NOT PERPETRATORS
Honesty of the Deepest Heart

I rushed to the room. Not asking Bastian questions. If you know what it's like to be disappointed, you might understand how I feel. Sad ... destroyed .. sick ....

Arka I took her into the room. I don't want to talk to Bastian. I want to sleep with Arka. Arka and I lay their bodies on the bed. Simply rubbing his back, or massaging his legs, Arka will definitely fall asleep. And sure enough, after a few minutes of massaging his body, Arka was asleep.

"Imania?" A mother-in-law's voice called out to me as she knocked on the door.

"Yes, Mother. Just enter!" I said from inside the room.

Mother also came in. He approached me who was lying down while hugging Arka's body.

"Ima, you're coming home, huh? I've already picked you up."

I get out of bed. Then get closer to mom. He put his hand on it, and said, "Mom, thank you ... I've been with him all day and all night in the hospital."

My mother hugged me too. "That's my duty, son? Take care of your health, will you?"

I'm nodding. Then mom let go of her embrace. He also came out of the room. I laid my body back. Look at the ceiling of the room. Trying to let go of the burden that hit my chest hard.

There were footsteps coming into the room. I closed my eyes, I tilted my body against Arka. The sound of footsteps was getting closer. Until someone stood beside my body. And I kept my eyelids closed tight.

The person standing next to me touched my arm, touched my finger. "Imania, my wife ..." call her shriek.

I try not to be distracted. Not waking up from my current position. And he again said softly, "I know you hear me."

He also sat beside my body. "Imania .. I know this is hard. I've hurt you. Disappointing to your sincerity, your loyalty. I realize that."

I'm unmoving. My chest is getting claustrophobic hearing his voice.

"Imania .. if you still want to know everything. Let me tell you. You don't have to say it, if you don't want to. But you just listen. You can be mad at me. You can slap me too. You can do anything to me. Including hating me."

His voice was soft, but it sounded heavy. In the silence, I felt seriousness in every speech. In my silence, I felt sadness and regret from every sentence that came out of his lips.

"Imania .. let me tell you all the stories. That honestly, honestly ... I .. I haven't been able to leave my past. I still love him."

There were water droplets stuck in my eye. As hard as I can, I still try to hold it. Although my breathing is irregular, due to the burden on the tormenting chest.

"Ultimately, we were lovers. Who have promised to complete each other, to love each other, until death do us part. But my parents didn't approve. They insulted my girlfriend. He was treated like trash. And I've told you a little bit about him. When we're going to the top. You remember?"

I remember that incident again. About her ex-boyfriend who was afraid of the dark.

"He was afraid of the dark, but he said he was more afraid of losing me. He's scared out at night and scared of ghosts. But to give me that birthday cake. He ventured to deliver it himself, right at 12 p.m." (Episode 31)

"She is my favorite woman. I haven't been able to move on from him. I don't even think .. I can get it out of my mind. So far, I've built a household with you. I can't love you yet."

The scrolls dripped one by one. I can't help it. Mas Bastian who was still sitting on the floor was aware of it. He wiped away the tears that flooded my cheeks.

"Imania .. rather than me being drawn away from keeping lies from you. Wouldn't I be honest? I can no longer hide this from you. What is, we will both be tormented. What's more, you're a very good woman. It's not appropriate for me to hurt you constantly."

The deg! Another atomic bomb went down my chest. I felt an explosion in my mind, causing heat and pain to run through my body. I'm getting sobbing. And Bastian understood that. Mas Bastian also sniffled. He did not continue his speech. He just kissed the back of my hand and said, "I'm sorry ...."

For a few minutes, we sobbed in the cold of the night, and the heat of the mood. There was wind outside the house. As if racing to enter through fentilation cracks. Trying to cool the heart, two people who are vaporizing the pain.

"I'm sorry .. My sin is so great for you. In fact, you don't deserve to forgive me. But really .. I've insisted on loving you. But still can't."

My chest jolted in tune with my sobbing cry. He also continued talking. "I admit, I have the heart! I'm ruthless! I've been lying to you for years. And now ... I'm sorry for playing with your feelings" she said in a raucous voice.

"I've been in contact with my boyfriend all this time. After work, I went to the house we had contracted for. And I spent time alone there, with him. We love in the wrong way. We have committed many sins, to God .. and to you."

Mas Bastian rubbed back my tears that flowed soaked the pillow. He kept peeling the back of my hand. Sobbing, he spoke again, "Imania .. which has been stressing me for the past few days, so I went home drunk" Again Bastian stopped talking. It was like there was a heavy burden in his heart and lips to say that to me.

"A few days ago, he told me something you couldn't possibly hear."

Something I couldn't possibly hear? Is it ....

"That's what's stressful for me. That's why the last few days I've been to the cafe. And my boyfriend's looking for me there. Dimas was drunk there, too, and he listened to our conversation. Suddenly Dimas beat me with emotion."

I'm trying to neutralize the anger that's about to spill. I patiently listened to him. Even in a collapsed heart.

"My girlfriend .. she .. she's pregnant."

Unstoppable anymore. I was crying so much. Bastian was crying too. He immediately hugged my body. He kissed the back of my hand many times. And only an apology kept coming out of his mouth.

Both my eyes are open. "What wrong! What wrong! What a lack of me!" I said while beating his chest.

"Pronounce me .. Even if I know, only karma deserves to punish me. I realize all my mistakes. I can't say this is a khilaf. Because now ... I intend to take responsibility for what I have done," he said still with a trembling tone.

"You're evil! You have heart, Mas!" I said with a sob.

Bastian sat my body. He was back in front of me. "Now you know everything." He took both my hands. "You may decide what you choose. I can't make a choice for you. If I ask you to stay, it will only make you suffer more. So ... I'll just step up as you decide. But don't ask me to stop the relationship with my girlfriend. I can't."

I looked into both of his eyes deeply. Both of our eyes were wet. With a feeling of pain, I said to her, "So far .. We've been interweaving the household ark. I thought you were the man I expected. Gentle, full of responsibility, and affection. You've done all that. I'm grateful ...."

"Love cannot be forced. When we put our hearts on someone. And leave half our hearts there. Then it won't be that easy to forget. Sometimes ... without looking for it, our hearts are already attached to it. So ... no matter how far we run away, that feeling of love will go back there. Maybe this is what is called love. Time is not the right way to avoid everything. Because when the heart has chosen its moorings. He can't escape anymore" I continued with tears that continued to break.

"So ... What's your decision?"

- CONNECTED --

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