If Only
Starting from the beginning

I was still sitting here, my eyes not blinking seeing something so stifling in front of me.

"Sofia" call Zoya's sister. He held my shoulder, I looked up. Zoya cried and made me cry. When I woke up from the coma, I immediately asked where Bian and Randu were. But Zoya and the others were just crying. I kept asking and finally Zoya's sister brought me here.

"If I had moved faster that night, nothing would have happened" he said. "That night, I intend to follow you to the car. But when I got to Basemant, I saw you being dragged into a car by a woman. I ran to try to chase you but the car drove quickly, I panicked immediately called Bian who was sick at the time. I called Randu, and Randu said he'd find you" Zoya said. He returned sobbing. "I don't know what happened next, I'm waiting at home while Raksa's brother goes with the police. After returning, Raksa gave the news that Bian and Randu were shot" he continued with increasingly crying.

"Then where is Randu kak?" My toot.

***

This is where I am now, at a funeral. I hold a bouquet of roses. My eyes are still faithful looking at the tombstone that reads the name of Randu Vienaja. My heart hurts so much, it's better not to be together but still be able to see each other. I still remember everything, about our meeting, and how it all ended. I remember the smell of her perfume, I remember how warm her embrace was. All the love, the longing, he rests here. I squeezed my clothes, and came back crying. It's very painful for me. Everyone left me, my heart was like being squeezed.

Flashbacks

"Then Randu where's brother?" My toot. Instead of answering Zoya's sister even more crying. "Jawab Sofi sis" I started to panic.

"That time Bian was shot while trying to protect you as well as Randu. We're taking you three to the same hospital. The three of you immediately get emergency treatment" said Zoya. He then sighed. "Doctors say Bian is in critical condition due to his illness as well as his gunshot wound. Somehow the story, the doctor had said that Randu was conscious. And ...." Zoya stopped telling stories.

"And what brother?" I panic.

"Randu donated his heart to save Bian" replied Zoya. My body was so weak. I turned to look at Bian who was still asleep in a hospital cage with a breathing apparatus still attached to his mouth. My tears are falling again.

"It doesn't make any sense, brother" I said in disbelief. "How is it possible? Are you going to say that Randu is dead? It's impossible" I added.

"Randu was buried two days ago" said Zoya. My cry broke hearing that.

End flashback.

***

It all went very fast, I tried to make Randu go away. I'm trying to start a new life. I was also told that Rose had died from an escape attempt. Every day I would come to the hospital to see Bian. Every day I would bring him a rose and put it in the little vase I would carry. Every day I will replace it with a new one, indicating that there will be new hope every day.

Today is the last time I'm going to the hospital. After convincing my heart, I have made up my mind. I'll go far and start a new story, I'll leave Bian. Every time I look at it I just feel more guilty and end up with me hating myself. I couldn't see his eyes, the heart of the person I loved so much was in his body at this moment. Every second lies with the love that grows every day. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and threw it away slowly. I will miss him, not just him, I will miss everything. I handed over the company to Haris and I chose to continue my education out of town. I shut down all social media access so no one could find me except Haris and Aunt Dona.

I let out a breath. I started to step up, hoping everything would be okay. I wish time could erase my wounds, and the wounds of people who are hurt because of me.

[Two years later]

I walked towards the corridor of my campus. Today I was really preoccupied with various agendas in my class.

"Sof today we're going to XX" said Wendy, a close friend of mine.

"For what?" I'm confused. "Today we have no real work agenda there" I added.

"Sir Han just told me that there is a new company inviting our university, to represent and we are two out of ten selected students" Wendy replied enthusiastically.

"more?" My toot.

"Students from the final semester" replied Wendy. I nodded my head. I know the city is not far from my old home. But I also need to visit Aunt Dona's house. I don't know why, I miss him so much.

"Alright, we have to be ready" I said. Me and Wendy rushed straight to the dormitory to get ready and immediately gathered in the field.

***

We gathered in the field and prepared to leave. I was sitting next to the bus window and next to me was Wendy.

"Why do so many leaves fall?" My muttering.

"Because it's autumn soon" said Wendy who heard my murmur.

"September 15th" replied Wendy. I fell silent and then looked at Wendy.

"You serious? You didn't get the date wrong?" Ask surprised. Wendy shook her head with a astonished face. I look ahead. "Today's her birthday" I murmured.

"Whose year?" Ask Wendy.

"My sister" I answered softly.

"You got a sister?" Ask Wendy enthusiastically. I'm nodding.

"He was the one who made me stop crying because of his disappearance" I said. Suddenly my sky became cloudy. For two years I forgot her birthday and the day I last saw her. Wendy held my shoulder.

"Your brother is dead?" Wendy asked doubtfully. I nodded again.

"I lost it before I told him I loved him" I replied. My eyes are heating up. "People I love leave me one by one" I said. Wendy hugged me just like Aunt Dona did.

"Don't cry, let them calm down and be proud to see you grow into a good woman like this" Wendy said. Then he got a little away. "I'm just happy to know you, I wonder how happy they have been with you for so long" she added, smiling seductively.

"Don't try to tease me" I chirped. Instead of moving away, he hugged me more and more while giggling.

A few hours later, I felt someone pat me on the cheek. I opened my eyes slowly.

"Wake up, we've arrived" said Wendy. I immediately stretched my tired body from sitting for hours. "Let's get off" he asked. I nodded my head. Me and Wendy got off together after the other seniors had already dropped off. I immediately circulated my gaze, a familiar sight.

"How many days?" My toot. Wendy looked at me confused. "How many days are we gonna be here?" My toot.

"Sunday" he replied.

"Are we not given a day off for a week?" My toot. Wendy looked at me snidely.

"If the company belonged to my father I would give you a vacation at any time" he replied. I'm upset.

"Sofia, Wendy" called a senior. Wendy and I ran to him.

"Yes, brother, why?" Ask Wendy.

"It should be today we'll go around, but since it's getting dark, we'll do it tomorrow and you can rest" the senior said.

"Did they(company) provide dormitories for us?" My toot. The senior nodded.

"Now clean yourself up and rest, but maybe we will gather for a little while for gradual coaching" he replied. We nodded our heads in understanding.

After the senior left I immediately pulled out my phone. I pressed a number.

"Hello"

"Tante Dona" call me. Yeah, I called Aunt Dona.

"Sofia" Aunt Dona's voice sounded soft. "You how are you, baby?" Ask.

"Good Auntie, Auntie's okay, right?" Asking me worried. Aunt Dona did not answer right away. "Sofi is in town xx" I added.

"Should we celebrate his birthday?"

Seriate....