Married by Accident
Flashback Up 4

I seem to have lost. Bambang loved me, and his heart was only for me, he said. He who yesterday wept over this marriage sentence, is now beginning to enjoy. I, who was initially convinced he would return, now only befriends the void of promise and hope. But, I haven't been able to leave, I'm like a love slave. Just so happy, enough for me.

Until the girl finally got better. Bambang decided to move to the girl's house. Sirna it's my wish that stay 0.1. I should have been happy but I also could not continue to lie if my heart was hurt.

I suffered, the girl and her destiny took away all my happiness that was in sight. To the extent that I was not given the slightest chance to defend it. If I struggle with these feelings and relationships, it will also be wrong. Why God? You made all this crumble without warning, without cueing, without giving me the slightest bit of strength to hold it away. This is not fair. But I don't have any effort.

A few days after his move, Bambang met me at the office after work. I'm surprised he came. It was like getting a cool water flush after a thirst of longing for excruciating days. He smiled and waved at me. A smile that makes me hard to forget, makes my heart so sick when I realize everything is no longer mine.

"Win, aren't you busy?"

"No." I tried to get cold, although I actually really wanted to squander in the hug.

"Eat already?"

"Not yet,"

"Let's eat!"

I walked beside him like I used to, with a much different status. My heart is not between happy and sad, I want to keep it here, do I have to pretend to be crazy like that girl? Ah ... ! I need to suppress this feeling as much as I can.

Bambang took me to a restaurant where we used to eat long ago. A place full of memories and witnesses of the struggle we both pioneered life in the Capital City. Wicked you are Bam! My heart is sobbing in memory of this place. Without even asking Bambang order my favorite food. Like before when everything hasn't changed. For a moment I was worried, going with the flow or fighting it.

We eat in silence. Bambang looks different, it seems like now everything is starting to be fine. He looks fresh and cheerful. Is that girl? Uh!

"I'll drive you home, won?"

'What? just eating?!' my mind's upset.

"Not Bam, I'm alone."

"No papa, let me drop you off."

Then she stood up and looked at her eyes as if asking me to accept her offer. Finally I gave up, it was harder to suppress this feeling. Almost all the way we were silent. I miss it but pretend to freeze. Bambang who tried to melt but I desperately survived. I'm a woman with pride.

"May I stop by?" bambang asked me surprised, poranda's already my defense.

Without waiting for my answer he got out of his car and followed me.

"Bam, what's the matter?"

"I just want to talk to you, however we should still maintain a good relationship right?"

"Oh, okay." The reason was quite reasonable even though my heart was increasingly unable to hide this feeling. I enjoy being there beside me.

I rented an apartment in South Jakarta since I worked. Previously I could only afford to rent a boarding house while still in college. While Bambang occupied the house owned by his uncle and since he worked the house was bought by him in installments. Our economic life improved but we were forcibly separated by fate.

"Well, he's getting better. He was cold and always kept his distance from me. But the better it's going to be is enough for me."

"Thank God!" I averted my eyes, now it was me who avoided her eyes.

"How are you, Win?" he asked, hhhh.

"It's not good, it's weird that I'm okay, isn't it?"

Bambang just bowed, I can't pretend anymore Bam. Do you feel sorry for me?

"It takes Bam, 4 years is not a short time. Moreover, we go through it with a full story and unforgettable struggle. And tragically, it's all shattered when our dreams are one step away." I can't stand it anymore.

"Sickness is certain, it is purely the destiny of the Almighty. Me, you, and Airina are not wrong no one wants all of this to happen, not even one of us accepts all of this. It doesn't matter that you let me go, and chose that girl. I just need to recover, right?" These words slid just like that, I still managed to hold back the tears from dripping.

"If the accident had not happened! I'm sorry Win." I saw a puddle of tears that Bambang tried to hold.

"I hope so too!"

Collapsing was my defense, my tears were flowing without me holding back. I sat down and hugged my knees. I let go of the burden that had been pressing on my chest, I could no longer pretend to be strong. No matter how devastated I felt, I never cried in front of Bambang, I did not want to add a burden in his heart.

Yet now that I was truly at my lowest point, I cried out in my tears of letting go all. My whole body was shaking and feeling the pain I was holding. I burst out my tears satisfying all the pain of injustice that befell me. I don't care anymore about the existence of Bambang, I just want to be free from this taste.

Suddenly I felt Bambang approaching and hugging me from behind. I felt him crying too. His embrace was so tight, I'm sure he felt the same pain. I also felt her body tremble with her cries, I'm sure she also bore the same tightness even more.

I felt him kissing the top of my head, I still felt his great affection for me. I want to be selfish and enjoy this atmosphere. The pain in my chest seemed to be treated slowly with his presence near me. His embrace, his affection and his love were the drugs that I was addicted to. If only I could have it forever.

"I'm sure you can get through this all Win, forgive me for being helpless, forgive me for having to break my promise, forgive me for making you hurt. I'm sorry for all my mistakes with you, it's okay if you finally hate me. I accept. You are the woman I have ever known, who once gave me the courage to move forward. I don't know if it's not with you, I'm not this good" said Bambang as he continued to sob.

I'm so stupid. Bambang did not think at all about returning, even he resolutely killed our every taste and memories with a savage manner. I realized this was a farewell hug, I was stupid for expecting more. Instantly this wound was like being doused in salt water which made me even more sore.

"Let go of all your cries Win, weep as much as you, make me!"

Bambang was also no longer able to hold back all his cries, or he was crying out of pity for me, I did not know and no longer cared. This hug was no longer comfortable, it felt like it had been pierced by a dagger all over my body.

"You should be able to get up, I'm sure there's a much better man waiting for you up ahead. I will continue to pray that you will have a good match. That's all I can do. I'm sorry!"

I let him spill what he's craving, but I don't know what happened. Suddenly his embrace weakened, and he fell down.

Bruuuugkk....!

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