Sharing Love: Is My Husband Yours?
Suitcase and Bag

"You have to be more aggressive, Rania." Nelly's words when I was on the phone a few days ago ringed in my ear.

"Beautiful dress, wear fragrant clothes, wear sexy clothes! Approach and seduce your husband! If he was indeed abnormal, his reaction would definitely be ordinary. But, if it turns out that he's normal, which guy wouldn't want to enjoy women?" Sentence by sentence Nelly was imprinted on my brain.

I don't know why I feel like that's the only way to know Mas Darwin's normalcy. I really need to know what kind of man I married. Does he not like me because he is same-sex? Or, did he deliberately stay away from me because there was something else he covered up?

This morning at the dinner table Mas Darwin said to mom, "Mom, next week I want to attend an international seminar in Bali for a few days. So, next week I can't come back here."

"Bring your wife!" mother said that made me and Mas Darwin dumbfounded.

Darwin stopped eating. He put the spoon in his hand. Then, he said, "Can't, Mom. I didn't go there for holidays or sightseeing. I went there for the presentation and publication of the research results. It's part of a lecturer's job."

"Then, what difference does it make if Rania comes along? I don't think he's going to interrupt your show" she said.

"I can't, Mom. Seminar all day. Rania will definitely get tired of waiting for me all day alone at the hotel. Better he's here to accompany mom." Darwin really didn't want to take me.

"It's not possible until midnight. You can spend the night with your wife there. Let's just say you're on your honeymoon!" Mom insisted I come along.

"Can't, Mom. It's a work matter. I have to be professional."

"What makes you unprofessional if Rania comes along?" ask mother.

Darwin was silent. Then, the mother again said, "You have a promise to give the mother a grandchild."

Darwin rubbed his face. His expression was completely disheveled.

"You want a sick mother dying first, and then you think about having a child?" Mother's question sounded pressing.

"That's not it, ma'am" said Mas Darwin.

"You do, take your wife! I also don't want your wife here to continue to trouble me," said the mother.

Darwin stood up from his seat. "Mas," call me to hold him off. But he doesn't care. He left the table without drinking first.

"Rania," my mother's voice made me look at my mother. "If you want to continue being Darwin's wife, you have to give birth to many grandchildren for me. Otherwise, I'd be looking for another woman more deserving of being Darwin's wife."

I'm speechless. Meanwhile, the mother continued to eat casually. I don't understand mom's mind. She didn't like me as a daughter-in-law, but she urged me to give birth to a grandchild soon. He wants a child from me.

I'm rattled. How can I give birth to a child for Mas Darwin if he never even touched me? If this continues, mother will definitely blame me and give me the stamp of the barren woman. I wonder if I should stay in this marriage or should I step back and choose to be a widow?

Then, finally, next week arrived. Darwin finally wanted to take me to Bali. I am still confused by my confused feelings to survive being his wife or leave his life. However, I try to follow the flow of life that happens and try to enjoy it.

Hence, I was slightly flabbergasted by the sight of the airport before me at this moment. Everyone I saw was busy with their own business. I stared at the main door of the airport, I didn't know what to do and walked where.

"Come on!" said Mas Darwin after he finished lowering our bags from the taxi he rented to take us.

I immediately grabbed my big enough bag. Then, all of a sudden, "Let me take it!"

I looked at Darwin. His words felt so warm in my heart. 'He cares for me, ' my mind.

Then I followed him from behind. He scratched his suitcase and tipped my bag. We put our clothes in two different bags. I had a complaint earlier at home when I saw me carrying the tote bag.

"What the fuck is this Rania? Don't embarrass your husband! Where's koper? Why carry a butut bag like that? Your husband is a professional, the appearance of the wife affects the authority of the husband," said Mother this morning.

"I only have this bag, Mom," I said.

Mother's shaking head. "Why not tell me from far away? Your husband can still buy you 10 new suitcases. Don't embarrass your husband! I'm ready to go like this just said I don't have a suitcase." No stop my mother was babbling on me until we left.

Then, all of a sudden, "Come on, Rania!" Mas Darwin's words shattered my memory. Turns out we were already inside the airport, I was already far behind Mas Darwin. He's pretty far ahead of me. Then, he turned his steps, walking towards me.

"We have to be fast if we don't want to miss the plane" he said. Then, a warm touch of Mas Darwin's hand clasped my wrist. Then, the grip of his hand came down to my hand. He held my hand while walking.

'This is the first time, ' I thought. The first time Darwin held my hand. His grasp so tightly made a strange feeling appear in my heart. My heart rate jumped as well. I looked at Mas Darwin's face from the side. 'Is he not aware that he is holding my hand?' my thinking. 'Or is it just normal for him. There was no special feeling for me in his heart.'

I don't know. But, there must be a flowery feeling in my heart right now. I feel comfortable and happy to be next to Mas Darwin. Although, I know there is no special feeling in his heart for me.

We are now ready for the flight. The flight attendant gave a briefing on the plane. Darwin put a seatbelt on me because I didn't have my seatbelt on. Again I thought he was paying attention to me.

Then the flight began. The plane trembled slightly as it was about to start climbing up, scaring me enough. Then, without me realizing I was holding on to Mas Darwin's arm sitting beside me.

He looked up and said, "Are you scared?"

I realized I was holding so tightly to his sturdy arm. "I'm sorry, Mom," I said, letting go of my grip. "I've just been on a plane this time."

"It's just a little bit of a spike to make the plane fly high" said Mas Darwin. "Let's see the window!"

I looked out the window beside me. It turned out that our plane was high in the air, leaving the land of Palembang City which was getting smaller and smaller.

-----