WHAT ABOUT ME?
Grief at night

My heart was beating so fast that Mr. Somad said that, my legs were limp that I fell to the ground, I collapsed beside my lifeless father.

my tears broke, the world I was praising at this moment felt stopped spinning.

how can this happen while this morning I still meet my father and belch but tonight my father suddenly died.

mr. de Somad stroked my shoulder, he tried to calm me who was still roaring in my father's side.

"ikhlas your father Jasmin, all have become the decree of Allah" comforted Somad sir

"how could this happen, de sir, how could you leave us alone, how could you leave without saying goodbye to us. huhuhu." my roar sobbed.

"how about the mother de sir, I will definitely be shocked to hear this news, how about the mother later pakde. "sneer me with tears.

"dad, dad woke up dad.dad don't pity Jasmin, same mother Jefri who still needs dad, daddy why would you leave us all.dad, daddy let's get up... " I shook my father's body which was still lying stiff on the ground.

I want to turn the clock to be more devoted to my father, even though my father never demanded more, but I feel I have not been able to do anything meaningful in his lifetime.

"already Jasmin, please release your father .... "

some of the residents who had listened had finally approached Mr. Somad, he asked to bring his father to be brought home.

"sir de, we better take Mr. Adam home first, as well as we negotiate some things later there" he said.

"well, we better take Mr. Adam home alone, pity the house people waiting, please two people, inform the house people yes" said pakde Somad

"well sir"

not long after, the pick-up car came, some residents were carrying royong lifting the father's buh riding the pick-up car that had previously been on the floor mat.

"let's go home, your mother is waiting at home" said Mr. Somad

I nodded, with Somad sir on my way to the pick-up car that was carrying my father.

"sir de, what about mom, is mom okay? " bluff I asked something I shouldn't have asked.

I chose to sit in the back with my father, I held his head so that he would not feel pain.

"god willing, your mother is strong like you"

just a few minutes away we got home.

some residents were waiting for us to arrive, but among the crowd, I did not meet my mother and sister.

my heart began to fret because I was worried about my mother's heart disease which could later recur when I heard this news.

with dad slowly getting out of the car and then I caught up with him in the back, after making sure he was well taken care of by the residents, I decided to go in to see Mom, right now my mother is the most shocked.

"where's mom bude? " ask me to Bude Eni the wife of Mr. Somad

"mother inside, she fainted, let's go there" she said as she led me to the mother in the room.

mother turned her head, her clean face was now reddened with tears, mother tightened her tears when I came to approach mother "Jasmin.... "

"your father son, your father left me, huhuhu. how can you live if your father goes first, I can't afford Jasmin"

The mother who had been crying in silence also expressed her sadness in my arms, I was the same, since I had suggested myself to be strong in front of mother, but when I saw her, my heart was getting broken, especially when Jefri who had just been silent with his empty gaze.

I hugged my two loved ones tightly, I tried to be stronger so that mom and Jefri were calmer.

but the embrace of the mother arrived regardless and felt heavy, the mother fainted again.

"mom, mom wake up mom... "

bude Eni helped me resuscitate my mother, I grabbed the mother's medicine on the table and opened it violently.

"mother's medicine" I told Bude Eni, he must understand what I mean, he nodded then began to apply wind oil to the mother's nose.

soon after the mother siuman, Bude Eni immediately offered drinking water and medicine to be immediately drunk by the mother.

"mother is calm mom, there is Jasmin and Jefri on the mother's side, Jasmin promises to make mom happy like dad makes us happy, please mommy says"

I was calmer, but mother was still crying, she must have been crying, lost her life companion who accompanied her grief had gone home first, mother must have been destroyed.

"bude, sorry for the trouble" I said to Bude Eni who was stroking the mother.

"bude did not bother at all Jasmin, bude also grieved yes, you are strong, your mother and sister need you" said Bude Eni, he wiped his tears, from then on he also cried, probably because Bude Eni was also close to his mother, so he was sad.

"mother here first yes, let Jasmin take care of father" I said to mother, I immediately went out of the room after leaving mother to bude Eni

what I'm going to do, I don't know what to do first, I'm just a teenage girl who also needs a crutch to keep from falling over, but must bear all alone so that mother and Jefri are not too late in suffering.

I opened the curtains between the room and the living room, there my father was laid, some residents were also teaching at my side.

I approached Mr. Somad who was talking to several men.

"sir de. "call me to approach him.

"you take it easy, let me take care of your father"

"dad how? "

"we will immediately bury tonight, all residents have agreed and willing to help, you tensng let the pact take care of everything, you better accompany your mother and sister"

the tears that I had been able to endure had finally slid freely, which meant that tonight was the last night I could see my father's handsome face, my first love, my first love, can I see all this?

"you who are patient Jasmin, you must be strong for the sake of your mother and sister" said pakde Somad calming.

I just nodded stiffly, how strong I was, I was still a woman, who would be fragile when loved ones left for long.