Pamite
15. The Deep Wound

"It's my fault, Yu. Don't blame the Winda. I brought her into our household. It's not him coming in, blame me."

I smiled wryly.

Plaque!

I slapped Anang's cheek hard. His cheeks immediately looked red. My breath is hunting fast.

Plaque!

Back I slapped a slap on the cheek that had not been hit. I held back so hard that my tears wouldn't go.

"The pain you received just now is not worth the pain I received. Almost seven years I've been your wife and devoted myself only to your family, is this what I accept?"

Silently looked at me with pity. I'm sure my face must look awful right now.

"Don't touch me! I'm disgusted!" I shouted out loud. "And for you, Sire, I give this man to you. I'll give him to you, take him. Take this trash from me. May you always be blessed and yes, I hope your child does not know the origin of how he was born. It's too bad if he finds out, he was born out of the adultery of his parents."

"Sorry, Ayu. Me and Anang are not Zina. We are legally husband and wife religiously. We married Siri right when your third child was born.

Duars!

My heart was collapsing, my chest was hurting so much, I felt the oxygen in this room was not there, no matter where it went. My legs were so weak that they could not support the weight of my body.

Anang walked up to me who was sitting on the floor with the rest of the energy. My anger and confidence to teach them a lesson just disappeared. I forgot my purpose in coming here. I forgot I meant to change this perfect look.

I raised my hand as Anang sat next to me. I know, he'll probably give you an explanation as to why he did this. I looked up, staring fixedly at the bead eyes that I had often missed.

"That's enough, I think it's time we split up. I'll take care of our farewell letter." I got up and walked quickly out of the cursed room. Intentions want to skin them even I the skinned.

"Dec, wait a minute, deck," he said, blocking my steps and grabbing my hand, I quickly thinned it rough. Though I was close to Jaka's car parked, but Anang managed to block my steps.

"I'm sorry, I know I was wrong. I shouldn't have done this. Please don't leave me. Give me a chance, I'll leave Winda. We start from zero, promise I'll make you happy, deck. Please, make our children."

I smiled at her hearing her words. "There's no apology for a mistake of this magnitude. You married siri, had children from your marriage, you made your wife happy and abandoned your legal wife. The wife who has given you three children, the wife who has been willing to stay silent is treated badly by her mother-in-law, the wife who accepts her husband as he is, and the wife who accepts him as he is, a wife who willingly sacrifices her time and energy to make her family prosperous. You won't meet a woman like me. You, remarry with Winda, because you feel he can take care and take care of himself? Not like I can't take care of myself? Aye right? WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A CONTAINER LIKE WINDA? I can also take care of myself, take care of my body, and groom it for your sake. You see me now? LOOKATME! Ayu who is in front of you now is much different from Ayu who is at home right? Wanna know why? Because I'm capable and I have the money to make myself beautiful like this. You demand I'm beautiful all the time, all the time, but you don't love me money, don't give me time, your love doesn't exist. You think beauty doesn't need capital? You think patient capital alone can make me beautiful? And yes, why do you remember the kids? Why do you do disgusting things you don't remember?" I railed Anang with a million sentences that made him die a flea. He just stayed in place with an expired guilt.

"Yes I'm sorry, I was wrong. I know what I'm doing won't make your heartache heal. But at least give me a chance to treat your wounds."

"There is no cure for the wounds you have created, the wounds are already too deep. This pain will never heal, you give me a million beauties and sweet memories, but you also give me a million pains at the same time. Do you remember the words you said to me? We can't hold two things in one hand. Put one down before he's destroyed. Have you forgotten your own words? I've given up, I admit I lost and it's time I left." I turned around and started to walk.

"I still love you, deck. I married Vinda because she was pregnant with my son. I don't really love him. My love is still for you, my heart and my life are for you."

I took a deep breath before speaking. "There will be no second if you love me. Forget it all, we start a new life sheet with each other's lives. Thank you for the three years when we were dating, you were so indulgent to me like you spoiled Winda. Thank you also for the nearly seven years of marriage that left me open enough to judge the figure of the man I consider to be my shoulder. Thanks again, and I'm sorry if I can't be who you want me to be. I think our journey has stopped here. Good bye." Again I spoke at length, but not to his face.

I stepped back with tears. I'm not a hypocrite, my heart hurts so much to accept this fact. Though earlier I had tried to set my heart and soul to stay calm when facing my husband making love with his net. But apparently the woman I thought was****** was not someone else in my husband's life. My husband's? I don't think it's worth mentioning that name anymore.

I still continued to step while my ears still caught the call from Anang. I was walking faster, for some reason the car Jaka had seen so close to me, now seemed so far away.

"Let's get out of here, mas!" take me as soon as I get in the car. My voice still shakes withstanding the crying.

"Can you move forward, Yu?" jaka said suddenly.

"Why?" my question is still with my head down hiding my eyes that may be difficult to redden and swollen.

"Sit down first. We're friends, right?"

Just a few days ago, we agreed to be friends. The day I met him for the second time, that's where we started to agree we were friends.