When Passion Is Greater Than Lust
Stomach or lower stomach ?

Tonight bang Dadang came home with a friendly face. The kids are also asleep.

Although it has two rooms but in fact the children still sleep in the same room with us .

Rama said he was afraid to sleep alone. Be a closet forced to be placed in another room so that this room can fit for the five of us.

Now bang Dadang approached me who was folding clothes in front of the room.

" I'm sorry Brother on deck, about that. Tomorrow we buy a washing machine. Let's not worry about it later.."

I looked fixedly at the bang Dadang, my annoyance defeated by curiosity

" Where is the money from ? "

" Sister borrowed it to the father, all of you earlier, how to borrow money to the bank. So we can finish the front porch, if not immediately given the roof later our door even quickly damaged. You have also agreed and allowed us to use his home certificate as collateral.."

It is true that our terrace is still not roofed. I had proposed using only mild steel, but after counting the money was not enough. So we let it go first, we don't know if the rain will splash towards the door, so the rain often seeps in through the wet door..

" don't buy a washing machine. It's not too important either. If indeed you have money, why not borrow it to the father just bang, rather than borrow it to the bank.is the fall even usury.."

" You are still heavy on the deck, what if they have urgent needs, it is not delicious. In any case, to the bank can be paid. So it's not hard.."

I was pensive, researching the face of bang Dadang who seemed to ask for approval.

" Emang Abang willing, pay for the month..."

" God willing deck, if only so much brother is able.."

I'm silent. Even if I voiced objections to his proposal, surely later bang Dadang will still do that.

" So again I'm sorry deck. About this morning. Khilaf.."

" uumi. I want to wash first bang. Let's relax tomorrow,."

I know if my husband ever wants to. I deliberately avoided it and subtly rejected it.

Somehow the attitude bang Dadang who always overcame the existing problems made me secretly hold a grudge. Always apologize quickly and without sin, and finally repeat the same mistakes again.

The heavy hand held me back, though,

" why not deck tomorrow ?"

" Can't . Later you even nagged again, because I always nitipin children to mbak Salma. Unless you want to help momong, or change my job to wash..!!!"

Bang Dadang was silent, now his hand grip on my arm is weakened. As usual he would not dwell on my words, his great lust, apparently defeated with laziness to help me, even though I was his own wife...

***

These few days, my order of online sales has increased.

" Today. Brother to the bank Yes Dek same Mr. We've promised from last night because our loan disbursement was done today.."

" Hm..Yeah..!!"

I focused on the messages on Facebook. Not too interested in talking about debt.

" Why do you often play hape lately. Neighbors also said, if this house often comes courier packages. What do you buy, until the daily routine of shopping..,?"

I am now indeed more often silent, if bang Dadang is at home. more busying myself to the positive than talk to him which eventually even cause a fight.

" I'm selling online bang. And as for the couriers who came, it was all customer orders. Take it easy, I don't buy for myself.."

" ow.. Yes already. The important thing is that the children are still taking care, even though to your husband you become indifferent to mercy.."

I put the eaves on the table of Lesehan in front of me. " What do you want bang ?" I now drew closer to her, annoyed to begin to stifle. " Don't I never refuse, if you want your rights bang.?"

" ..yeah.. Right anyway. But you have no passion at all, it's like wood that I love..!!" The voice sounded annoyed, though,

I shook my head in disbelief, "Subang should be grateful even though I am tired of my routine all day at home, at least I am still willing to serve even though not wholeheartedly.."

" Now that, you sinned deck. You should be able to serve your husband well and wholeheartedly.."

" What did you not read? Of course, during our move in this house, my brother was there or even gave a living to us as a family. All the needs of this house, now we pay bang. There will be no more help from mom and dad. Than Brother always think of the needs under the stomach brother. You'd better think about how your wife's child can be full.."

Spilled already. What I was afraid of finally happened. The thing that I avoided these few weeks was even on the fishing line by my husband.

It's always going to be like this, if we've talked together. I'm sick of it, but I don't know what to do either ?

my mind was too full, thinking about spending money, buying oil and sugar, charging electricity tokens, buying gas and all the other household necessities.

While the money in hand is getting thinner, the result is greater expenditure than income.

And bang Dadang even more burdened with the bed that is always discussed.

" You are that. Same husband really no polite, instead of now you sell online, just use the money. Don't always bully my husband just because I've been staying at home lately, if you say don't come from, like I'm not here..."

As already.bang Dadang will go by slamming whatever is in front of him.

I cried, I don't know how many times. Dio's whimper who asked for snacks now even added tightness in the chest.

I hugged my second child and kissed her forehead many times. " l-yeah.. Nak ..we pick up Bara's grandpa huh. Let's go together. ."

Dio stared fixedly at me, usually he would tantrum if his desire was too long followed, apparently this time he was silent, as if understanding if his mother was not okay.

I wiped away the tears that were still flowing, so to speak. If I cry, it will be hard for me to control myself again to stop.

All the pain that has been a long time now even I remember back, I don't know. The amount that exists may already be ingrained. And difficult to treat, especially if it continues to be added with new wounds.