NOT PERPETRATORS
Fania Diary

It's been five days since Fania went into a coma. Today, I went back to the hospital. Yesterday, the doctor said that the impact on Fania's head was quite hard. The worry is ... if until Fania has a concussion.

When I was in front of the ICU room, I suddenly heard a slightly noisy voice from inside. I'm trying to see what's going on in the ICU room, where Fania is. Through the small glass at the door, I could see Dimas' mother was angry in front of Mr. Wibowo.

"Well, forever, I will never be able to accept your bastard son!"

"Hera, however, Fania is my daughter. He's suffered enough because of me."

"It's none of my business! Anyway, I will never admit your bastard son! If you play games with me. You better watch me die!"

Not long after, his mother Dimas came out of the ICU room with a wet face. He looked surprised to see me standing at the door. I shifted the body, then it passed through me.

I went into the ICU room and approached Wibowo, who was sitting next to Fania, who was still in a coma. Mr. Wibowo looks tired. He looked down while holding the hand of his real daughter.

I touched Mr. Wibowo's back, until he turned his head, looking at me. "You look so tired."

He put a thin smile on me. The first smile she gave me was special. "How are you?" ask her in a lethargic tone.

"Just like how you feel" I replied.

Mr. Wibowo turned his gaze to Fania who was lying helplessly. Complete medical equipment always accompany my best friend's sleep. The eyes were tightly clenched. Her hair is pretty shabby.

"Should have .. The moment Fania knew was my daughter, it was a heartwarming moment. In reality, this is very sad," he said in a sad tone.

"Wake, Son? Don't you want to know what this irresponsible father looks like? But, from now on .. I swear to take responsibility."

I observed Mr. Wibowo with pity. He must not eat regularly. His cheeks looked thinner. His eyes are soft and swollen. Of course he really wants the recovery of Fania. Unfortunately ... will Fania take Mr. Wibowo for granted?

"I don't think God is being fair to me. He sent me down to earth, but lifted my mother up to heaven. In fact, I haven't had the chance to feel his affection. Moreover, I was born without a father. People call me a bastard. Since birth, I've been humiliated."

"What if my father is dead?"

"I want to beat him a hundred times. I wanted to ask her why she left my mother. I want to know why he did this to me and my mom. I ... I want to ask her for an explanation of everything that has happened. I hate him so much! I ... I really want to beat him up!"

"Steach me get mad at him. He's an irresponsible man. He ... he's a criminal. He's a cruel father! Even ... to be honest .. I wish he was dead."

"If he's alive, bring him to me. I really want to beat him a hundred times!"

Poor mr. Wibowo. She must be very sad. He has made mistakes. In fact, it was a big mistake. I know, Mr. Wibowo has deeply regretted his mistakes. He wants to make amends for his mistakes. And ... even if Fania is conscious, I'm not sure she can forgive her mistakes.

"Sir, I have something."

I took Fania's diary out of the bag. Which I took from Fania's room. I sent the diary to Mr. Wibowo.

"What's this?" tanyakanya.

"That's Fania's diary."

Mother ... I was born into this world in gray. A dark color. For I do not understand, either, whether my birth into this world is a gift or a catastrophe. Because when I came down to the world, you left me. You went so far, after getting me out of your womb. Do you hate me, mother .... So you chose to leave when I tried to come into your world? Mother ... don't you want to raise me? Why did you leave me?

And more sadly, I was born in this world without a father. That's what my neighbor said. Everyone thinks of me as an illegitimate child. They also said that I was the son of adultery. I was considered a despicable child.

Funny thing is, when I asked who my father was, to the uncles and aunts who took care of me. They just said my dad was dead. But I felt that my uncle and aunt were lying. I still feel like my father is alive. For years I've been looking for my real father. But I did not find.

I walked down the hot streets, alone. No matter the heat of the sun. No matter the cold night wind. I kept walking alone, to find my father. He's the only one I'm expecting to attend, even if it's just telling me stories about my mom. That I am not the son of adultery. I was born out of love and compassion.

I am ashamed of my friends. Since childhood I have been humiliated. They keep calling me a bastard. Father .. mother .. I have suffered greatly since childhood. Moreover, my uncles and aunts were very rude to me. He often beats my body. Even for mistakes I never made.

Since I was born, I have been hated. No one wants me alive. Everyone insulted me, they tortured me. Why was I born into this world? Mother ... take me back with you. I also wanted to ask you something about what I was born with.

Until now ... I still hope for the figure of my real father. I wanted to ask her why I just dumped her. Why he let me suffer. And ... why there must be me in this world.

I'm tired of looking. I decided to hoard everything about me. I don't like anyone discussing anything about my birth. Because I hate being born. Even those who contributed to my creation left me. Everybody hates me.

If someday I can find my father. I wanted to beat him many times. I want to ask him for an explanation. What I was created for. If to be abandoned. If I could choose .. I would rather not be born. Or leave as soon as possible from this world. God ... I'm so tired .... (This is in episode 127)

Mr. Wibowo read the book with tears. He held her chest repeatedly. Perhaps, sadness, tightness, and grief are merging into one.

He again read the writing on the last page containing the writing.

My father must have been an irresponsible man. He abandoned me and my mother. If my father was alive. I want to beat him a hundred times!!

Mr. Wibowo closed the diary, then grabbed it into his arms. He fell down while crying. While I hold soft fingers Fania.

Fania .. Now your father is by your side. He regrets everything he did to you and your mother. Fania .. wake up. Miss you.

Fania .. I've lost my little angel, Arka. I don't want to lose you either. So .. please ... wake up. Your father is here. He had found his biological daughter whom he had been looking for all this time. And that's you. Open your eyes, Fania.

Mr. Wibowo placed the book next to Fania's head. He moved closer to his seat, then clasped Fania's fingers gently.

"Son, awake. I'm waiting for you here. I've been looking for you all along. Father ... I want to atone for all my sins against you. I want to apologize to you."

A very moving sight. A man super cold and notoriously fierce, was crying and sobbing beside his daughter. He was wailing and hoping, asking God for mercy, to give his daughter a miracle.

"My daughter .. If you want to beat me a hundred times, I'm ready. Please ... get up and beat me a hundred times. It's better than seeing you like this. I can't bear to see you suffer more."

Mr. Wibowo kissed the hand of his biological daughter while sobbing. "Son, awake. Whatever happens .. Dad will always accept the reality. In fact, if you hate me. I'll take all that hate."

"Son, get up. I waited for your blow a hundred times. Dad missed you so much. Let me love you."

- CONNECTED --