NOT PERPETRATORS
Fania's Heart Writings

I woke up with a light head. Kukerjap-pick my eyes. Oh, the house feels swirling. My body feels weak. But I have to go to the office. Soon Ve's secretary will pick me up.

Suddenly I remembered the photo I saw last night. The photo and the book are still on the bed. I forgot to put it back in my bag. As I recall, last night I was thinking of looking for something in the closet that contained Fania's clothes.

I immediately got up, staggering towards the closet. I opened the closet, trying to find something. I took some of Fania's clothes and put them in a basket of clothes. One by one Fania's clothes I investigated. However, out of all the clothes, I did not find anything I was looking for there.

Maybe Fania brought the photo. But why, yes, do I need to investigate Fania? In fact, it was Fania's privacy. However, what's wrong with knowing about the intricacies? Fania is currently in trouble. Who knows if there are people nearby, such as his family who are also worried or looking for the whereabouts of Fania.

With my head still throbbing, I came back to the photo lying on the bed. I looked closely at the two faces in the photo. Fania's eyes .. Fania's eyes are similar to someone's. His nose, his lips, it was very similar to a person's face. But who? It's like I've seen it. But where is it?

Oh ... In this state of head as light as this, I can't think clearly. I put the photo back. I took the book. There is a letter written there. It's like .. Fania's outpouring of heart. I read it too.

Mother ... I was born into this world in gray. A dark color. For I do not understand, either, whether my birth into this world is a gift or a catastrophe. Because when I came down to the world, you left me. You went so far, after getting me out of your womb. Do you hate me, mother .... So you chose to leave when I tried to come into your world? Mother ... don't you want to raise me? Why did you leave me?

And more sadly, I was born in this world without a father. That's what my neighbor said. Everyone thinks of me as an illegitimate child. They also said that I was the son of adultery. I was considered a despicable child.

Funny thing is, when I asked who my father was, to the uncles and aunts who took care of me. They just said my dad was dead. But I felt that my uncle and aunt were lying. I still feel like my father is alive. For years I've been looking for my real father. But I did not find.

I walked down the hot streets, alone. No matter the heat of the sun. No matter the cold night wind. I kept walking alone, to find my father. He's the only one I'm expecting to attend, even if it's just telling me stories about my mom. That I am not the son of adultery. I was born out of love and compassion.

I am ashamed of my friends. Since childhood I have been humiliated. They keep calling me a bastard. Father .. mother .. I have suffered greatly since childhood. Moreover, my uncles and aunts were very rude to me. He often beats my body. Even for mistakes I never made.

Since I was born, I have been hated. No one wants me alive. Everyone insulted me, they tortured me. Why was I born into this world? Mother ... take me back with you. I also wanted to ask you something about what I was born with.

Until now ... I still hope for the figure of my real father. I wanted to ask her why I just dumped her. Why he let me suffer. And ... why there must be me in this world.

I'm tired of looking. I decided to hoard everything about me. I don't like anyone discussing anything about my birth. Because I hate being born. Even those who contributed to my creation left me. Everybody hates me.

If someday I can find my father. I wanted to beat him many times. I want to ask him for an explanation. What I was created for. If to be abandoned. If I could choose .. I would rather not be born. Or leave as soon as possible from this world. God ... I'm so tired ....

I read the handwriting carefully. Tears came back, falling on my cheeks. I did not expect, Fania the cheerful girl, actually had such a sad past.

"I never know what love feels like. After all ... since childhood I have never been loved. I also never knew what it was like to love a parent."

"My mother is dead. I never knew what my mother was like. Except from a photo, which I found from aunt's drawer. Actually, I'm not sure it's my mom's picture either. They're all hiding my mother's identity."

"The words of my uncle and aunt, and the people said, my mother died after giving birth to me. And my father .. I don't know who and where. Everyone I asked about my father, they didn't know. Including my uncle and aunt, they kind of hid it from me."

I recalled Fania's words in the car back then (episode 88)

I closed the book. I wiped back the tears that poured out of my eyes.

Fania .. From this second, I am determined and promised! I'll help you figure out your real father. Whatever your problems and burdens. I'm ready to be the place you share!

***

I've had a shower, it's been tidy. Even with a body that feels different than usual. Suddenly my body felt so cold. My head is getting sick. But I will still go to the office. I also do not know, whether after yesterday's incident, Mr. Wibowo was angry and intended to fire me.

"Imania, there's someone waiting for you outside!" exclaimed my mother from outside my room.

"Who, Ma?" I didn't even hear the sound of a car stopping in front of the house.

"He's a woman. He said your friend" said the mother who was standing at the door of my room.

What is a Ve secretary?

"Yes, Mom. I'm ready to go, too."

I can't possibly tell you about what really happened. I'd be worried if I heard about yesterday's incident. "Oh .. that. Fania .. She's coming home to her aunt."

"Oh, I thought you guys were fighting."

"No, really, Mom."

"You don't have breakfast? Or do I bring you supplies? Since yesterday you haven't eaten."

"No, Mother. I'm not hungry. I'll go first, okay?" I went to the door, I kissed the back of Mom's hand.

"Yes, be careful, son?" Mom also headed for the kitchen.

I went out to a red car parked in the yard. I got in the car immediately.

"At first, Brother Ve?" my broom while smiling.

"Morning, Imania." The secretary of Ve replied with a smile.

We also went to the office together. On the way, we talked.

"How did you sleep last night? Does sound good?" ask the secretary Ve.

"Yes, Brother Ve," I replied with a smile.

"lik! Your face is clearly pale! Your eyes are swollen too. Did you keep crying all night?"

"No, Brother. I'm .. I'm just a little dizzy."

"Don't think too much. You could get sick."

Secretary Ve suddenly stopped his car, pulled over on the side of the road. Then he touched the back of my hand. "Imania? Do you love Fania that much?"

"I've considered him my best friend. Even as my own brother."

"Have you known him long?"

"It's only been about a year. But I love him so much."

Secretary Ve smiled at my answer. "That means, you already understand it so much, huh? I just met him, it's been made to rise in blood."

"Sister Ve? There are so many secrets behind Fania's behavior. He has never received any special attention since childhood. It's only natural that his behavior is like that. But I'm sure, Fania is a good girl."

Secretary Ve squeezed my hand gently. "May I ask you something? Just answer as far as you can!"

I stared at the twinkle of an eye that emanated from the secretary Ve.

"Do you know where Fania was born?"

Why Ve's secretary keeps asking about Fania. Or maybe.. Ve's secretary has something to do with Fania?

"Sir Ve, I just found out the facts about Fania's birthplace last night."

"really?" Suddenly both of Ve's secretary eyes widened.

- CONNECTED --