Wagering
The Fact's

Since first meeting Fabian, Baskara had felt another attachment between himself and the young man. Like there was such a close connection, that he himself had no idea where it came from. During that time, he never thought of rejecting those feelings. He allowed himself to dissolve in that attachment without knowing, that there was a reasonable enough reason why it could happen.

The audio recording he received finally played again, a total of 16 times. Repeatedly until now he can recite what he heard with the right intonation. In fact, how his father and mother spoke, what kind of tone they used, everything he could follow well. Such a recording had been permanently embedded within his brain, and there was no way to remove it from there.

In front of him now, Jeffrey sat with a body that looked trembling. He had just heard the man the audio recording he had received. Forcing the man to open his ears wide while preparing an argument to defend himself— which in fact did not appear at all, even when the audio recording had arrived at the last second.

Baskara looked straight at Jeffrey's eyes, trying to read whatever emanated from there—and succeeded in vain because it turns out he did not know the figure of his father as well as that.

His cell phone that had gone back out and he had put it on the table, he grabbed it. That flat object then became a means for him to connect with someone, who he thought should know about this as well.

Fabians. Baskara was pressing the young man's number, so that the young man could listen directly to what his father would explain.

“Halo?” the young man picked up the phone at the 6th ring.

Baskara turned on the loud speaker, then put his phone on the table. “Lo again where?” ask her in a soft voice. His gaze did not change at all from Jeffrey, who now also paid attention to his illuminated phone.

“At home. Wh why? Lo miss me?” sahut Fabian ended mild rarity.

“Gue wants something similar lo.”

“What?”

“What if it turns out ... we are brothers?” Baskara saw Jeffrey raise his head, then shook his head slowly as a signal so he did not continue his sentence. However, he was stubborn. Already drowned, why bother trying to rise again to the surface, if the tip he would still die and rot at the bottom? “How do you react, if it turns out that the father who has not been you know his form, is my bokap?”

“Lo again mabok, yes?”

“Gue aware, 100 percent.”

“Ngak. Lo mabok's. You will only talk strangely like this if again mabok.”

For a while, Baskara could not say anything. He wanted to reiterate that his current condition was 100 percent conscious, and the question he was asking Fabian was not the result of random thoughts when he was drunk. But in the end, he exhaled a long breath. “My head is just mumbling again. Sorry to interrupt your break. See you tomorrow at college, yeah. Bye.” Then the phone terminated.

Apparently, it's not that easy. Especially when he doesn't know anything about the truth. He thought it would be nice to hear an explanation from his father with Fabian, so that they could both think and he did not have to bother to find a way to explain to the young man. But it turns out he was wrong. His heart is still not strong.

“Papa lebahin to Baskara, obviously, now also.” Pinta Baskara after getting rid of her phone away— in anticipation that she would not return to call Fabian impulsively.

For some time, Jeffrey did not open his voice. The man was busy calming the rumbling inside his own chest. Trying to hold back the tightness that reached his chest so as not to widen to any of—or he might die horribly in front of his own son.

Until then, when he finally got a little courage to look back into his son's already foggy eyes, Jeffrey began to open his voice.

He told me everything. Starting from who is Raya and what is her relationship with their family, to why she could end up making the woman carry her child. Jeffrey also tells Baskara the reason why this truth is hidden. Why can't he take responsibility for Fabian, and instead let the boy grow up without knowing who his real father is. Jeffrey recounted everything while tearfully, regretting his stupidity that ended up leaving his beloved son injured—and his other son missing out on a chance to earn a decent living.

Jeffrey, who is known by others as a perfect figure, is in fact nothing more than a loser, who brings destruction to the lives of those he loves.

All this time, Baskara felt she was the one who suffered the most. Without knowing, it turns out that there are other children who are forced to live a miserable life because of the actions of both parents. Because of his irresponsible father, also his mother who is too selfish to maintain her own small family. Baskara knew her mother was hurt, but should the woman leave the other child abandoned? Does a mother always think so? That their children are the most important, and the children of others mean nothing at all.

Baskara's world seemed to collapse, but he realized Fabian's world had even been destroyed long ago. And at this point, there was nothing else Baskara could think of but Fabian. Everything if it were scattered in his head. If he and Fabian were born from the same womb. If only his father could be more courageous to bear the responsibility. If his mother was actually an angel without wings— as he believed so far. And there are still many other assumptions that ultimately mean nothing because everything has happened.

“Sorry Papa, Bas.” The lyrics of Jeffrey, after being silent for quite a long time, enjoyed his cries.

Baskara wiped a drop of tears that fell down her cheeks, then rose while reaching for her mobile phone that was left out far in the corner of the table. Before it passed, he looked at Jeffrey for quite a while, then said. “Sorry that too Papa should have spoken to Fabian and his mother.”

Baskara's chest felt increasingly claustrophobic as she turned around, turned her back to her father who sobbed in his seat, then swung her steps wide towards the front door. And, the move did not even stop swaying even though he found his mother appearing from behind the door, with a look of bewildered faces as their eyes met.

“Where are you going, Bas? Udah malam.”

Baskara did not answer. He passed through the slender body of his mother, galloped to his car and then immediately entered and gas left the house. Leaving Sera glued to the doorway, Jeffrey, who was getting late in a tearful cry.

...****************...

Driving aimlessly for nearly two hours finally got Baskara back here. The only place he could think of when his head seemed about to explode— turned into insignificant little pieces. He stood there for 15 minutes, at the door of Blue's apartment without having the strength to move his hand against the bell.

It's almost midnight, and the girl's probably asleep by now. But, he really did not know where else to go. If not here, he might spend his nights on the streets, wandering like an empty no man's body.

Finally, because the courage never appeared from inside him, Baskara decided to sit leaning against the door of the Blue apartment. He looked up slightly, staring at the ceiling of the hallway decorated with white lights in an attempt to hold back his own cries from falling. His chest still felt tight, even longer, he was getting more and more difficult to breathe.

The pain felt so heartbreaking, when he imagined, how difficult was the life Fabian had been through all this time because of the selfishness of his parents? He may still be alive with the affection he received from his mother, when his father left. But Fabian doesn't even have anyone. The boy was alone. Growing up feeling lonely, and never even having the courage to show his sadness in front of others. As a friend, he could never help much. And now when he finds out that after all, he is an older brother, Baskara still doesn't know what to do.

Baskara just .. fear. What if he loses Fabian, as a friend, when the boy finally finds out the truth? When the boy finally finds out that the friend he is defending exceeds his own life, is the reason why his birth is not recognized. Baskara was afraid Fabian hated her. The fear feeling was even—real— is bigger than the fear of losing Sabiru first.

No matter how hard Baskara held back her tears from falling, in the end she failed as well. He was crying, alone in the hallway of the quiet apartment, with a soft voice so heartbreaking. He sobbed, with hands that repeatedly beat his own chest hoping the tightness would be kind enough to pull over a little. His head felt heavy, and at this point, he was completely exhausted to catch his breath.

I don't know how much time had passed, as her cries slowly subsided, and she felt the door behind her open. As he looked up, he found Sabiru standing in the doorway. The girl looked surprised to find her whereabouts here, then with a hoarse movement, the girl pulled her arm to stand up.

"Hey, what happened?" the girl's soft hands cupped her face. Her lentic fingers moved, wiping away the growing trail of tears on her cheeks. "When are you here? Why don't you pull the bell, hmm?"

Baskara could not open her mouth. All she could do was slam into her lover's arms, crying as Blue's hands patted her wide back, trying to calm down.

"It's ok. It's okay if you can't tell me. It's ok, I'm here. You can cry as much." Whisper the girl. His hands still continued to pat, occasionally creeping up to his head, wiping the tangled strands of his hair.

He said, life is about loss. Coming and going are common, and we must always be ready whenever someone we love leaves, if it is God's will. But the truth is, being willing is never as easy as a word. Even just a shadow, not necessarily really that happened, but Baskara really felt scared to death if later God would really keep him with Fabian.

Late at night, the crying that came out of him not only kept Sabiru awake, but also some other apartment dwellers who then peeked out. Want to find out, what happened that made a big-bodied young man cry like that.

Seriate