Thaha
One-third Night

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I walked straight into the room, pervading every second of slow, second-by-second time adding to the growing uneasiness inside the chest

the journey to the room feels heavier than usual as if climbing a rocky hill that every step requires more oxygen for energy supply

heavy breathing that blows as if to be proof of how heavy the burden in the mind that is not spoken

arriving at the room I quickly threw myself on the bed, tried to bury my face between the pillows and tried to calm my muscles that had been strongly attracted, hoping for a moment to feel calm, calm, and calm, although in reality the anxiety is still spoiled

after I felt enough, I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the clock that was now at the end of the night, a very appropriate time to pour all complaints and anxiety on the substance that is able to provide solutions in every problem

dzat who is able to guide in the dark passage without light, dzat who is able to guide his creatures to the bright light, only he, he, a true lover who will always be there and always love every servant when another human being forgets him

the night water that touched my skin felt cold and fresh, as if every drop was able to melt every tension that inhabited my facial muscles

the calmness slowly greeted, erasing little by little the lines of anxiety that had been hanging in the mind

I spread out the shabby little rug, stood facing the Qibla slowly raising my hands and calling out its glorious name, in every huddle and bow I made

my chest churned joyfully enjoying every second that I passed as I chanted every verse of do'a spoken out, permeating every meaning of my lafadz-lafadz expression of love for her, and permeate the scope of his affection and love in the shade of his sturdy Arsy

her forgiveness and grace is everything I need, with her I live and her love is the ultimate goal I want to achieve

in my heart whimpering at every flash of events I have gone through tonight, tears welled up as my face touched the carpet that lay before me

I whispered to the earth hoping that the night wind would deliver every temple of my love letter to the heavens, he is the all-hearing God, though I chanted in my heart, God will know every word that is in my silence

time seemed to pass quickly as if the minutes passed like a matter of seconds

at the end of my fortune I asked for his guidance, asking God to give me the best choice, so that God would bring good to me and keep away the evil that would befall me

the ugliness that would draw me away from it, I would not be able to get far from it, what would I live for if I were to be far from it, without the world and its contents I could still live, the origin of God is on my side, but no matter how beautiful my life and wisdom whatever the pleasures of the world I get when God is far from me, my life seems dead and empty, that vacuum will stretch out more and more before me, and that darkness will fill that empty space

just like this time, when I complained to her, my heart felt calm and airy

when I say "O Allah, I ask you for guidance with your knowledge, I ask you for strength with your strength, I ask you with your glory.

Verily You are the One who predestines and the servant is not able to do so. You are the All-Knowing, and the Servant is not. You are the one who knows the great things.

O Allah, if You know that tomorrow's marriage is good for the servant in the affairs of the world and in the hereafter the servant, good for religion, livelihood, and the end of the affairs of the servant, then do it for the servant, make it easy and bless him for the servant of O Allah,

if You know that it is bad for the servant, for the religion, for the livelihood, and for the end of the servant's business, both for the servant in the affairs of the world and for the hereafter, then save him from the servant, do not do the best for the servant anywhere so that the servant is pleased with him

robbi, only to you I beg and ask Allah for guidance, so guide this restless heart to the line of destiny that will draw you closer, O Allah"

the quiver of tranquility flowed downhill, wiping out any inflamed bumps, replacing them with a sense of security, safety because I was sure God would choose what was best for me, and sure that God will not let me get caught in the dark

I did not go straight up to the top of the bed, but stepped up to take a love letter that I did not tire of reading, because when reading it as if I read the love verse of my true lover, from him the owner of this heart

as I was reading Thaha verse 46, there was a knock on the door of the room, I closed my reading and rushed to the door of the room, where Rama was standing with a shady look

"Zu hasn't slept...?"

I'm sure Rama already knew that tonight I wouldn't be able to sleep well, isn't that why Rama knocked on the door of the room.?.?, as for Rama's question just now, I'm sure it's just a moment for me

"yet Ma, Zu can't sleep"

I tried to show a calm face as possible with a slight smile to calm Rama, because even though Rama looked calm I believe the events of tonight was enough to make him surprised and worried

after saying that Rama walked slowly to the family room, there was already a mother waiting

I took a deep breath and exhaled it a little hard

in my heart I chant "bismillah" and hope that with this my heart will grow stronger

after some coincidence or other, my recitation of the Qur'an stopped in Thaha verse 46, and I was sure that God would accompany my steps, and will give ease to every best path that God has destined for me

"Don't you both worry, I'm with you both, I hear and I see"

it was as if the verse kept ringing in my mind, until without feeling my feet were near my mother

I sat there holding my mother as usual while Rama sat on the other side

"Zu, Louis had already explained to Rama about the incident that happened to Zu and Louis, and he also conveyed his good intentions to ask Zu, what according to Zu....?"

Rama asked with his gentle tone, but I could hear the prudence of every word spoken

"has Rama received his proposal..?"

this was the first time I heard his name, a very foreign name in my ears, just like he was still a stranger to me

"Rama has not answered, Rama is still waiting for Zu's answer, if Zu Ridho, Rama will tell Louis tomorrow at dawn, and vice versa, if Zu refuses, if Zu refuses, Rama will help Zu to cancel the wedding tomorrow"

rama's words full of protection carried a sense of heat that propagated in my eyes, until without feeling the clear crystal grains flowed into a stream that stretched across my cheeks

"ko' even cry anyway, Rama asked that, Zu wants to be with Louis...? or not...?"

mother asked with a hand that gently stroked my trembling back

"let's just say, Rama will not force or Rama will not encourage Zu to accept, Rama had asked Curriculum Vitae short Louis, Zu just learn first, just study, earlier Rama also gave Curriculum Vitae Zu for Louis to study, in the Lord Louis will come at dawn to ask for answers, Zu prayed to God and asked for his instructions, in God whatever decision Zu makes, Rama and Mother will always lead Zu to the best choices for Zu, God willing"

after Rama ended his words, my cries grew so much that I had to hide my face deeper into my mother's arms

"don't cry, Zu better take ablution and continue to teach him, don't forget to learn Curriculum Vitae Louis and pray a lot for guidance to Allah, so that Allah lightens every step of Zu"

I tried to hold back my tears, but my tears instead of stopping were rushing so hard that my mother's veil was wet with my tears

"already, cup"

mother rubbed my tears that were still flowing with her warm handkerchief that always calmed my anxiety, I cried not out of anxiety, she said, but I wept because God had so much favor on me

gratitude for the family favors that God gave me, how wise Rama and mother faced the problems tonight

if this was a drama or a novel I was not sure if I could still sit quietly and comfortably in my lap, or even now I might have been lurking on the outskirts of the figure with the swift rain and the rigors of lightning that struck with its blinding glint

I am grateful that I am not in the female lead position in a novel or in a movie full of tragic and happy stories at the end of the episode

"yes, Zu entered the room first, Mom, Ma, want to read first, Rama sent in an email or text file...?"

I am still trying to wipe away my tears that can't stop

"Rama send to Email Zu"

after saying goodbye I stepped into the room, my heart again thumped loud rama said

whether Curriculum Vitae is like what is written there, I instead thought about Curriculum Vitae which is commonly used to apply for work or commonly used for pickle-show seminars to introduce the filler material

thinking about it made me smile because it felt a little funny, as if he was trying to apply for a job instead of applying for girls people, mas prospective husband is something!

'all right let's see what he wrote there'

...~*TBC**~...

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