Tone of Nara
Chapter 43 Return to Loss

POV Mahardika

Losing a significant person in our lives is hard and sometimes painful. When that happens, we will feel the world collapsing. We will feel that it is the hardest time in our lives that makes us want to give up. Losing people is important and very meaningful to our soul and heart, making us feel part of our soul and heart also go away from the body. There are even times when this body wants to give up and go with the people we love so much. But the real world is not as easy as a delusion. Our lives are not just about what we want and dream. The real world is the reality we have to face. This is the awareness I feel right now.

When I lost Father and Mother in a horrible way, I was numb for a moment. But after that, I felt the weight of losing them. At that time I was convinced that was the hardest point of my life. And I'm lucky that there are two men who are there and stand by me, at the request of the superhero I call Dad. The one kind, genius and gentle man I call Papa Janu, and the one shadowy man I didn't realize had always been overshadowing me for so long I just called Papa Shasa. Thanks to them I was able to get out of the weight of loss and not be dragged into the dark delusion of longing for Father and Mother. They were both with Agusta and July who then became my pole to keep my life as Mahardika Alexandrovich and not Dika Dirgantara.

But now, that loss is rolling me back in the dark waves that bring the four of us into darkness. Papa Janu is the sun for the house of Mary and its contents, I, July, Agusta and Papa Shasa. Papa Janu's drive last night was like a curtain that covered all the windows of our house and let us

trapped in a dark house without light.

I remember all the stories of Papa Janu and Mama Maria.  I'm back to digesting the journey of life

presenting two people who are very dear to me, Agusta and Juli.  Even their own to know their story, which was told to me. I thought back to the time when I had to get out of Papa Janu's room, after our long conversation. After I was reminded of myself as an Aerospace. I saw how panicked and angry Papa Shasa was at the doctors who were working hard to bring

papa Janu's consciousness is back. I saw how frustrated Papa Shasa was seeing Papa Janu's condition somehow in there. All I heard was Papa Shasa's angry outburst at the doctors who then changed into an angry yell at Papa Janu, then a long, hard cry that hurt and ended in a long silence as Papa Shasa's assistant, brought the man to sit on a long sofa. From far away I saw the despair and sadness that was very deep in Papa Shasa's face. In the meantime the doctors are still busy doing whatever and for what. After a long struggle, Papa Janu regained consciousness right when July and Agusta returned home.

Papa Janu asked the three of us to go into his room after dinner. But before dinner, Papa Shasa called me to his study. He asked me to keep all of our stories and talks for myself this afternoon. No one should know including Agusta and Juli. Whatever happens, only me and Papa Shasa can know and be in control from now on. Papa Shasa asked me to start studying and slowly replace Papa Janu at once one day replace him.

“No, Papa. I'm still too young and I can what?” I said I rejected the idea of replacing Papa Shasa in the organization. I said that if I could never become a mafia like him, let alone kill humans, kill animals I could not bear. Moreover, replacing Papa Janu who is super genius in my opinion. He's also very good at camouflage. With roles and abilities as great as him, how Papa Janu only looks like an ordinary office employee. Me? It can't be doing the same thing.

“Dika, Papa never asked you to be us. Papa Janu knows that you are better than him. Your analysis is more precise and faster, your strategy chart is more precise and accurate. You are an amazing leader. You don't need to step in. I don't doubt your ability to take down opponents your way, not mine. We are confident that you will be able to replace us. In the upper life, be a diligent ordinary young man and a hardworking student. Be the sister who works hard to look after and raise your sister. But in the underworld, you are the substitute Devil Angel Janu and The Boss.

Remember that,” said Papa Shasa.

“But pa, still a long time. It's still far away. I still have a lot to learn. Why should we talk about it now? “ ask of you in wonder. “Papa Janu and Papa Shasa are still there right?”

“Papa not sure, my devil angel will survive tonight.  Poor Papa you endure pain just because

we didn't let it go. I have iklas. Papa knows, our beloved Papa Janu will go first. Papa asked, you are the biggest take care of your brothers. Advertise Papa Janu and continue his work.” Papa Shasa said.

“Bad papa! Papa Janu is definitely cured!” I shouted out loud. I felt as hard as when I saw the explosion. The pain and burden I had just told you was now back.

Papa Shasa hugged me and whispered. “Fun. They are ready to go, do not you make their steps towards immortality heavy. We cannot be selfish. Papa Janu is too sick to stay with us. Papa Shasa can't bear to. “ I'm back to remembering Papa Janu's pale face lately. His breath is always stingy. His whole body is sustained by the machine of life. All sorts of torturous drugs to make him survive. Argha! I'm selfish. I wanted her to always be by my side but I let her be in pain.

“Dika, we're boys. We are the support of this family. We cannot be weak. We can cry and grieve when we are alone or in front of our true love, besides, no!” papa Shasa said as he patted my shoulder.

He took me out to dinner. “Remember Dika, only we can know. Never show who you are and how we are, to anyone at any time.”

At the dinner table, Juli and Agusta tell me what happened today.  Agusta still occasionally said hello

Papa Shasa, but not July. My sister never liked Papa Shasa. According to him, Papa Shasa is an arrogant man who does not know himself who has troubled Papa Janu, making Papa Janu forget Mama Maria. In addition, in her silent diary I read, Juli actually likes the figure of Papa Shasa who is handsome and manly. Unfortunately Papa Shasa never cared about it. For Juli, Papa Shasa is the only man who doesn't praise her and it sucks. She hated. July is like that.

Since childhood, he has always wanted to be the center of everyone's attention. No one can get more than him. Whatever he wants, he always has to get. Papa Janu, Agusta and I always gave up, but they didn't

with Papa Shasa. Even when I was close to some women who liked me, Juli never allowed it. He always drove out the women who came into my life and Agusta. For Agusta, July always said as a twin brother, his blessing that determines who the couple Agusta. For me? Juli always said that I was hers. And I never mind. I'm used to Juli and I love it. Maybe this is called love?

“No, not love Dika. Juli is not your love, but you are consumed by her obsession and your desire to return Janu's favor. Don'tdon't. Free your heart son,” arrived Papa Shasa whispered in my ear, making me bearded. Sometimes this man's ability to read people's minds makes me cringe. I just kept quiet not responding to Papa Shasa's whisper, finishing my dinner. Since long ago, Papa Janu often betrothed me to Juli. Papa Janu always said that I am the one who will keep Juli forever. And this plan always gets fierce opposition and papa Shasa. According to Papa Shasa, I will meet my true love later, and it will not be July. It was precisely July that would break my heart. Papa Janu scolded Papa Shasa for it.

Papa Shasa looked at me sharply as if to remind me. But I don't know what and have to respond to how.

Juli and Agusta who did not know exactly the state of Papa Janu were astonished when the three of us had to meet Papa Janu that night. They only understood that Papa Janu was very sick. But how hard they don't understand. Papa Janu and Papa Shasa are very smart to cover everything. But tonight it's all no more

can cover. Tonight Papa Janu (according to Papa Shasa) decides to go home with Papa Shasa's permission. That's why we all gathered here.

“Hai princcess,” greet Papa Janu weakly. But in my eyes, who saw Papa's condition this afternoon, his condition is now much better. She was seen half-sitting on the bed that Papa Shasa had made especially for her.

“Sst, don't cry. Smile and make Papa happy at the moment. Later after Papa does not see, cry as much. Now, we have to make Papa happy like Papa always smiling and make us happy as hard and as sick as it is,” I whispered to Agusta. Papa Shasa who was beside me, seemed to hear my whisper. He whispered to me while kissing the tip of my head. “Proud of you Son.”

Agusta heard what I said, looking at me. He looked like deep sadness.

“It hurts Papa? Brother already knows? Why didn't you say Agusta?” whispered to me.

“No longer matters Agusta. If you want to be angry later, not now. Brother also just found out about Papa's situation. Papa's just gonna survive tonight. This is a great opportunity with Papa. Poor Papa if you hold the pain too long just because we selfishly hold it. Unleash it. Make Papa happy. Tomorrow, you want to punch big brother, please. But brother please not now,” I said while patting his shoulder. Agusta understands what I mean. My sister is smart and her heart is soft. Very different from his twin who was crying in Papa Janu's arms.

“Eh fat. Why are you crying in Papa Janu. Poor thing, Papa's handsome clothes get dirty because of your snot. Ish slovenly!” agusta said as she lifted Juli's ear.

“Ihh what the hell is Agusta. Don't see if Papa Janu is sick. I'm afraid Papa why-why,” said Juli with a funny frown.

“Yes, but yeah no snot meper in papa's shirt. I already know papa is sick, instead of being offered fruit, comforted, sungiin even melek. Yes no Pa,” said Agusta while smiling at Papa Janu. Great also acting my sister that one. Him

really trying hard to melt the atmosphere, releasing a sad face that is only visible in his eyes. Papa Janu laughed until he snorted.

“That's Agusta, because you Papa so laugh until hard of breath,” said July membuk Agusta.

“Sst already, you two even brisik sih,” I said touching the twin duo's teak . They complained at the same time and hit me hard. Papa Janu looked happy to see the three of us.

“Dika, Agusta,July, Papa is happy to have you. You are one of the most beautiful gifts in Papa's life, which Papa is always grateful for. You are Papa's family, and forever you are family. Grow and develop as much as possible, but when you are tired, return as a family to take care of each other and each other

honey,” said Papa Janu with a smile. Juli and Agusta who had been noisier just fell silent to hold Papa's hand.

“Papa apologizes for no longer being able to accompany you directly. But Papa is always with you. Remember that,” said Papa Janu still continues to smile despite growing slowly.

“Dika, you still remember all the messages Papa Janu and Papa Shasa. Take care of your brothers. Make sure they are happy and make sure you are happy with your choices.  Family is not a burden because you will support and take care of each other,” Papa Janu said as he looked at me.

“Augusta, July, follow your sister and be well, boys. Shasa, take the child. You know I've always loved you and you're my world. Sorry if I have to go first. I'll wait for you after you

finish your task,” said Papa Janu gently. Papa Shasa held Papa Janu's left hand, while in his right hand were the three of us. Shortly after, Papa Janu's eyes began to close, his breathing slowly disappeared and we lost again.

***

Today is a sad day for the House of Mary. Me, Agusta, Juli and Papa Shasa just kept silent without speaking. It was as if we were in a house covered in black fog, because of the loss of our sun.

This morning we buried Papa Janu's body. It did not take long to decide to immediately bury Papa's body next to Mama Maria. We all have his family here. Papa Janu's own family had not cared for him for a long time. So why wait for them. Not while we

even told him they did not respond to anything, as if they did not know Papa Janu.

Returning from the tomb, I somehow saw Agusta dropping himself in Papa Shasa's arms. Papa Shasa who was still glued to the sofa was shocked. But he immediately embraced Agusta with affection.

“Sst, release Papa, son. You are the gentle and patient son of Papa Janu. You love Papa Janu. You are a photocopy of Papa Janu. So all this suffering you can overcome, like Papa Janu can always overcome

his sadness. There's still Papa Shasa here, son, there's Brother Dika too. Men can cry. Cry now in Papa's chest. Keep it there, after that go out and prove that you can be a man as great as Papa Janu. You are all great children Papa, Agusta, Juli and Dika. It's okay now to cry. But

don't take too long. Don't make Papa Janu sad to see you're weak here. Cry, then go out and prove to Papa Janu, if you are children he can be proud of, ” said Papa Shasa. Kudenga Agusta sighed while hiding his face in Papa's chest.

Meanwhile, Juli had been curled up in my arms with tears that did not stop.  I'm sure

Juli also heard Papa Shasa's words. He raised his head to look at Papa Shasa. I gently rubbed the little girl who always admired me as my girlfriend.  I love him so much.  Don't worry, Pa, I'll keep Prince and Agusta as strong as I can.