LOVE IN TASBIH DETAILS
CHAPTER 6. DON'T ASK HIM BACK

“I have failed as a husband from the beginning I said Kabul ijab with Diah, I have failed to be a father since I forced Diah to abort my son, I have failed in all things. I admit it and I will be held accountable someday before God, because I have failed in the past.” Bram held his breath which suddenly hunted.

“But the mother who always demanded me to defend Diah even though she knew it was torturing Diah, the mother who forced Diah to stay even though she knew she couldn't anymore, I'm sorry to say it, mother as an in-law also had a hand in making Diah suffer."

The old woman's eyes did not blink looking at Bram, her son rarely spoke much but today he saw Bram so fiery.

“Do you really love the woman who became your mistress? To the extent that you feel that your divorce with Diah is what you want.” Mama Bram's voice became sharp. The highlight showed deep disappointment. Until now he still can not accept Diah's divorce with Bram, although to prevent him he no longer has the power. Diah is very insistent and Bram grants it. As a parent who deeply regretted the separation, Mama Bram felt very devastated.

“I'm not talking about anyone other than what's best for both of us, me and Diah.”

“Mama will never approve if you will marry your mistress! Until you die, you won't approve."

“I won't marry her! Mama don't have to worry.” Bram's face converged, the shadow of the last night he met Sally immediately flashed like a ghost train, passing in front of his eyes. The pain ambushed all the way to the marrow, he felt himself completely losing his price due to the event.

“then what do you want by divorcing Diah, if you won't marry someone else? “

“I want Diah happy.” The answer was short but made Mama Bram momentarily stunned to look at her son. Something he'd never heard before if Bram really wished for his wife's happiness.

Their marriage was not through arranged marriage, but a couple was like two people who could never come together, they were so foreign to each other. Bram is so careless towards Diah while Diah is too scared when dealing with Bram.

Mama and Papa Bram agreed to the sudden marriage because Diah came to them with a cry and carried the blood of Bram's flesh in her womb.

Mama Bram is not very close to Diah but she loves her grandchildren very much, Bram is also a child that is very dear to her, he said, a little too much during this time they were too soft on Bram and impressed to let Bram betray his marriage back-times at the expense of Diah's feelings.

“Since when do you care about Diah's happiness? You left her many times, you cheated on her and never once tried to listen to your parents for the sake of the woman you've been dating. Now you blame mama who hopes you guys don't get divorced, mama just don't want your granddaughter separated from mama.”

“I divorced Diah, because I wanted to free her from our marriage that had been falling apart since the beginning. Mama guess I don't feel sick about our divorce? But as much as I or my mom or anyone outside our circle of relationships, Diah was the sickest person. The longer I think for some time now, after our divorce, I feel grateful that I made the right decision by divorcing her. At least I did not prolong her suffering by remaining as my wife.”

Mama Bram stared at Bram, all this time he had never heard his son was considering the feelings of others other than his own feelings.

The question was thrown by Bram with a low volume but Mama Bram felt like he had just been stabbed hard. He stared fixedly at Bram, he was stunned by the sadness and resignation that now emanated in the face of his son who had been so stubborn and always behaving as he wanted. Bram looked different, he had changed, like it wasn't Bram he knew all along.

“Bram..mama only thinks about the fate of Bella, you will not know the suffering of a child whose parents can no longer be together.”

“Bella will be fine, she is in good hands as long as it is with Diah. I know very well, taka da wife and mother who is as perfect as Diah for my son.” Bram swallowed his saliva, soaking his throat that felt dry. The regret tickled again, though,

“If you know, Diah is a good wife, why did you waste her?” Mama Bram just this time felt like she could talk so much with Bram. In the past, he had only spoken a few sentences, Bram was about to leave, he never listened to anyone else.

“Because at that time, my eyes and heart were dominated by selfishness and evil!”Bram's reply sounded so pitiful, his voice even trembled as he said it.

“Bram...” Mama Bram looked at her son, his turbid face looked almost in disbelief at what he heard. He had no words left, Bram would have ended their debate by showing his mother that he was the root of all his problems and that he had resigned himself to all the risks he now had.

“Mama, Bella will be fine. Although Diah and I are divorced, Bella will still meet you because you are her grandmother, and I am still the father of Bella. Nothing will change, except now that I no longer bind Diah to my status as my wife. He is no longer obligated to serve and listen to me. She won't feel pain anymore, when she looks at my face.” Bram lowered his head deeply, there was a fog hanging in his eye pelvis, he was just trying to hide it. He remembered all of Diah's words, ringing softly in his ears.

“To meet with this belief, I have gone through many nights in my tahajjud. Divorce may not be a good way but it is now the best. I give up, mas. I can't keep comforting my heart, saying I'm strong and okay. No woman in the world can truly be tormented with treason, in duakan, despised and hurt as she has done. I'm tired, mas.and I don't want to be treated like junk” the sentence still feels clear in Bram's ears, when Diah asks for a divorce from him.

“I'm sorry, which to the end can never make you happy with my presence. I no longer want to struggle to plunge myself into futility. I don't blame you for my suffering, because I myself dove into the puddle that I know is mud. Let's end it all, like this wedding never should have happened. I pray, even in different realms, lest we be reunited." And a sentence that haunts even to his sleep until now. That was how disappointed Diah was with him, then where was the gap for him to maintain his household as requested by his mother. Even a million apologies will not bring back the wounds that Bram had inflicted on Diah during their marriage from the very beginning.

Bram grabbed the hand of the mother, who shed her tears, seeing how her son was doing.

“If mom really cares about Diah, never ask her back again.” Lirih.

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