Winter in Hokkaido
Chapter 3 part 1: Decision

Fay's been home for a week now to his parents' house. Every time I go there, he always refuses to see me. Even her mother asked me to leave her alone first. I don't know if my wife told me what happened when I slapped her or not. But seeing the attitude of his mother and father did not mention our quarrel, it seems Fay has not told.

I called him many times and he never responded. Is Fay very angry? He still doesn't want to see my face. My mind keeps raging.

I was confused to think of a way so that Fay – at least – would listen to my explanation in advance about the events of that time. I regretted losing control to let my palm land on her sweet cheek.

After work I immediately lay down on the bed, ready to sleep to forget this moment of fatigue. Suddenly, my phone rings. I was hoping it was a call from Fay. My hopes were not in line, it turned out Ken yeng called.

“Sorry if I disturb,” he said after I put the phone in the ear.

“What's up, Ken?”

“Fay, still not home?” he asked with his voice weakened.

“Not yet,” my answer is flat.

“I'm sorry yes. Maybe it's all because of my fault.”

“Already, Ken. It's my household problem. You don't have to think about it.”

“But...” Ken sounds inadmissive.

“We don't need to talk about that first, Ken. I beg!”

“Iya, Dave. Again, I'm sorry. Oh yeah, we'll meet yuk tomorrow. Many things I want to talk about?”

“Can't, Ken. Tomorrow I plan to see Fay back,” subtly reject me.

“Then, I'm coming with you. Hows it? Maybe I can help explain.”

“Sorry, Ken. I'll go alone.” I'm not sure if Ken's going to get better, the opposite is more likely.  “Sorry Ken, I'm tired of just getting home from work. I want to rest first.” I ended the phone call.

This time the problem is complicated. During the year of marriage, this was the first quarrel until Fay chose to return to her parents' house. I remember more and more asking me to choose between him or Ken. Should it be like that?

I think Fay asked me to invite Ken to lunch together, because he wanted to fix his relationship with my best friend. In fact, he was so brutally showing dislike towards Ken. My wish for Fay to be friends with Ken seems like it would just be wishful thinking.

I woke up late, because all night of my sleep was constantly disturbed by many thoughts. Time has shown at over 10:00. I'm getting ready to meet Fay. I will never give up on bringing her back to this house.

Hope Fay wants to see me today. Got to! I should be able to talk to him. I can't let this matter drag on. Fay, know I'm so tormented without you. I love you so much.

As he was about to pull out the car and was ready to leave, someone was seen in front of the house. A person so familiar that it requires me to go down for a moment.

“What's up, Ken?” many surprised.

“I'm coming?” the door with a slightly pale face.

“Ken, sorry, yesterday I told you that I went alone.”

“I feel very guilty, because I have a hand in your problem.” She ngeyel and pleaded while holding my hand, like a whining child wanting to go with her parents. His hand made me feel a little awkward.

“Ken, you better just go home and rest yes. I think you need a break.” I still tried to resist subtly. If Ken comes along, Fay could get even more misunderstood.

I left Ken stunned. He looks at me softly. But a few steps later, I stopped. Ken's two hands suddenly slipped on my waist. That really surprised me. He also put his face on my shoulder. What's the matter? I tried to let go of his embrace, but he hugged me even harder.

“Ken, can you please release your hand for a moment!” I asked subtly while trying to let go of her hands that were interlocked with each other in my body. It's not the first time she's hugged me, but it's the first time I've felt so uncomfortable.

Ken let go of his embrace. “I never thought your wife was so jealous of me. However, I also don't want to lose you.”

When I turned back, tears were clearly visible in both corners of her eyes. Ah, why is it like this? Why Ken was suddenly like this. Don't-don't…. No, I can't think about that. My focus right now is getting Fay back into this house.

“We've been friends for a long time. Even you said, I'm already like your sibling, right? You promised me that if you marry later you will never leave me. We are friends until anytime. Aren't you, Dave?” lirih.

“Ken, right now I just want to solve my problem with my wife first. That's it.” I held onto Ken's shoulder as a gesture begging him to understand and better just go home.

“Are you going to leave me?” Ken is still asking questions that make me uncomfortable.

“I don't know yet, Ken. I'm leaving already. You just go home, please!.”

“What if I really love you?” He was a little screaming.

“Sorry, I have to go.” I don't want to buy time to see Fay.

When I started the car, Ken seemed reluctant to leave my house.  “Ken, for now, please don't meet me first. Thanks!”

I'm not waiting for Ken's approval of my request. Immediately I stepped on the gas pedal and released the clutch. Speed of the car slowly. I just want to solve the problems that greet my life one by one.

Once at my in-laws' house, it turns out Fay isn't around. My mother-in-law said she was going to her friend's house. I decided to wait until he came home.

“Excuse Fay's attitude yes, Dave! We're used to spoiling him. So when he was married, his attitude was still a little childish,” said my mother-in-law while offering coffee.

“Dave also apologizes to Mom if you can't fully guide Fay.” I feel ashamed of my mother-in-law. It seems clear Fay did not tell the tragedy of “penamparan” to his parents.

“Mother and Father every day always advises Fay to go home. However, Fay says it takes time here and wants to calm down first. I know you're a good husband. Fay only who is sometimes very stubborn.” Mother Fay's tone made me feel guilty. He was more on my side.

“Fay might be a little misunderstood. You are so handsome, smart, and kind that it is no wonder many women approach, even though they know you are married. But Mother and Father are sure, you are loyal and impossible to play our son.” Now I'm being praised. “When you come to ask for our only daughter, we have no doubt to leave it to you. Because Fay said he loved you so much, and so did you.”

I'm embarrassed because I can't take care of Fay. If my in-laws knew I had slapped his son, they probably wouldn't even want to see me. At this point, I felt like I had failed in my faith.

There's no reply I can say. Just restless waiting for my wife to come home.

“Mother is cooking. You just wait a minute! I'll talk to Fay again if he's home.” From then on I just nodded and nodded. “Tadi Fay said just want to go for a while, but until now has not come home too.”

“Iya, Mom. Dave will wait for Fay to come home.”

“Or Mom just call ya so Fay quickly go home?”

“Not done, Mom. Later if Fay finds out Dave is here instead he does not want to go home.”

“Already, relax! I won't tell you here.” I also follow. I was so excited to see his kindness.

During the week of bed separation with Fay, my mother-in-law called or texted me every day asking about my condition. They have trusted me to leave their daughter so I can take care and guide them. I don't want to rent them out (again).

Then, I unknowingly fell asleep on the sofa, and woke up to the sound of a car parked in front of the house. It looks like Fay. I immediately went to the source of the voice, making sure that what came was really my beloved wife. I should be able to get in her way before she goes into the room to avoid me again.

Looks like my mother-in-law is pulling Fay into the house. “What the hell did Mom tell me to go home quickly?” Ask Fay with a confused face. I don't know what my mother-in-law said to Fay to get home.

“Fay, I don't want you to keep dodging like this. Whatever the problems in your household, you should talk carefully with your husband.” My mother-in-law tried so hard to get Fay to talk to me.

I immediately approached my wife and held her right hand, “Fay, please give me a chance to explain.”

Fay didn't bully me. Then, his mother chimed in on my words. “Fay, every day your husband comes here. He is waiting for you to hear his explanation. Please speak carefully about your problems!” Both of my mother-in-law's eyes looked bright. “Fay, son Good mother. Fay can't be like this. Fay has a husband. Fay has to be more mature. Fay must be willing to listen to the husband's explanation before deciding on a problem. Please take your husband to the room.  You need to speak calmly from heart to heart.” As her mother spoke, I occasionally saw Fay trying to wipe away the water that had fallen in both corners of her eyes.

Fay's willing to take me to his room to talk. At least I'm starting to feel relieved.

“So what's your decision, Mas?” Having just entered the room, Fay had already aggressively asked.

I didn't answer that question, because I knew he meant I had to choose between him or my best friend. I don't want to dissolve continuously with the discussion.

I tried to hug Fay to melt the longing. However, he tried to let go. I miss the smell of his body. I miss kissing her soft lips.

After struggling long enough to maintain a hug, Fay returned my embrace. His face was resting on my chest. The warm tears went through my skin. That means his ego has already begun to melt.

“I love you so much, Mas,” he said a little sobbing.

The tears that were dripping down my body and the light made me remember what happened this morning. No, I can't think of Ken just yet. I was with my wife.

“Mas loves you very much too, Fay,” replies to me while kissing her forehead.

Raised head. I cleaned up the rest of the crying on his face. Then I touched her lips with mine. She looked resigned and relished when I smashed the lipstick on her lips. Slowly and steadily, my hands began to strip off his clothes one by one.

He hugged me with warmth. The tighter he hugs, the more I don't want to let go.

***

Life began to go back to normal. Smiles and jokes colored our day as usual. I'll make sure there won't be another big fight like yesterday. There's no way I'm letting go of a woman as beautiful and as good as Fay.

“Later tonight what to eat, Mas?” ask Fay while arranging the dishes for breakfast.

“Hmmm, whatever you cook that I eat,” my god.

Fay threw a smile in response to my answer. How happy to see his smile in the morning. The sign was that he had forgotten what happened that time. Everyone makes mistakes, and I will never repeat the same mistakes. I will always try to avoid something that could trigger conflict in this household. A household I hope will be the last port of my life.

I told my wife that I wasn't defending Ken at the time. I was just defending him. I don't want him to have negative thoughts about other people. But my way is wrong. I shouldn't have given her a hand stamp to show her affection.

***

The clock shows lunch time. Clockwise turns are not felt when working energetically. Asik, come home soon. I can't wait to enjoy dinner together with Fay that I didn't feel a few days ago.

The ringing of a cell phone broke my imagination. I already know who's calling.

“Honey, the food I made do not forget to eat ya!” The ink is spoiled from behind the virtual screen.

“I want you to bribe.” It hasn't been so long.

“Pas already want to eat video call again, later I bribe. Hehe...” There was a small laughing voice that was so crisp.

“Hem...”.

As I enjoyed my spawning period back with my wife, an office boy called. “Pak…. Sorry, Mr.”

I also gave the code by swinging lips without sound to the office boy to wait a while.

“For a minute yes, Honey!” I'm holding down the phone with Fay.

“Someone wants to meet with Father. The person is waiting in the office lobby,” said the OB.

“OK. Thank you!”

After delivering the message, the OB passed away.

“Honey, I'll call again ya.” I had to cut off my phone with my wife. It could be that someone in question OB is waiting for me is an important client.

“Iya. But the food was spent huh, sweetheart!”

“Iya.” I closed the phone too.

When I got to the lobby, I could not find anyone who seemed to be waiting. I take my eyes to another corner. Looks like someone I know very well is standing with a restless gesture. He stood up while making a small round of steps.

I just walked over and greeted him, “What's wrong?”

“I want to say something.” The look on his face depicts the communion between anxiety and sadness.

“Ya, please!.”

“But it can't be here, Dave.” He tried to grab my hand, but I managed to dodge. “We chat in regular place yes. While having lunch. I beg!”

“Then, I'm sorry, I can't.” I promised Fay I'd limit my meeting with Ken. Ken is my only friend, but Fay is my first priority. I could have lied to him, but one day he'll know too. It will only worsen our domestic relationship.

There's no choice but to keep your distance from Ken. To be honest, I'm not comfortable doing this. But this is life, we will always be faced with choices.

“Why is that so, Dave?” Ken slowly began to shed tears. I looked around, fortunately the employees were having lunch in the cafeteria. Why is Ken so sensitive? No, I should be able to defend my decision.

“Sorry yes, Ken. Looks like we don't have to see each other again. I already have a new life. Not that I don't think of you. But yes it was, we do not need to meet again.” It's hard enough to say that.

“Why? Your wife asked for it? Your wife forbid, because she hates me so much? Why is it like this? What mistakes did I make?” Ken blindly asked the question.

“Please Ken don't bring my wife. It's my decision.” I try not to look him in the face. I can't see anyone crying in front of me. “May you understand if we can't meet like we used to. I already have a new life. Sorry, if there's nothing else you want to talk about, I'm back in my office.”

I immediately turned around without waiting for confirmation from Ken, because the sentence I was actually throwing was just a formality. I don't want to have a private conversation in the office. But after a few steps I walked, Ken shouted, “So you cut this relationship?”

The words he shouted made me pause for a moment. A connection? Friendship is what he meant?! For me there is no breaking up in friendship, it's just that life is always spinning and putting us with new priorities.

I kept leaving him even though my name still resonated until I got into the elevator. It's in the office. I don't want to be a spectacle for my colleagues here.

I leaned against the chair and straightened both feet under the table. Just yesterday I had calmed down and started to forget, but Ken instead gave me no room to take a break from this situation.

The question my wife always asks about Ken is getting stronger in my mind. Did Ken really have more feelings than just my best friend? If so, maybe all this time I myself caused that feeling? So, Ken is….? No, I can't be prejudiced against my best friend. Let time answer this anxiety.

Lunch time is almost over. I opened the supplies that Fay prepared. Ah, my taste has drastically reduced. Fay would be mad if I didn't eat the stuff he made. I could have thrown it away and said I spent it with nothing left, but I didn't want to get used to the lies. More lying to people who love me.