LOVER MONSTER!
85. Talk To Believe.

Jessica's breath took off long and implied tired.

After hearing Demian's long words, there were many things flashing in Jessica's head, it was hard for her brain to accept. Not only about the fact that Demian is the son of the leader of a mafia group in Italy there, Demian has a crazy brother and family who may be even crazier, Jessica also has trouble digesting the fact that Demian loves her.

All of that information mingled in Jessica's mind and created her current mood. The mood is a blend of confused-meeki-sad-tempered-nerry and back at the confused again.

Jessica did not know what to react to Demian's long story of gloom. Jessica doesn't know how she should respond to Demian.

"If there's anything I'm feeling right now," Jessica muttered as she leaned her head against the sofa stand. "I'm more concerned with the fact that you're alive today, I'm serious."

Jessica then elbowed Demian's arm, "You're the victim. If there is a person who deserves to disgust me and be angry and wants to kill people, then that person is definitely Erthian. Which brother claims to love you but can do evil to you? Thinking about it doing just that, I shuddered amazingly.---

I'm surprised you haven't killed him."

"I was thinking about doing that..." Demian spoke while rubbing his own arm, as if trying to calm himself in the past. "I thought I should kill Erthian and Selina for doing that disgusting thing to me, but. I can't tell that story to anyone."

"I feel ashamed of my own situation." Demian added at the end.

Of course, facing harassment and admitting to being abused is a difficult thing to do. Jessica understood that even though she never lived it directly.

Jessica - during her rehab years - often meets abuse victims who use alcohol as an escape. The cure of their deep pain.

"Thank you for telling me this," Jessica grabbed onto Demian's shoulder and finally gave the man a soft shake on the shoulder. "You didn't do anything wrong. You're great for having endured it all alone all this time."

Demian's smile flashed faintly, his sadness blending with relief. "I didn't expect to get any moral support from you."

"Well.., I don't know if my words deserve to be labeled as moral support when I'm just saying normal things. I wish I could say better than I did, but I'm not very good at communicating. Especially when it's to calm others."

"You don't have to say wise things" Demian said. He looked at Jessica with a faint smile. "You who are beside me now have made me feel relieved."

"Hmmm, that.., I still can't forgive you. If you really like me, what about your relationship with Angela? You think I'll just forget about her existence?"

"As I said, we're not dating." The atmosphere of the previously atmospheric nelangsa between them changed slowly when Jessica re-emphasized Angela's problems. Demian's expression spontaneously became puffed up.

"I'm serious" he said, this time more convincing.

"I used him to trick Erthian, that's all."

"Oh, so it doesn't matter if Angela's all right?"

"It doesn't mean that but..." Demian did mean it that way, actually. Rather than risking Jessica's safety, Demian is better off looking at Angela.

"But?"

"alright. You have a point, but I don't mean to be evil."

Jessica held back the ruckus from her mouth, she did not want to make Demian relieved just like that. "You sure you don't like Angela anymore? You admit you like me, but you stay in her room, always with her. Moving on from her must be really hard, huh? Are you happy to have become the backrest of your former crush?"

"Jessica?"

"I'm just asking..."

"Tsk.., I accompanied Angela because she threatened to kill herself, that's all. He's so stressed about being separated from Jake, he's become unstable. I don't have any feelings for him, he's just a friend."

"You sure?"

"I just like you now, I'm very serious." Demian's voice was full of anxiety. "What am I supposed to do until you trust me?"

"I want to trust you, Demian, but what about you?"

"..."

"Do you trust me?"

"Is that questionable?"

Jessica's smile was sour.

"I understand you've had a difficult past, there are some hard things for you to admit to me, but, Demian." Jessica said with a bit of disappointment.

"You don't have to tell me who Erthian is and what he's done, if you just tell me he's dangerous, you can talk to me and work with me. I'll definitely trust you. You don't have to trick me and make me hate you in the process."

"I don't want to let you down Jessica."

"Demian.., you let me down when you forced me to keep in touch with you when you confessed to dating Angela at the time. You hurt my pride, to be honest."

Demian drowned her face again, she lowered her head and listened to Jessica's words with guilt.

"I said I liked you that day, but not in the least you tried to give any explanation. I'm waiting for you to talk, I'm ready to listen to you, but you're locking your mouth."

"..."

"If you're not in a relationship with Angela, if you say you're doing this for me, at least involve me Demian. Even though you can't trust me, I still have the right to know why you're treating me so badly."

"..."

"..."

Silence then spread between them. Jessica felt a little better after voicing her heart. He - despite understanding Demian's position - still could not forget how the pain plagued his heart lately. He feels stained every time Demian touches him, he feels guilty for Angela and he hates himself for loving Demian.

Jessica felt various difficulties only to realize that her feelings were not wrong at all. His grief and tears that spilled turned out to be only for a fraud, a falsehood. Jessica feels betrayed, and it hurts so much when the person who betrayed her-Demian-confesses that she loves Jessica.

How can you hurt someone you love? Jessica doesn't understand?

"I'm sorry Jesse," Demian finally opened his voice. "You said the right thing, I let you down with a lot of my actions but.., I did it because I didn't want you to see who I was, Jessica."

"..."

Do you think..., with all my past, I can just talk to you about all that?"

Demian did not dare to acknowledge his past, not until this day had arrived.

"Then, why is this time different, Demian? Why did you suddenly decide to be honest with me?"

"I.., um...,"

Demian took a deep breath and felt like a knife was stuck in his throat. He recalls the day he found Jessica sharing a kiss with Jake on the balcony.

As he watched the situation, Demian felt his blood rustling hot. Demian wanted the position, the place was just for him. He didn't want anyone else on Jessica's balcony. He did not want to see the girl in the arms of another man besides himself.

"I'm just greedy, Jessica..." Demian mumbled softly, "I don't know.., even though I said I didn't want to harm you, I didn't want to share you with anyone. I'm too greedy, I lose..."

Demian had been defeated by his heart. No matter how sane she tried to be there, the fear her heart felt when imagining Jessica with others made Demian run to Elixir. Demian did not want to let go of Jessica, his heart did not want to budge from his logic.

"You said you didn't want to be honest because you were afraid to let me down? Are you afraid I'll be disinclined by you and stay away from you?"

"Most people react that way." Who wants to deal with the mafia, really?

"And somehow, I fall into that category of most people?"

Demian turned to Jessica for a glance before looking back at her coffee cup on the table. "You're a good girl, Jesse. "It's only natural that you hate evil and all the bad things in the world."

"That's.., maybe true. No, that's true." said Jessica. This time he spoke while paying full attention to Demian. A pair of emeralds shone clear there.

"I do hate all the bad things in this world, but. Demian, that doesn't mean I'm gonna hate you."

"..."

"You can't choose from whom you were born. Even though I hate your background and your family, I won't hate you. Not when in reality, you run away from them. You don't join hands with them and commit crimes. You.., be here, Demian."

Jessica cupped Demian's face in her palm. "I would only hate you if you were involved in killing and trafficking people. So, are you involved in something like that?"

"Haa.." Demian's weirdness came off low. "Where could I do that."

"Then?"

"They're just trading guns and drugs, Jesse." Demian clasped Jessica's wrist, feeling the warm skin of the girl in her hand. "Of course, I've never involved myself in that matter either."

"So they don't trade humans?"

"Only when it's consensual?"

"Huh?"

"You know.., sort of like a PSK." Demian laughed. "They don't kidnap children and sell their organs in the market. My family was careful enough to dirty their hands, they didn't take the dirty road that the profit was not much."

"Well, well.., is this your side of the mafia talking?" Jessica squinted her eyes suspiciously.

"Just give you a little information."

"Well, thank you for the information." Jessica responded. He then pinched Demian's thigh strongly. "Very useful, yes. I didn't know I needed that information so much."

"That's because your imagination is so high. You need to stop reading those mafia novels."

"Eh? How do you know what my book is about?"

Demian slicked his shoulders. He did not want to admit that he bought several print series of novels involving Alecto in it. Demian did not want to be caught already curious about the favorite character Jessica.

"Just guess from the weird cover."

"Tsk. Don't judge a book by its cover!" Jessica cursed when her novel was brought.

"Well, then..., does this mean you won't hate me even if I have a bad background?" Demian returned to the main topic. The most important topic for him.

"I'm not in the right position to criticize your parents, Demian. I have no rights whatsoever." Not when he was born to equally dilapidated parents.

"I heard from Ethan you didn't have a good time either." Demian remembers his chatter and Ethan at the cafe.

"Is that why you don't want to judge me or anything?"

"Did Ethan say something?"

"He didn't reveal anything. He's just saying that he and your other friends have a reason why they're being overprotective of you. I'm curious about that..."

Demian wondered why Jessica had a friend who treated her like a king?

Knowing Demian was bringing up her time, Jessica got up from her seat and sauntered into the nightstand drawer. Demian noticed Jessica's steps, especially on her legs that were exposed in the hemisphere of her skirt, before Jessica finally turned around and threw a coin at her.

"That's the reason" Jessica said. He then sat on the bed and looked at Demian's expression that implied disbelief.

The coin in Demian's hand is an appreciation coin given to addicts who managed to escape the candlestick in a certain period of time. Demian knew the coin was proof and appreciation that the owner had come to his senses, had found a grip on himself.

What Demian didn't know, why did Jessica have the coin in her hand?

What happened until Jessica got this coin? She don't...

"It was just in the past" Jessica said, as if the coin meant nothing. "My friends are worried about me for that."

...****************...