Winter in Hokkaido
Chapter 22 part 1: Again

I decided to go back to Indonesia for a few days. Transit in Jakarta for two nights, then go to Bali to visit the graves of my parents. If they were still around, I wouldn't feel like this. I will have a clear purpose when I crave tranquility and comfort.

My uncle invited me home, but he asked me to come back and stay with him. Previously, I did not think of setting foot again to Mother Earth any time soon. However, the problem comes in a row without giving a pause to breathe.

Once in Indonesia, I promise I won't see Dave. My goal is not to continue the passions that have been stirred. I wanted to find a peace of life that might be scattered between Japan and Indonesia. Even though I don't know the shape of those pieces of tranquility.

Another reason I went to the Motherland was that I was very sure Add would come to me in the near future. The terror has given the signal.

Huh! Sometimes I miss the childhood. A time where getting love without questioning love itself. No crying took days. No mind has been shackled for weeks. Every day is a new day.

“Ken said yes, Uncle,” I said while holding back tears.

My uncle hugged me. “Uncle knows you are saving a big problem. Uncle won't force you to tell a story if you don't want to. Uncle just hope you don't forget that you still have a family that will always be there for you. There's still us. There's Aunt Ayane, Uncle Yamamoto, there's Keigo too.”

The atmosphere became haru, especially when I saw Uncle wiping his tears.

“It’s okay, Uncle. Ken just misses Mom and Dad. Ken wants to visit their tomb. It's been a while since Ken didn't visit them.”

Unstoppable, my tears fell. All flavors are mixed in one container. Longing for parents, annoyance with yourself, and bitter sense of heart problems that never dim. I've never been this emotional in front of Uncle.

“Ken, for Uncle, Ken was already like Uncle's own son. Unfortunately, Uncle can't run your parents' trust to take care of you.” Uncle cried while holding me.

“Uncle, don't talk like that. Now it's time for Ken to take care of Uncle. Ken also went only a week.”

Uncle hugged me tighter. Like he didn't want me to leave. I've never felt Uncle as sad as this before.

“Be careful on the road huh, Ken. Don't forget to call Uncle when you arrive in Jakarta!”

“Definitely, Uncle.”

There aren't many words I can say anymore. I hope that the problems that have happened to me can be resolved well.

Along the way to the airport I called Bibi to let me go back to Indonesia first. Aunt asked me why I was coming home. Same with the answer to Uncle, I was wanting to visit the tomb of Father and Mother, I said.

However, Aunt sounded dissatisfied with my statement. He kept asking. He said whether it had anything to do with romance or with Mayumi. After I said no. Then Auntie agreed I'd hang up.

Mayumi is very good. No wonder Uncle Yamada and Aunt Ayane really wish I was a match for him. In a normal mind, I am adopting the goodness and beauty of Mayumi. It's just that my heart is not used to accepting others. Not used or not yet. I don't know!

Actually, I don't want to be shackled by this kind of feeling to Dave. Such a deep sense of strength. The feeling of wanting to always be in his arms.

Unfortunately, I can't ask him for any certainty either. He wants to be as friendly as ever. Obviously I can't. I want more than that. I want him to love me like he loves his wife.

You idiot! It's very unlikely that it happened. Dave shares his love or chooses between me and Fay. Aplaaak!!! I slapped my cheek hard. Trying to wake myself up to be realistic and accept the path that Dave has chosen. I should have supported her if I really loved her.

Then, a man from the airport approached. At first I was surprised to see him suddenly in front of me, it turns out he was just asking if my condition was okay. I soon realized that maybe he saw the time I slapped my cheek. I also said that I was swatting a mosquito.

Long travel time from Japan to Indonesia this time does not feel boring. Yeah, 'cause I slept pretty good on the plane. At least, it makes me lucky. When the eyes are opened, the mind is filled with burden.

After many hours in space, it finally landed on earth. The cloud welcomed me back to Indonesia. It seemed to be quipping my mood.

Hah, set foot again in Jakarta. But somehow it feels a little foreign, but nothing has changed from this city. Everything is the same except for my heart..

I want to get to the apartment soon. I miss my bed there too. My uncle and aunt advised me to rent or sell my apartment. However, I don't want to. I still need a place to go, even though I don't want to bring up memories.

The apartment I lived in until now was a gift from my father when I went to college. A place that has held a wonderful memory for many years that I must forget. It's hard to bury history by diverting my apartment to someone else.

“Ken... Good morning, how are you?” My heart is pounding. I was shocked when I opened the apartment door, someone greeted me.

“Oh... Morning, Aunt Selly! Morning too, Om Syakir!”  They hugged me right after I said hello.

Aunt Selly and Om Syakir were my father's college friends. My apartment was purchased along with theirs. Dad said Aunt Selly recommended it. But after being ready to live, Aunt Selly followed Om Syakir to Beijing, China. Then, the apartment was rented out to someone else. Every year always change residents, only half this year they occupy.

“Where is Ken, how long has Om not seen you?”

“Two months Ken to Uncle Yamada's place. This is also Ken going home for a while, after that back there again.”

“Oh, jeez..” Aunt Selly looked surprised. I was surprised to see his response. “Uncle Yamada? Your mother's sister in Japan?”

“Iya.”

“Kok Aunty heard the time in the lobby you want to Germany?”

“Not that time Ken answered clearly yes if Ken wants to go to Japan.” I reminded him while smiling.

“Aduuuuh..” Aunt Selly patted her forehead. “This is how old people disease. Easy to forget, continued hearing is either not good or lack of focus. Aunt heard it German. Aunty does not remember that you still have family in Japan. Aunt feels guilty.”

“Taste of guilt why Auntie?”

“There are your friends who are looking for you here, Auntie told you to Germany.”

I nodded, a sign that I was not concerned about it.

“Mah, let's go! Don't talk to Ken first! He just arrived, he's still tired. Let Ken see!” Om Syakir looked anxious to see his wife who invited me to chat.

“Iya..iya... Sorry yes, Ken. Ordinary parents want to work alone must be accompanied to below”, said Aunt Selly who seemed to tease her husband.

“Om work first yes, Ken. Let's have a chat later. Long time no talk with young people.”

“Iya, Om. Careful!”

Looking at the two of them, remembering me to Mom and Dad. Had they still existed, it would probably have remained as romantic as Om Syakir and Aunt Selly.

Om Syakir and Aunt Selly have two children, all boys. The first child was named Prada and the second was named Praja. I used to think they were twins because they were similar. Though Prada was three years above me, while Praja was only three months older than me.

I had a school with them in Elementary, and a class with Praja. But only one year, because they continue to move to various countries following the work of their parents. Prada lives in Washington DC and is married. Praja is currently pursuing her doctoral studies in London.

In the past, Father and Mother also asked me to continue my master's studies abroad. They suddenly offered me a ticket to London to survey my campus and residence. I flew there too.

While in London I was accompanied by Praja. He helped me enroll in his college. But when you want to take the entrance exam, Dad told me about the health condition of Mom drop. I went straight back to Indonesia. Mom passed away shortly after struggling with lung cancer. Even before I went to England, Mom's condition had improved, and was undergoing treatment at home.

For years, my mother had been diagnosed with lung cancer. Me and Dad only found out after Mom often vomited blood which turned out to be severe.

After Mom died, Dad was devastated. Dad often daydreams, and does not focus on work. Slowly Dad started getting sick. I have expressed my intention to continue my studies. Taking care of my dad was more important that time. Moreover, I was previously negligent in taking care of Mom. I'm too busy in my world, and it's only when Mom's on medication.

Now, even if it wasn't in London like Dad and Mom wanted, I would continue my studies in Japan. I will also find a job there to finance my life. Although Uncle and Aunt continue to offer to finance my studies and life wherever I want, but I have grown up – I do not want to trouble anyone.

Besides me going to college, Mom and Dad wanted me to get married. They fear that I will live in loneliness.

Feeling lonely often sneaks into my life. But precisely because so often hit by these feelings, I became accustomed. I sometimes don't need the presence of others because trauma is left behind. I'm sorry, Mom and Dad, I haven't thought about getting married.