two months I did that. My ugly monster came out and took over everything. I'm aware of that and I don't want to push it back. Because I feel that my bad nature on this one is very helpful for me to do the thing that I have to do”

Noren, leaning on a patient-specific soft chair that looks comfortable to the eyes, but is bad for the safety of his back. The man breathed in a huff before tightly closing his eyes. Trying to calm down.

”You must change this seat, Cameron. It's killing me. But I will not comment further on things that are not needed”

It took a nice, quiet time to hear Cameron chuckle. There was a movement coming from how the man in the white suit moved to sit in the seat nearest to Noren's current position.

”Noted, Sir. Giovano. Now, I'll comment on how you feel your monster helped you a lot in the last two months”

Noren didn't want to open his eyes, so he shifted his hands to fold in front of his chest, looking for the most comfortable position even though he was extremely agitated everywhere.

”What did your monsters do to you during that time?”

Cameron asked again. This time Noren is convinced that there is a pen and notebook that the man holds in both hands.

”I had a big fight with my best friend. Now, he doesn't even consider me there” Noren explained with his thick breath.

”And how did that happen?” Cameron asked again. Always pushing questions until Noren manages to answer whatever it is.

”I love his sister”

”Oh?”

”After loving her sister, I managed to determine the purpose of my life. I feel like my life is perfect if I end up having it by my side. For God's sake I love that woman so much that it hurts so much here.” Unknowingly, Noren squeezed the part of his body where his heart was. It was pulsing with the wrong sting. One that Noren realized what the name for the sting itself was.

”It's very sweet of you. Then what keeps the monster in control of you, Giovano?”

There is a friction pen and paper. Cameron wrote his research again. Noren they were uncomfortable with it, but for this time, he let it go. Noren focused on how his heart was beating under his palm. Sometimes, it calmed him down like a good luck charm.

”The woman rejected me. He doesn't love me” ' he said in an exasperated tone that Noren knows very well. A lot of the time he had it so there was no surprise the tone was coming from his own vocal cords.

”Ah. I See.”

Cameron's voice is more annoying than anything. Noren felt like hitting the glasses guy's face like how he smashed his fist samsack a while ago before he set foot in this place.

”I've done a lot to attract his attention. But what I did never worked to make him love me back. I can't bury it apart from my hands. Hell, I'll never let him get away from me. I'll get it anyway. He was my first love and he will also be my last Love and that is absolute. He belongs to me completely. No one can have it besides me until whenever”

”There, there. Your monsters rule again, sir. Calm down's. Breath in and breath out. You hear me?”

Cameron patted her hand gently, setting a suitable tempo so that Noren could follow her voice to stabilize her breathing.

Unfortunately, Noren was so overpowered with his anger. He couldn't listen to Cameron's orders or even his cues to calm down. All Noren could hear at this moment was the thump of his heart that was back on the road with the pain he was so deeply puffing out of his head.

”Only that woman is so annoying. He rejected me and gave me a look as if I were the most despicable being on the face of the earth. But I love him so much that no one can stop me. Even the people I love. I will get it even if he refuses a thousand times. I will definitely get it”

Noren opened his eyes. His breath roared from the adrenaline he had. He doesn't care what kind of stamp he's on by Cameron, but the guy already knows his dark and crazy side. Adding this one on his blacklist is by no means something wrong at all. When Noren saw Cameron, the man seemed very dissatisfied with whatever he said.

”Your monster is going crazy, sir. Is this what you like? Do you really want to do that crazy thing? Thats not Love, buddy. Thats a freaking obsession”

Cameron scolded her, but her tone was still very stable. Noren had no idea how the man could control himself, but in the end Noren also did not care about anything anymore.

The plan will continue. She has one more week before her wedding day arrives. Oh hell, thinking about that, there was a sudden surge of pleasure spreading inside his chest. He suddenly felt very light and happy. His smile burst open, this time he rose at a speed that left Cameron a little surprised.

”Why you smiling like that?”

“Why? You find me scarier now? Come on Cameron, you've seen a lot of my ugliness. Why are you feeling scared of me now?” This time Noren stood up. Clean clothes that look crumpled.

”I did not” Cameron sighed. He felt that the current Noren could not be controlled properly. The man was just too focused on his pain. His head was not clear yet and Cameron felt a bit of pity for Noren.

”But, you know that whatever you do now, you will regret it in the future very badly, right? Giovano, I'm trying to save you right now. Stop following your bad side. Thats not the right thing to do, sir”

“I don’t care less. If I have her, my monster will go. I'm good now, Cameron. You just have to congratulate me because soon is my wedding day”

The excited Noren, immediately moved towards his small suitcase in the corner of the room. There is a navy blue velvet box which is his wedding invitation. Immediately, the man gave it to Cameron as proof that he invited the man.

”A Wedding Party?” Cameron's voice was small, in disbelief. “You did it so far... Giovano. Aren’t you afraid of the consequences?”

”At first, I do. That’s why I both to fly here to meet you. It's just a little, you know? I felt a little nervous until I came today. However, I think what I did this time was the right move. I was hesitant when I first opened my voice to you. But now, I don’t care about everything or a lil sting in my heart anymore. I want her, so I will have her”

With final votes. Noren nodded. Her smile widened to see how Cameron's face was falling. The man knew that Cameron or anyone else in the world would oppose him. But this was the step he chose. And Noren won't back down from that.

”Bless us, Cameron. I wanna see you at my Wedding party. Please consider to come and attend my grateful moment in my life. See you again buddy. Thank you for accepting me today”

And so, with a puffed-up chest and bad feeling, Noren immediately took a flight back to Jakarta. She should be getting ready for her wedding as soon as possible.

..........

Noren is now at the Royal Ritzz Carlton Hotel. Where the show and Nalisa will be live later this week. His dark eyes were currently scanning the courtyard. Waiting for something to appear within its circulation distance.

Noren himself is currently sitting in a small park in the hotel grounds. He breathed out his thick cigarette smoke in the cold night air. Juke in his hand he held tightly, not taking off an item for a second.

”Hmm... still a long time, yes?”

Noren whispered in the darkness of the night. There were few stars in the sky, but others were unwilling to appear and chose to take shelter behind the thick dark clouds.

It rained a few hours ago. Perhaps it is also what keeps the star still shrouded in darkness. The cold that stung the skin was not even felt by Noren the slightest item. Luckily, the garden chair was not too wet when he sat down at the moment. A strategic place for him to monitor the situation without being seen. Noren felt, he liked this more than Cameron's stuffy room a while back.

”Oh?”

Noren exhaled the smoke he sucked from his juke again. This time it's thicker than before. His eyes sparkled when he saw the motorcade of familiar cars entering the hotel grounds. Noren stood up, waiting for the people who got out of the car with thin patience.

Faintly, he could hear the furious roar of someone who was currently rampaging to his parents. His sister beside him, could only be silent and held the younger brother patiently. Noren laughed a little. Sinar definitely could not refute anything that his father had entrusted at this time.

Sometimes, Noren is very fond of how Sinar can be a very obedient child dibadading with his own sister. Until then, Noren often pranks the Rays associated with Huston so that his best friend will listen to his orders.

But a while ago, Sinar started to become a rebel so Noren was a bit unhappy with it. But now, Sinar could not even help his sister at all. The gaze of the Rays even fell on the mere void. Noren was slightly comforted, but he denied how his throbbing heart felt a hint of pity.

That's not true. For the sake of his plan to go smoothly, Noren had to do this.

And seeing how devastated Lisa was with her face, Noren swore that she would be the one to warm the woman. He will apologize and take responsibility for all the injuries he inflicted on Lisa.

But later, after the woman became his until his life ended.

”Lisa want to go home!” The woman screamed again, but was stopped with Huston's loud and firm voice. The deep timbre of the middle-aged man's command was able to make Lisa speechless instantly.

”Do not make a fuss, Nalisa!”

”But, Pa-,”

We're here, baby. Come on now come on in, okay? Mama knows Lisa must be tired, right? Let's take a break, is it beautiful Mama?”

Noren notices how Sherely guides his daughter gently. The motherly face that looked so capable of talking about her son made Noren smile a little. Nalisa is as beautiful as Mom and Noren hopes that someday if Nalisa and Noren have a tiny and beautiful baby, Nalisa will look like a good and loving mother.

”Ma, Lisa wants to go home. please.”.

”Lisa-,”

”Tante, the license let Hala be with Jihan, yes, who goes to the room? Promise is nothing. Can?”

Noren observes how Nalisa's friends try to calm her heart. Of course they're here. Noren has done everything so that his little troupe can find Lisa until their agreement takes place. His friends have an important role to play and Noren will trust them all.

”Iya aunt, later Al, Heksa sama Fajri also take care. Aunt Om can rest first with nothing. If aunt Om is afraid, Bang Sinar will be the same as us too, really. It's okay, right?”

Noren sighed when he saw one of his little friends Nalisa trying to negotiate with Sherely and Huston. He knew it was Alpino. One of the people he needs to be careful of. Noren remembers how the day Alpino got into his little date with Nalisa. It was a bit annoying because Nalisa's attention always fell on the man.

But, well. Now no one can stop Noren and this wedding event so he doesn't have to bother caring about others. Soon is his day with the woman he loves and that's enough for him to think about.

Finally, after Lisa managed to get into the hotel and was led by her friends to the woman's own room, Noren again sat down to enjoy the silence of the night and the darkness that was somehow very soothing.

Smoke billowed again from his juke puff.

”Gue has taken the right steps. Nalisa.lo must be aware of how much I'm doing. I'm all crazy about this because of you. So if anyone is to blame. It was yourself lo”

"I'm sorry I do this because my heart already has a whole lo. I'm sorry if I don't want someone else to call you from me"

”Sleep soundly, Mi Amor"

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...A Cold Heart; Noren and His Feelings...

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