LOVE IN TASBIH DETAILS
CHAPTER 2. FLASHBACK BRAM

In a shunt, almost numb foot step, Bram comes out of the apartment. His heartache was beyond anything he had ever known, to the point that he didn't know where his body was taking him. The sky is still dark, the cold weather is piercing in the rainy season, the end of the year.

Bram just kept driving with his empty heart, no longer understanding the direction just keep walking with his car.

The car that Bram was driving stopped in front of a mosque not much at one end of the road, across an alley, a road that Bram did not recognize.

The sound of sholawat chanting sounding melodious from the mosque toa, suddenly made Bram amazed. The car just stopped.

The sholawat felt familiar in his ears evoked a tickling longing at one time, momentarily closed his eyes, remembering where he had heard it so often.

Beni's Room!

Yes, in Beni's room his eldest son who had died, from inside the room he often heard sholawat tone that was so sweet and slashing every before dawn.

Then, she came home in the early hours, very upset by the sound of the chanting, and in her find, Diah was sitting in her prostration in a clean white face, chanting sholawat under Beni's bed who was sound asleep in her pain.

In curiosity he peeked at the wife, who was so eloquent in saying verse by verse, then perform tahajjud prayer that he never once did except when he was home with his parents and his mother woke him up to sahur then so that he did not sleep again, his mother chanted sholawat before praying.

The memories were leaping, carrying Bram's feet down from his car, in the bright mosque at dawn, Bram was like hearing Diah's voice chanting the same sholawat, so melodious, clear, clear, slathering and heartbreaking.

Bram's eyes unconsciously looked at his watch, three o'clock late, the day before dawn.

Shaking like a long-lost traveler, he found himself cleaning his body in a tap next to the mosque.

What moved him barefoot and trembling body, he climbed the steps of the mosque, entering it like he was looking for something.

In the middle of the brightly lit room of the mosque, he felt his knees wobble, he fell there right facing a mihrab.

There was no Diah there, the sholawat came from a playable recording, before someone voiced the dawn prayer.

Bram was completely knocked down, with tears of money flowing profusely could no longer be kept.

A sense of anger, sadness, regret and fear coalesced with him.

Now, only in his realization, how far his steps were lost, how long he was dissolved in sin and vile so that hoping to find Diah chanting sholawat in his ear was impossible.

"Yes...Allahs...Yaaa...Allaaah..." The first time after a long time he had mentioned that sentence, his lips trembled to call out to God, who felt so far away from him.

Not because God left him, but himself left God.

Somehow, someone had stood on the mihrab, voicing the adhan in a loud and clear voice.

Bram did not know what to do, except prostrate behind the man, after which he did not move like a statue. He only knew, his tears just came down, he said,

I do not know how long he did not enter the mosque, I do not know how long he had died praying, even he almost forgot what to do, what to say.

Bram was drowning in the feelings of harrum and longing that he was so difficult to explain, the shame that could not be described because he felt himself so dirty to be in this sacred place.

A gentle pat on his shoulder, resuscitated his daydream.

"Welcome to the house of God, my son..." The simple old man with a peci on his head, his shabby but clean scabbard wrapped his squeaky body, greeted Bram with a soft voice.

He was standing in front of the Adhan, now sitting next to Bram with a sincere friendly smile.

"When our hearts are not calm, our souls are in doubt, to the house of the Lord is the right place we complain.you have come to the right house, son." Continue so calmly.

"I am a dirty man...God will curse me..." Said Bram stammering, the will moved away, but the skinny hand held him, actually so light and frail but made Bram as if he was held by a boulder.

"Every human being in the world, every child of Adam must be wrong and no one is clean from sin, but the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent." The father said slowly but was able to make Bram as hypnotized to hear it.

"It is never too late to ask God for forgiveness, it may be that the sun is still rising tomorrow, but not necessarily with us, is it still a chance to see it again or to lose time for it, then if your heart is moved, repent today, before it is too late."

Bram was stunned to look at the father, not to be separated again. It was as if he was telling with his eyes and the look of his face, about his shattered state.

"You want peace? You seek where the best place to settle every problem is, let's put your forehead on the ground, talk to Him and express all your heart, regret it with a sincere intention to repent." Bram's hard heart was instantly melted when that series of sentences.

"Will God accept my repentance? I've been acting crazy for most of my life?" Bram asked in a raucous voice, like a child so desperate and frightened.

"When we wallow in true filth we are digging our way to suffering, only repentance can cancel our journey to it.

No matter how dark our past may be, no matter how dark our life history may be, God never rejects our every repentance, never doubting the greatness of God's heart in giving forgiveness.

True repentance not only ceases to do mischief, but also turns toward goodness and keeps the intention of staying on the path of that good..." The old man looked at Bram with a warm look.

"How do I know if God accepts me...?"

"The Imam Shafi'i once said, I see my sins as being so great. But when I compare with Your forgiveness, Your forgiveness is far greater. My son, believe that Allah is forgiving and forgiving." The old father who even Bram himself did not know his name.

A moment of gripping silence, Bram was stunned in front of this gentle-faced father.

"Son, let's pray..." Invite later.

"But..." Bram hesitated for a moment.

"Why? are you not a Muslim?" The question struck Bram's heart.

Bram nods his head off.

"But I've long since abandoned him.I may forget." Bram replied with a red face, how embarrassed he was to say that sentence.

For a moment, the old man frowned, a little astonished but in no way showing that he was questioning Bram.

"You've been ablution, son?" Ask the father gently.

"It." Replied Bram while nodding firmly.

"Son, you just forgot, but what was taught in childhood will be stored in our memory, I will guide you to remind you of the beauty of prayer..."

Bram blinked his puffy eyes, his head nodding like a child who was following his father.

As he felt trapped in a very black circle of hell, the voice of Diah who was shahdu in his sholawat as if calling him home on the road he had long left and the hand of the old man sent by God pulled him slowly.

(this is a flashback footage of a chapter in the novel marrying my Brother's Fiancee, as the beginning of Bram's life change. It is highly recommended to read the novel to be more connected and get to know what Bram was like in life before this flashback chapter)

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